On Tuesday, my husband (who is a clone of Nellie's H.) told my children they were going snowboarding with him and his "friend" and her child. My children did not want to go, especially my 9 yr. old daughter. My kids have met this woman only twice before. Once, when he took them on a so-called family vacation and he prearranged to "bump into" the OW three different times, and another time on Thanksgiving. It was on Thanksgiving that he had the OW cooking thanksgiving dinner for my children. She hardly spoke to them. Keep in mind that he has told my kids that she is just a friend from work. He's been seeing her since last September while he was still living with us. It was in January of 1999 that I insisted he move out as he was, by this time, lying to me and the kids and coming in drunk at all hours of the day and night. Anyway (sorry to fill in so much background info) it has been one year that he's been gone, he has obviously not given up his affair with this 30 yr. old nurse (he is a 47 yr. old doctor) and my kids have still believed, despite evidence to the contrary, that this woman is just a friend. Yet, he lately has been forcing my kids into a relationship with this woman, esp. intent on trying to forge a relationship with my daughter an the ow's daughter. My daughter wants no parts of it, especially after what took place on Tuesday. (which I am about to tell you in a minute).<BR>Well, on the day he took them snowboarding my H had the OW sitting up in front of the car with him. In the back seat were my daughter (age 9) and the OW's daughter (age 7). In the middle seats were my 12 yr. old son and his friend. During the two hour ride to the mountain, the OW's child proceeded to fill in the blanks for my child. She told her that her mom and "your dad" are dating. Oh, no? Didn't you know that??" And, then, she proceeded to tell her that she walked in on them kissing one day. She then told my daughter that "your dad meets me at the school bus stop some days when my mom is working." And, then, she told her that she spends overnights at "your dad's apartment" sometimes. She also told my child that "your dad wanted to spend Christmas morning with me and my mom but we told him to spend it with you instead." She went on to tell my little girl that her mom and "your dad" were going to buy a house together and, of course, she would be living in it. (But not my daughter). My daughter and son had gone looking at house's with my H. thinking that he had plans to move into it by himself and that they'd be spending weekends there with him. My daughter had been so excited about this. The other things she told my child were that my h. had gotten her mother $500 diamond earrings for their anniversary. My daughter later asked me "Mom, what is an anniversary??". She also said to my daughter that her mother told her that she and "your dad" would be getting married sometime in the future.<BR>Anyway, again, sorry to go on and on. I am just sick over this. When my kids came in that night from snowboarding they didn't even smile. They told me later that night all that this little girl said to them. They have no trust left for their father. I really think they're in shock. What's more, during the past year since my H. began his affair he has cut the kids out of his life and when he does see them he barely shows any affection or love. They feel so terribly rejected. I have tried to tell them that their father is not acting normally, that it is nothing they did to cause this, that with God all things are possible and that someday he may turn into a totally different person: better than he ever was. They, however, feel certain that he has rejected them in favor of the OW and her daughter. It is really sad.<BR>He has phoned my kids once since the "incident" and my daughter told him she would not go out again with him and the ow and her child. He asked her why and all she said was "because I don't like them." I feel she needs to tell him all that this other child said to her. I don't know how he couldn't have overheard some of this as he and his ow were riding in the front seat of the car while much of this was said.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>MovingOn</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>MovingOn</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>MovingOn</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>MovingOn</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>MovingOn</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>God, how I know this feeling...<P>My W too is trying to cram down my childre's throats... her OM as the "new man" in their lives. It disgusts me to no end.<P>I know the OM will eventually leave my W... She(my W)... is living in this fantasy world... and obviously doesn't see it!<P>Who get's damaged the worst... <B>the kids</B>. The emotional upheaval, the moral attacks, the shear confusion, and most of all the recognition of the overt lying by your children's father... is just devastating.<P>This is where psychologist(some) see the damage done... and unfortunately... the results may not be displayed for 5... 10... 15... or more years later!<P>I feel for you...<P>Unfortunately, all you can do is be there for your children... This tends to bring up a lot of mixed discussions/opinions on the forum as to whether you should "talk this through" with your kids. I for one... feel strongly that... (if your children are mature enough... spiritually sound enough...) <B>yes... talk to them about it.</B> It makes so much more sense for you to talk to them, than to have the OW's d give them the "lowdown." It isn't even coming from your H or the OW!<P>There are those that will say... "let your kids find out on their own... they can handle it..."... <B>I'm sorry... but for me... NO WAY.</B> No matter how much I love my W... it is my top priority to protect the children (physically, mentally and spiritually) and to keep their psyche from blowing it.<P>I hope you'll get some more responses from others later on... Holidays and weekends in general are <B>s l o w</B> here.<P>Happy New Year (Millenium) to you and yours.<BR>Prayers for a better New Year... <P>Jim

