MY wife left 3 months ago after disclosing her affair with a married man. He was the husband of a good friend of hers and aquantences of ours.

I've spent the last 3 months giving her the space she needed and when we do talk or meet ( I haven't called her for the last month but she calls)I keep everything upbeat and light trying to build those love units and difuse her Taker while killing my Taker. I was about to reach out and explain the mistakes I made in our marriage and changes I was making. My olive branch. All in hopes the affair would end and she would see that i was willing to work on our problems if she wanted. But to my surprise her affair partner just dumped her. He's told his wife, friends, family its over. (but who really knows)

MY wife is likely feeling dumped just as I had 3 months ago.

Given that the affair is cracking should I now move to cut off contact with my wife until she makes a commitment to us? This would meen leaving her alone to deal with her situation. Or should I wait a short time for her to get a little stability (build more love units) before I tell her that she can't call me anymore until shes finshed with the affair?

I'm not ready to date yet and move on but I do feel strong enough to stop all contact. I just don't know if this is the most effective time to hit her with the "don't call unless he's gone and were your priority."

goodguy007,

Don't cut the contact but don't approach her either. Just be there as a freind. Meanwhile put together a list of what it takes for you in order to reconsile ... this is for you and not to punish her. Be host with yourself and don't short change yourself !. She will approach you that is the time for you to give her the list ... until then stay shy from talking about R w/ her.

Plan B is for the last resort. Right now stay in plan A specially when her A is cracking.

-rh-

hello goodguy thank you for your reply my H. seemed very lost after he ended his A. his eyes were glazed over and had a far away look in them.he allso claimed that he hasn't been in love with me for along time. that was news to me. we never ever fight get along great my H. is in A.A. he has beeb in recovery for 13 yrs. he is no stranger to addiction. the o/w is allso in A.A. that is how they met big no-no. my H. is still home he left for one day and came back. we go to marriage counseling once a week and seperate counseling once a week. he has had n/c with o/w for 20 days now.