I've been reading the site for 2 months now I have the courage to write. My hope is going fast. My husband left Feb.14,2002. The oldest son found out about it he is 17. He knew for 2 weeks before telling me.What that must of felt like to him. We had been together for 2 years when we were teens and they moved away,then my family did. He came back to visit his grandparents and a old friend of ours seen him and the first thing he asked was about me. She got his number and gave him mine and a week later he moved here with me that was 1986. We have the two boys one 17 the other 4 and he is the one who still year and half later cring for his daddy. He told his dad the other day he is not his daddy no more he is someone else and that is when my heart truely broke. My husband this whole time comes over every Wed,Fri after work and all day Sunday. He has spent all holidays days with us.He has never asked to take either son enless it is with he and I to go out to eat or other places. I know she has a young daughter. I hope I am not writing to much.I just want some help on what to do. If I were to call him he is here in a heart beat.I have done plan A for as long as I can now I miss him deeply. He is my best friend and I think that is what keeps us grounded. I have asked him over and over what he wants and all I get is we will talk later. Well it is a year and a half later. Now what do I do.My friends tell me to play all these games with his head you don't do that to someone you love.The only way to fix this is to be true to each other.I have never seen the woman, they work together, talked with her one time when I found a number and left a message that I was ____ wife. I can't keep this up. We no I have talked some and I told him he would have to not see her no more for it to work with us and that might mean getting a new job all the stuff I have read in the book Surviving An Affair I have said.I told him I understand that he is in love with someone else and that he would go through withdrawals of missing her if he came home. He just said Love and rolled his eyes.What am I to do? I could keep writing but I feel foolish. Please help.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ June 28, 2003, 04:02 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Read Plan A and stick to it. That means work on yourself. Improve your look, for example the way you fix your hair and make up, the way you dress. Be as clean as you can be. Have fresh breath, if you smoke, quit. Exercise. Do for you, try to figure out his needs, ask him if you can. No love busters, and give yourself a time limit. If it doesn't work by ie next year at this time go no contact.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think it is great you got Dr. Harley's book. Remember, an affair is just a fantasy. No one can live like that forever. We all had that great stuff when we were first dating, but life is not like that. It will end even with the person he is having an affair with. Has to, thoses chemicals wear off and then he's left with a cheaper model than he had before. Remember, you are steak and she is hamburger. Sometimes a guy wants a burger, but it is never as good as a great t-bone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

No2nos,

Welcome to MB. Learn as much as you can about MB. 1.5 years is very long fog but you have not done plan A yet. I would suggest you to look at your M, understand why this mess happen. Think about what he said long before D-day about you & about M. What "big" event changed your M. Learn how to plan A. Of course you should not "talk" to him about R, it becomes LBed to him (annoying behavior).

You should show him that you could fix your part of the mess (maybe there is none) and see what is his reaction.

-rh-

Ok, I feel I have done Plan A long enough. I did all of the hair, makeup, when he left I lost weight from not eating was so depressed. dressed different. I still cook for him ,we still pay bills together etc. The day my son told me was Feb.14 he told me about the mobile phone that was hers that was what they would talk on at night. Our son heard them talking one night that is how he found out. He got the phone when my husband went to bed and got all the numbers out of it and our son drove her crazy with calls he knew his dad could not saying anything or he wanted him to. He never did so that was when he told me on valentines day two weeks later. Now that day my husband brought me flowers and a wonderful card sighed love you with a ! mark by it some small things for the boys. My oldest told me to go check the car and I will find what I was looking for and there it was. I brought the phone into the house tossed it at him and he didn't know what to say.From what I have gathered they have been talking for five months and seeing each other and I would go to his work at least once a week so he and I could have lunch together so she knew he was married. I have bought him food when I knew he had no money to take for his lunch or gave him money. I have been there for him as always. I feel like a door mat now and all I know is I want my husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She sometimes drive by when he is here. I told him that and he said, she is not that way. So I let it go. I know it was her I got her plate number and it goes with the one on her truck in their drive way! Like I said I can go on and on but I am getting more <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> and <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I think I would rather go out side and play trucks in the dirt with my son <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

No2nos,

This is I would do. Make a list of his complaints about you in M. For instance if he complaint about your weight ... loose some and loose more by creating a plan A action. You have to tackle one by one to address the issues. You also have to print and fill the ENQ+LBQ as if he does it for you. Guess his ENs & LBs ... fillin his ENs as much as you can, avoid LBs at all cost. Focus on doing this with time frame (3-6 months) ... when you think you had enough, you pull you plan A. Stop everything and let him decide.

-rh-