How sad. Sounds like this so-called mother (OW) is well on her way to raising another little selfish person who will destroy someone else's family. How terrible for your kids. It is awful they had to hear this the way they did. Not only that, your H and OW, apparently oblivious to the conversation in the back seat? I find it hard to believe that.

moving on, gads, that is a terrible story. THE KIDS ARE FIRST!!!!<BR>It just irritates the heck out of me to read about the selfish people that are not looking at the big picture. <BR>They are so lucky that they have such a sensible, grounded mother at this time. They really need a lot from you right now-you have to be everything and everybody to them. You have obviously raised two very loving sensitive children. My hat is off to you!! <BR>Sending some extra hugs your way, share them with the kids!!

Moving on, this is just too terrible, that the kids are forced to be in the middle. Your D is obviously very loyal to you and also feeling replaced somewhat. I tell people time and time again to seek counselling if not for their own sakes but for the sake of the children. You still need communication skills between the two of you for these children, they will feel the neglect of the two of you not being able to talk things out. I am sure he's aware of the emotions your daughter is going through which makes it all the worse that it doesn't seem as though he's attempting to help. I know there is probably a bond between you an dyour daughter that you don't want to tell him what the OW's d told her but I would try and tell him in a non-love busting way what happened. He needs to be aware of what is happening weather or not it will be hurtful to him or not, it's important for him to have this information to be able to deal with his daughter and you as a group. I would attempt to reach him through common sense with this and if that doesn't work then I would search out counselling for your daughter, she will need to be able to deal with this with a "friend" that she won't feel as though she's criticizing either her father or you in her opinions. <BR>I really feel for you! God Bless!

I think you should tell your H what the OW's daughter said - if he wasn't paying attention, I think it is possible he didn't overhear much if any of their conversation. <P>I am not sure that I agree with counseling, simply because it is so d*** difficult to find a decent one. Although all the counselors told him he shouldn't have introduced the OW so soon, one shrink told him it was ok for the kids to spend more time with the OW, since he viewed the relationship as "permanent" - this was only a few months after he left. The counselor we were seeing told him he should tell the kids that he was just renting a room from the OW!

Dear MovingOn,<P>I agree with Nellie. Your H has the obligation to see to it that his children are protected during these "get together" sessions. Boy, does he sound selfish! Where the he!! were his ears when all of this talking was going on. <P>Your H should have leveled with your children about the truth of this relationship way before now if half of what this "little brat" was telling your daughter is true. She had WAY too much information about the details of your h's affair with her mother. It is a shame. <P>Your H needs to talk to his children and help make sense out of their confusion. That is job as a father. A doctor...HA!!

I don't think everyone should just assume that this OW's daughter is a little brat. She probably does not know that your H is married or she thinks he is separated and she probably does not know that her mom was seeing him while he was still married. I think she is probably a victim here too. How much could a nine year old be responsible for? I think you should tell your daughter that the OW's daugther doesn't really understand what her own mother is doing and that your daughter should not blame her for what her mother is doing. It sounds like this child has not got much in the way of a mother. At least your daughter does. And your H will never be her father even if he marries the OW. So she's got no real father I guess and a selfish mother. Sounds like a child to feel sorry for if you ask me.<P>Del