I've been in Plan A for almost a week now, I began it last Sunday. I've talked to H on the phone about three times since then and each time I have been very polite and used a softer tone of voice. This morning before I called him, I was debating whether to throw in a *darling* or a *honey* when talking to him - but I just couldn't bring myself to call him that and I had desperately wanted too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I went to meet him this afternoon to collect child support, I took notice of every little action, every little thing that he said. I sat in the car and he'd walked over. I was intent on greeting him with a big smile. He opened the car door and then proceeded to place an extension wire for my lawn mower onto the seat next to me (I'd called him yesterday to ask if he had an extension wire and would he bring it along).........he wasn't even looking at me as he was talking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He then asked if he could see his daughter on Sunday, then he looked at me!! I'd had my eyes fixated on him throughout, I felt pretty relaxed and calm. I noticed his lip quiver, a sad look in his eyes, he seemed to stumble a little over his words, almost looked as if he was going to cry - well, I had to then look away because suddenly I felt emotion for him starting to overwhelm me and I didn't want him to see it. Anyway we said our goodbyes and he left.

I think that perhaps my H doesn't know how to take me when he sees me, still feels an awful lot of guilt. I have shown a lot of anger in the past when we have had face to face contact, but I know now that anger is my ENEMY and was driving us further apart each time I displayed this trait.

I was talking of remaining only in Plan A for two weeks only. I think that it's going to take a lot longer and a lot more work on my part than that.
My WS won't see an overnight change in me, it's going to take months for him to see any change/accept any change in me.

EdensSecret,

Maybe you should try to write your feeling in plan A letter ... basically similiar to plan B letter minus the NC. It is a love letter ! and I would give it to him when he picks up D. You know he is hurting, no question about it. Good job <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and let's hope you get help from someone above to make OW LB'ed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>EdensSecret,

Maybe you should try to write your feeling in plan A letter ... basically similiar to plan B letter minus the NC. It is a love letter ! and I would give it to him when he picks up D. You know he is hurting, no question about it. Good job <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and let's hope you get help from someone above to make OW LB'ed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-rh-</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure that I would dare write him a letter Redhat. How would I know for sure that he wouldn't show the OW it? OW would only deepen her claws further into him if I pose any threat to his and her sordid relationship.

But yes, I do think he is hurting/or he is feeling a lot of guilt still as I said.

H knows that I would consider reconciling. I told him this last time he phoned when he told me he was unhappy because he still loved me. This was five weeks ago - no calls since <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So now I'm unsure of how he feels - does he still love me or not, I just don't know.

If he hadn't made those calls in which he was still saying he loved me, I wouldn't be PlanA'ing.
I'd have let go!

The fact that I recieved those calls from him, even though the last one was five weeks ago, has given me hope that there is still a chance for us. But I keep thinking that the longer time he spends away, the bond with OW will be deepening, but then again he may get a rude awakening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EdensSecret,

Let's look at the positive & negative of this ...

Your WH has something to read and read again, words in print carries more weight than in sounds. He might missed something that you said.
If your WH decides to hide it from OW, you know he is cheating OW.
If your WH decides to show to OW, more LB'ed would come to him .... let him see it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The only negative point; if WH decides to ignores it and no response from him ... rejection hurt. But you have nothing to loose.

Average Class II affairs last between 18-24 months. This is not from the start of A but when they start livin'n it (A is exposed).

Honestly, have you relook at the good memories, kodak moments, of your M and tell WH what it meant to you ?. have you told him what he mean to you in your life ?. have you told WH in detail what are your contibution in this mess and how you are going to fix it ?. have you told WH that you beleive that your M could survive this M if and only if he tries ?. If you have not or if only bit and pieces ... Plan A letter is a way to go.

-rh-