My wife and I are 'trying' to work things out. In other posts you can read the details but basically she had an affair while out of the country w/o my knowledge and believe she and the other guy are soul mates. I have been Plan Aing for about 2 1/2 months now and I though things were going well! We saw a counselor and she has been showing signs of love toward me slowly - ie saying "I love you too", showing affection etc. She tells me she has had no contact with him since April and is working on figuring out where she is with her marriage first. We are both Christians.

Today I found an email she sent him saying how much she loves & cares for him and that her feelings have not changed. I also found other emails over the past 2 months saying similar things! They also have exchanged phone text messages, letters, and she even bought him stuff and sent him a package! All behind my back.

What do I do here? I kind of feel bad for checking her email but it is only cause I noteced an outgoing message to his email address. I know she will be pissed knowing I did this, but she has been lying to me for 2 months!

Is this a trigger for plan B? I am so lost and frustrated here. Any advise would be great, I have to run but will add anymore necessary info later.

Thx

Hi Above,
Yes I understand your frustration, you are needing more answers now.

Before you talk to her about it. Ask her to please be "open and honest" with you. That you have something very important to talk to her about. Then proceed.

I would definitely speak to her about what you
found.

Tell her how you feel about what you found, that it has frustrated you, and made you sad, that she lied to you.

I'm not sure but, if she doesn't go to the other country, you don't have to worry about separation or possible plan B.

But you can ask her to make an agreement never to
e-mail him again.

I know it hurts because it is the matter of what is in her heart to do this to you. And for 21/2 months you thought she was being on the up and up.

What do you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sincerely, -Ladysheep

I spoke with her last night. A really good talk actually but she never once told me the truth about this. I asked her to be open and honest, she knew that I would not get angry or blow up. I have avoided all LBs for over 2 months now, it has not been easy though.

She told me that she has had 0 contact with him and he has had 0 contact with her over the last two months, period. But I know she is not being truthful.

I did not tell her about the emails yet.

We did talk about the situation and she did tell me her feelings for him have not changed at all. She says she is 'waiting' for the answer of what to do. This I believe, but I dont see how she can ever love me or our marriage again unless she lets go of him instead of just sitting and 'waiting' for something to happen.

Thank you for the kind words, does anyone else have anything?

Hi Above,

Well you are handling things very well, considering, I know it's not easy. No LB's
in 2 months is a big accomplishment too.

The thing is, is that when you confronted
her, she still lied to you and said, she
has had "0" contact in the past 2 months.
You have seen the e-mails the last 2 months.
So she has contacted him. Maybe he hasn't
contacted her though. Maybe that is what
she is "waiting" for, before she chooses
to make any decision.

Can you find out if he has contacted her?
If he hasn't that is a good thing.

You made a wise choice not bringing up the
e-mails to her. I'm glad you didn't listen
to me!!! I was wrong about that. You do
need to "not" let her know about the e-mails, because that is the only way you will know if
something is going on. Sorry about that!!!
One thing I would never want to do and that is
mislead you or anyone. I pray for wisdom!!!

God Bless, -Ladysheep