WS is still talking with OM. We moved over a year ago to get away and been in counseling during that time. Doing Plan A. WS said relationgship was over, but several DDs later it is still going on, though she denies it is anything but friendship. And I know better. She is having her cake and eating it too.

I want it to end. I do not want to continue to live this way. I am becoming more certain that she does not have the willpower to end it. Do I have to move out of our home to do Plan B? We have three young kids - 7,5,3. I think I know the answer - but the disruption and separation from the kids and WS will make it hard.

Also, is Plan B supposed to come as a shock to the WS, a surprise. Or should it be discussed in advanced (in counseling) and therefore telegraphed, maybe with the hope that the suggestion of moving out, changes WS behavior.

Please HELP!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I feel for you.

I am now officially in plan B. I am the BS. My H had A for 3 years, had an OC, we have been trying to have recovery for 2 years. In that time, he still had some contact with OW despite my pleas to stop any contact, counseling with Steve Harley, etc. Contact with OW and OC was a huge issue for us.

I couldn't believe him stopping contact with OW was such an issue for him. ANd that he wouldn't do it for me. Never.

I finally asked him to put our marriage first, on hold, stop any contact with OW and OC, and work on us. He never said he would.

So, with Steve Harley's advice, I filed for legal separation. I was beginning to hate H, and perhaps that is where you are at with your wife. I no longer was me. WE also have young children. I was trying to keep us together for our kids,but realized my H wasn't trying, so why should I sacrifice myself more than I already have?

I filed nearly two months ago, but H only moved out two weeks ago. He is now only having limited contact with me about kids and he finally moved out. His life now is of a separated father-once a week visits, every other weekend with our kids. He now has to pay temporary CS, and day care. He no longer sees our kids daily, and they don't ask for him in between visits.

I, however, feel good. I thought this would be devastating to me-but it is not. I feel stronger, happier, and a better mother to my kids. I no longer have the person with me who has hurt me the most and continued to hurt me daily since D day.

I have told H he can come home if things change, he stops contact, etc. So far, no answer to that. I will not ask him to return without this.

I think you should file legal separation, and ask wife to leave home, so you can be with kids.File first, then tell her.That is what I did and Steve H. recommended.

Do it, You will feel so much better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want it to end. I do not want to continue to live this way. I am becoming more certain that she does not have the willpower to end it. Do I have to move out of our home to do Plan B? We have three young kids - 7,5,3. I think I know the answer - but the disruption and separation from the kids and WS will make it hard.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WWJD, you've got my sympathies more than you can possibly know. But yes, you have to move out to do Plan B. Before you do, plan it out REALLY well. Talk to a lawyer, make yourself a schedule and a checklist, talk to an expert (the Harleys or Penny Tupy), and get yourself to your doctor for some antidepressants.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also, is Plan B supposed to come as a shock to the WS, a surprise. Or should it be discussed in advanced (in counseling) and therefore telegraphed, maybe with the hope that the suggestion of moving out, changes WS behavior.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You should not tell your spouse about Plan B, no. That would be pressuring them, which isn't what you want to do.

Though I have to admit that I cannot figure out how to say anything at all these days without it coming across as pressure!

HOW DO I POST MY SITUATION

Choose a forum... click on New Topic at the top of the page.

Write in the 'message' area...

Click on Add Post...

Just Found Out is a good place for your initial story...

General Questions gets more 'traffic.'

Good Luck,
Cali

<small>[ May 26, 2003, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: Cali ]</small>

I

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>