My H and I have a long term marriage. He had an A, produced a child, and told me about A and OC in one breath a few years ago. At that juncture, child was no longer a baby.

WE have tried to recondile, but this has caused much damage. WE went through three counselors and finally ended up with Steve Harley. I thought it was very helpful, but H was not willing to focus on us and trying to heal our relationship before even considering whether or if contact with OC would occur. Because he continued to have contact with child and some communication with OW, and he would not do anything I asked to heal, Steve suggested I file for legal separation.

I did that a few months ago, and finally three weeks ago H moved out, claiming he never wanted to leave and initially wanted to tell our children that I wanted him out-without owning up that his behavior and his failure to make me feel safe caused me to ask him to leave, file, and got me hating him more and more.

So, now, we are into week 3 of separation. I had hoped H would realize all he is losing and have some feelings towards me and trying to keep our family together. No dice. He is living in a room in a strangers' home, and is not with OW, I believe.

HOwever, we now are going through court system.
He has to start paying CS for our kids, plus he is paying for OC. He is now having typical once a week evening and every other weekend with kids, but he is not sure kids can sleep at his place, given he only has one room.

I am having minimum contact with him and only communicating with him via email about bills, kids, etc. When he comes to see kids, I barely say hello.

Yet, whenever I attempt to keep him informed of things about kids or their activities, he gets short with me, angry, makes snide remarks, etc. He is hostile, mean,e tc. I told him since he persists in this, I will no longer tell him of kids' routines, activities, etc. and told him to get his own info source for info, since he is now verbally abusing me via his hostile and mean spirited remarks.

NOw, the question--what do you think of his hostility? What is that about? Was it correct for me to tell him no more info from me? What do you make of his behavior? And did any of you successfully plan B and reconcile with WS>?

Can anyone answer me? I need some input.
thanks.

This forum (Plan A/B) is pretty slow most of the time.

His actions are pretty typical in Plan B.

The ws no longer has much control over you or the relationship and it’s difficult for them.

Yet, whenever I attempt to keep him informed of things about kids or their activities,
How are you keeping him informed. Are you getting in touch with him or is he contacting you?

If it’s the 1st case, then stop it. Have contact when the kids are picked up/dropped off. Only tell him when he needs to pick them up or drop them off. Let him ask about anything else. If he doesn’t ask, oh well.

If he is contacting you, keep it to a minimum.

Chris,
thanks for responding.

I thought about posting this on general questions, but don't know how to get this post on that area. Can you help me with this?

I don't talk with H at all. I occasionally have to email him to plan with him what the kids are doing during the time he is with them. And to plan for those. And, we talk about kids stuff when he gets kids or drops them off. He does not solicit communication from me, and I have told him, and I think he sees, that I am fine without him. He, on the other hand, does not look great. My kids and I and him somehow ended up eating dinner last night together at a school function.For the most part, the kids and I were talking,e tc. and he seemed very out of the conversation. I only occasionally directed any communication to him, and when I did I was pleasant. It was obvious to me that he didn't know what to say or how to get involved with us.

NOt sure how this will go-

Again, I ask, anyone out there plan B'ed and got back together? I feel as if our separation will just lead to divorce, the way things are going.

I thought about posting this on general questions, but don't know how to get this post on that area. Can you help me with this?

Go over there & start a new topic.

Did you send a Plan B letter or are you just separated?

I am separated. WE had been in counseling with Steve Harley on and off for a year or more. It was STeve who encouraged me to file given H's behavior. So I did. It was getting to point I was hating him for his behavior.

Steve says I am in plan B, but never said I had to send a letter to my H. But, I am in plan b--no excessive communication,a nd H knows that I separated to protect myself from further hurt from him, and that if he wants to commit to work on marriage, under conditions laid out to him, I am ready and willing.