i was kind of shocked at our marriage counselor. our last session she told us we had to make up our minds to end it or not. she says it is like a slow drip. slowly torturing the both of us. i was surprised and spoke up and said i feel like this is another form of addiction for my husband as he is a recovering addict and alcoholic in A.A> for 13 yrs. he met the o/w in A.A which is a big no-no in A.A they both no better. it had only been 9 days since he stopped all contact with the o/w when we went to counseling. so i told dr. i though he was still in the so called fog and couldn't start recovery till he was out of it. she said she is just trying to guide us and just through things out there for us to think about. i'm trying to make it work and if it takes time i am willing to give it more than 9 days. she agreed. but i was still a little shocked i heard you need to be careful of therapist. she has been really great till this point. i am giving her another try. if i feel she is not doing a good job i will suggest to H. we find another. i am not giving up on 28yrs. of marriage. my 3-kids are devistated f-23 f-19 m-13. they love their father he really is a great man, worth the fight! i allso think my H. is going through mid-life crisis. he is terrified of getting old. maybe that is part of the reason he had an A. with a 38 yr. old he is 51 i am 49.he has never been with anyone but me. we met when i was 16 he was 18 we married when i was 21 yrs. old. we had our first daughter when i was 25 yrs. old. we have been through a lot together. it has now been 12 days and i can't really exsplain it totally but my H. seems more relaxed. he doesn't have that glazed look in like he is on drugs anymore. he is hugging me more. we go out on a date every sat. we allso go to the gym together at least 3xweek. we are going to newport for the weekend of 6/6-6/8 it is our 28th wedding anniversary, i have no idea what will happen. we haven't been intimate since i found out on march 23, 2003. i am a pretty level headed person, but this almost did me in. i was on antidipresents for about 2-weeks and tranquilizers, but that was enough i felt i really couldn't think straight. the antidep. made me worse. the tranqs. help but i don't really like pills. the o/w moved here in from Maine because of her job. my H. met her in A.A. in late aug. 2002. she sat at my dinner table with us in sept. 2002 she went to my sons football game with us in oct.2002. my oldest daughter found her a place to live in dec. 2002 she couldn't afford her appartment. her dad died in jan. 2003 so she transfered her job and moved back to Maine. that is when the A. started. my husband was suppose to go with me my son-13 my neice-13 to disney,but he said he didn't think it was wise because he started working for a new company in jan. 2003. and we really couldn't afford for him to miss a weeks pay. as he had been layed off for a month around the end of dec.2002 till jan. 2003. he dropped us off at the airport march 15, 2003 and i thought he was going to visit this friend-{the o/w}for the weekend. she supposibly had a boyfriend. continue the affair what a fool i was! well i came home on march 22, 2003.i found out one 3/23 i questioned H. he was acting strange. he said he felt love for o/w they just kissed. huh! i made an appt with marriage counselor for 4/9. on the way there i pressed H. did you have sex. finally half way to counseling he told me, yes! i was devistated.he has to take viagra. but i guess or hope the guilt was to much he couldn't have intercorse with her so they had oral sex. no better! that is pretty intimate! but at least she won't get pregnant. what a tangled web we weave. i really feel for the kids!

That marriage counseler sounds like a bad one to me.
She's not letting the two of you get through the process of healing your marriage - she's asking you to make a decision soon and that's not a good thing.

Take care - you'll get through this with a little help from a 'new' marriage counselor!

I sort of had the opposite problem with a marriage counselor:

We only went to him for two sessions... but we'd been to marriage counseling off & on during our marriage, I had stuck with my husband through 5 affairs, and it was I that had suggested we try counseling again before giving up on the marriage. I did not want to get a divorce but something had to be done about my husband's escalating anger problem, dishonesty, and porn problem.

My husband and I both thought that it seemed the marriage counselor agreed with my husband and even endorsed his angry outbursts. My husband had raised his voice and ranted in both sessions but the counselor didn't act as if his behavior was inappropriate. Also, the counselor basically shushed me every time I tried to say anything. He said talking about the past during the sessions would be off-limits. I mostly sat there silent while my husband yelled (and lied). He also told my husband he didn't have to ever feel guilty about anything (like THAT was a problem for my husband - HA) Most of the first session was devoted to my husband expressing rage about how I 'made him' smash his guitar to bits, complete with my husband yelling that guitar was 'the most precious thing in his life'. In the second session the counselor asked my husband if he felt trapped, which my husband took as his cue to yell for the rest of the session about how trapped he felt.

After our first session with this counselor my husband said some really horrible things to me the next day. After our second session he hit me for the very first time, breaking my glasses, and told me "No man would want you".

So I called the counselor and cancelled our next appointment, telling him that I thought the sessions were not helping us. He told me that he could tell I just had my heart set on gettng a divorce and didn't really want to work at the marriage! This man didn't have the first clue about what had gone on in our marriage - what I had toughed it out through - because he wouldn't let me tell him anything in the sessions.