Our daughter just came back from visiting her father at his and OW's home. I hate her going there especially being as he's only been living with OW a couple of months. He first introduced our daughter to the OW and her son a week after we split, insensitive or what? Many an LB over this....LOL. To show him that I disapprove of him taking there is a LB, is that right?

Started on PlanA today and I dunno, I feel that my LoveBank has become over the past couple of months, half empty for my WS.

I've made recognisable changes to my physical appearance with no responses from him which did disappoint me. And also these little things my daughter will say on returning from their home make me angry, make me feel like I want to LB on him. Things such as how dad, OW and our daughter went to see OW's son play football at school tonight. Makes me mad because my WS hardly, if ever, showed any interest in OUR daughters out of school activities, yet he goes willingly to another mans childs activities. It was OW's idea to go apparantly, I guess my WS tags along like a lovesick puppy, he appears to be besotted with the woman.

When he dropped our daughter off he asked if I had a few of his belongings. I'd mentioned last week that they were in the boot of my car. Since then I had removed them though, so I told him I'd give him them Friday when I go and pick up my child support from him.

Maybe I am wasting my time with PlanA, perhaps I should just go to PlanB because we are seperated. I just don't think that there is any hopes of reconciliation, he appears to be so obviously where he wants to be.

Yep I've had calls from him saying he still loves me, he is unhappy because he still loves me.......yet he doesn't appear at all to be unhappy to me. And perhaps he made these calls while his guilt was still strong because the last call I recieved was four weeks ago and none since.

What do others think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EdensSecret:
<strong>To show him that I disapprove of him taking there is a LB, is that right?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As long as you told him w/ no anger & demmand & judgement. D is his daugther ... you are only responsible the part when D is with you. Just him know your diagreement.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Makes me mad because my WS hardly, if ever, showed any interest in OUR daughters out of school activities, yet he goes willingly to another mans childs activities. It was OW's idea to go apparantly, I guess my WS tags along like a lovesick puppy, he appears to be besotted with the woman.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When the lovepuppy is gone, OW would get a rude awakening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Maybe I am wasting my time with PlanA, perhaps I should just go to PlanB because we are seperated. I just don't think that there is any hopes of reconciliation, he appears to be so obviously where he wants to be.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You need a plan don't do it in a rush & anger.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Yep I've had calls from him saying he still loves me, he is unhappy because he still loves me.......yet he doesn't appear at all to be unhappy to me. And perhaps he made these calls while his guilt was still strong because the last call I recieved was four weeks ago and none since.

What do others think?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hang in there ... With separation it is easier to wait and see if WH like his "new family". If H like to deal with OW's ExH ... Pay attention on what OW are doing to keep your WH ... what ENs is fillin by her and learn how you could show that you could do it. Plan A is not forever but until you could walk away from this M with no anger, resentment and hurt you might stay away from plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> if He calls and saying those thing, life in la la land is not that greener ... do you think OW would be ok hearing that ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> A might or might not be cracking ... just don't LB and wait&see

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
As long as you told him w/ no anger & demmand & judgement. D is his daugther ... you are only responsible the part when D is with you. Just him know your diagreement.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The trouble is, is that our daughter at eight years old is recieving *mixed messages* in all of this. I have told her as best I could that dad did wrong, that dad should not have left us to go and live with another woman and her child. Yet when I am allowing my WS to take her there, I am sending out to her the message that it's ok for dad to have done what he did, like somehow I'm giving my approval to my daughter of what he did.
I have discussed with my WS and all he can reply with is that OW is part of his life now, our daughter is best of getting used to it as quickly as possible <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He doesn't seems to have any concerns as to how all of this has/or could be affecting our daughter, how this all may be emotionally damaging for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When the lovepuppy is gone, OW would get a rude awakening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL, yeah you are right. I do have info that OW does not like it when my WS shows anger/or is in a bad mood. She goes quiet and then flees to the bedroom to sulk apparantly. She spent 10 years in an abusive marriage before she met my H, so I figure she will not want to put up with any abuse or temper tantrums whatsoever from another man. She has already threatened to leave him once when WS was in one of his moods.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hang in there ... With separation it is easier to wait and see if WH like his "new family". If H like to deal with OW's ExH ... Pay attention on what OW are doing to keep your WH ... what ENs is fillin by her and learn how you could show that you could do it. Plan A is not forever but until you could walk away from this M with no anger, resentment and hurt you might stay away from plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> if He calls and saying those thing, life in la la land is not that greener ... do you think OW would be ok hearing that ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> A might or might not be cracking ... just don't LB and wait&see</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only trouble is, I'm not sure just what *needs* she is fulfilling for him and not sure just exactly what his needs are??

Toward the end of our marriage, communication had totally broken down. Each of us was neglecting the other. He has said that he was tired of the arguments, has told me that he no longer felt I loved him, has told me that I wasn't meeting sexual needs. Strange, because we still had a sex life a week prior to him leaving and he always used to say that sex was not the be all and end all of a marriage, there were more important things!!! I figured though that perhaps OW is more adventurous in bed and meeting his *hidden* sexual needs.....LOL!! If this is the case, then I can't meet that need while he remains with OW.

I just read a post somewhere where it recommended that if you aren't sure of WS's *needs*, try to show that you can fulfil a *need* everytime you have contact. Seems a good idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EdensSecret:
<strong>[QUOTE]Originally posted by redhat:
[b]He doesn't seems to have any concerns as to how all of this has/or could be affecting our daughter, how this all may be emotionally damaging for her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My ExW is doing the same pushing OM to my 2 D ... doing damage and won't listen to co-parenting conselor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . However I can't do anything ... only tell my 2 D that her behavior is not a good model. Mine is abit easier since I had decided to let go the pain, so I have NC with ExW ... my 2 D well aware why.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>She spent 10 years in an abusive marriage before she met my H, so I figure she will not want to put up with any abuse or temper tantrums whatsoever from another man. She has already threatened to leave him once when WS was in one of his moods.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just wait and sit back ... like watching SOAP OPERA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and don't get emotionally involve, you know what is going on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . This way when you are sick of it you could turn off the channel w/ plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Only trouble is, I'm not sure just what *needs* she is fulfilling for him and not sure just exactly what his needs are??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No wonder your M is in trouble. Print ENq and LBq then fill it up as if he does it for you ... guess the best you can, you only need top 5 and do them all (order is not important). For instance ... if you did extra cleaning of the house ... how did he react ?. Based on his reactions when you do fillin ENs ....

Reducing LB is the most important thing ... fillin LBq !.

-rh-

You should NOT allow WS to have visitation with your children and OW.

In fact, in my divorce agreement -- neither of us is allowed to introduce "others" to the children for at least 6 months following the decree.

You should consider something similar.

Plan A is NOT letting WS do whatever he wants.

Please consider moving your post to the General Questions board....it gets more action and you will get some very experienced responses.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lexxxy:
<strong>You should NOT allow WS to have visitation with your children and OW.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just curious Lexxxy, did you introduce your kids to OM when you have your A ?. Did your BH tried to stop it ? did it work for you ?. I ask this questions b/c I have a hard time with my ExW. I can't get separation order in CA ... to liberal. I managed to get court appointed co-parenting conselor to middle the disputes. She told my exW not to bring OM around .... not working. my ExW kept my 2 D for Fathers day to "punish" me. All I could do is file contempt of court in which will do no good but make me poorer. No judge would take 2 D from their mom. That is not my intention either. My exW is still in the fog ... I am either going insane with her or I would not let her get "her payoff". Her A shows cracking and she is not happy ... as you know she blamed it on me ... She wants to make me unhappy too. I could make a scene 'till police come and they will gave me my 2 D. I have Dv decree, but what price I have to pay to show that I am right ?. I have my 2 D today, I told them "every day is like fathers day to me since you are both are very good D. That date on the calendar is only for commercial purposes." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also if you or your BH violate the court order ... beside the burden of prove w/o involving your kids, what the court would do ?. Probably only slap on the hand and give a warning ...

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lexxxy:
<strong>You should NOT allow WS to have visitation with your children and OW.

In fact, in my divorce agreement -- neither of us is allowed to introduce "others" to the children for at least 6 months following the decree.

You should consider something similar.

Plan A is NOT letting WS do whatever he wants.

Please consider moving your post to the General Questions board....it gets more action and you will get some very experienced responses.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK thanks Lexxy. It is very quiet over here so I will move this post over there shortly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for allowing my WS to take our daughter to the OW's and his home, I was told by a solicitor that contact between our daughter and OW should not have happened until at least six months to a year after our seperation. Wish I'd known this beforehand. When I recieved this advice he'd already had our daughter in the presence of OW around six times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I disapprove greatly in his choice of where he takes her and would much prefer him to spend quality time alone with our daughter. He doesn't seem to understand that a *father/daughter* relationship is a totally seperate relationship from any other he may have in his life. OW seems to be at the moment, the be all and end of all of his life, they are still both in the *honeymoon period* you see.

We've had countless arguments over his choosing to take her to OW's home. He is just so damn insensitive, both to my daughters and my feelings.