Thanks Redhat. I already have my own bank account. Can I get a different mailbox and have to post office just "forward" everything to that box or just ask them to rekey the lock and not give her a key? I would then get all the mail and just give kim her mail?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tim Foster:
<strong>Thanks Redhat. I already have my own bank account. Can I get a different mailbox and have to post office just "forward" everything to that box or just ask them to rekey the lock and not give her a key? I would then get all the mail and just give kim her mail?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO, get your own mailbox, the important mail, such as Bank & financial, contact the source to change it. Leave alone the junk or regular mail ... this is still your connection to her even it is small. You avoid LB and still eat the cake too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
-rh-

Redhat, kinda funny the wife calls our son and mentions they are coming back today and then going camping this weekend. I think they are trying whatever they can to pi** me off. I assume they are hoping I get to the point of throwing up my arms and filing for divorce. The "boyfriends" wife has not filed yet either. I am unsure if I should talk to her to tell her to be strong too. I know she doesn't have internet access at home, but maybe I could recommend a couple of the books to her. The mailbox part is not important to me really, but what about changing locks on the house? I guess I am not too worried about her taking things of value, since we really have nothing of value. Plus the only things she has now are her clothes, some makeup, and a few essentials I have taken to her, like a fan, some silverware, etc. The tough part is showing her I am doing things without her. Since she is out to his farm before I even get home from work, she never has a chance to even see me let alone realize that maybe I am going out or something. She doesn't even ask our son what I am up to and he doesn't volunteer any information to her. I have thought of getting a package of trojans or whatever and have them laying ina not so obvious but see able spot so that when she drops off the mail maybe she would see them. And at some point in the future if we are ever working on rebuilding and she ever asks about them I can say that I bought them in case we got intimate before the STD testing was done. Hopefully she would see them and wonder.

Tim,
Since you think you have nothing to loose you should just let go for mail & house key. Potential LB is outweight the gain, unless you think OM would comeover and do you harm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

Be carefull with OMW. Watchout for EA. You should only exchange information not for support.

About trojans <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , what if she intreprets it you have SF from somewhere ... or you son get a hold of it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . The purpose of plan B is for you to prepared moving on ... not to wonder and plan for reaction from WS. The only reaction that you should look for is "willingness to drop OM and work on M".

BTW ... trojans is expensive you should get lifestyle ... LOL!!! it took me a while to get it, I am kindda slow person.

-rh-

I guess I have no fears from the OM. I do not believe he would ever stand up to another man, thats why he spends all his time with women (lover not a fighter hehe?). I truly do not believe kim would come and take anything from the house without letting me know either, but I am not sure how weak she is to suggestions from him either. In my heart, anyways, I still believe she is the good woman she has always been. Trusting, loving, and caring. This state she is in now is just confusing and I may be blind but do not think she could resort to too much without alot of guilt.

Tim,
One of oldtimer here said ..."When you are in doubt, you should do nothing and wait". The best course of action is do nothing right now.

BTW. You never detailed your M background and yourself. I probably miss it, could you post the link or port your M profile ?. Also what do you think make your W goes wayward ?. Any insight ?. What do you know about OM ?

-rh-

I updated my profile with some info. We have been married 26 years as of 05-06-03. As far as I knew our relationship was in good shape. We had sex at least twice a week, rarely argued (except this last year when she was having this affair I blew up a few times about her walking late at night), we have one son who is 26 with 4 grandkids and another due next month (5 what a rush). Kim tells me that I was not affectionate enough (grandkids would poke fun at us for the hug and kiss I would give her after supper), was too controlling (the only example she could give me was I wanted supper ready at 5:00 every night and it stressed her some days to accomplish that), and sometimes when the grandkids would get under my skin I would chew her out instead of the kids (she said I would be mad the rest of the day, I thought I just got the point across and would let it pass), and basically we didn't communicate enough. We discussed all the "issues" at length and it basically sounded like it was a lack of communication both ways and she agreed. She told me that at the grandkids x-mas concert at school last dec. that we were watching it and I reached over and put my hand on her knee and she started crying because it touched her so. I told her she should have told me because (and she knows for sure) whenever I find out something she likes I pretty thrive on it (flowers for instance). She also said I was not spontaneous enough. Our sex occured pretty much the same nights each week. I told her I looked at it as something to look forward to, she didn't agree and I understood her reasoning for it. The OM graduated with me from HS and we were good friends until after everyone got married. Plus one night when I was sick with bronchitis, laid up in bed he was over for a couple beers and something told me something was not right so I got up and caught them kissing in the living room. He never came around after that, but as I told kim that night he planted a seed. He has been married 26 years also. Always complained his wife was a b***h. I did not really know her. He would be in a bar almost every night for a few hours. According to others he has had anywhere from at least 13 if not 20 affairs over the years. He has broken up a few marriages also. Thats what confuses me because kim knew what kind of person he is, but he must know just the right words to say to women to get them to melt. And of course he has told her she is the one and she somehows believes him. His wife found out about this affair a week before me and threw him out of the house. Whew kinda rambling on. Hope this helps.

Well went to the orthopedic today and he had x-rays taken. He showed me the trouble is between the c6 and c7 vertebrae, looks like the are almost touching. Made me an appointment for wed. am. for an MRI (something got messed up today, but what is time off anyways) to see if there is tissue damage. Sounding like some form of surgery, not looking forward to that. Too many people you hear of having surgery never get the problem fixed. Would not enjoy this for the rest of my life, but what can you do. Has my 2003 been a good year or what?

Tim,

Hang in there w/ plan B. You might loose 26 years but you still could rebuild for the next 26 years ... I lost my 17 years of M but I am looking forward for 2x 17 years of fullfilling M ... I am ready <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

What are your children & grand children saying about her A ?

-rh-

My son is still in disbelief like me and since they are raising there family by the bible, they are very upset about this. Of course they are caught in the middle too. They still have grandma only baby-sit once in a while, but her contact with the kids used to be almost every day and supper with them 2-3 times a week. Now its an occasional sitting and she may stop by for 5-10 minutes before she runs out to his farm maybe only once a week. The grandkids are 2,4,6,and 8. They all miss her, but our 6 year old granddaughter, who I'm guessing is going to be a counselor when she grows up, she asks so many questions and pieced it all together pretty quick. She is really taking it hard and now she is much closer to me than her grandmother. The scary thing and hopefully my faith will keep me from thinking it is if I end up with this neck problem that affects my right shoulder/arm the way it is all my life, I will have to have someone around that can help with things. Just trying to get salt in the softener was a chore. Very very painful dragging the bags and scooping the contents into the softener. Plus I had a big chunk of a tree down that I needed to get hauled away and using my little 14" chain saw (starting was real tough) and cutiing and loading it by myself made for a pretty challenging experience. I'm praying/hoping we will be able to get this resolved before I get to the point of thinking to heck with it because I need someone (not necessarily a lover) to be able to help with anything physical. Terrible to be unable to do things you used to be able to. Maybe I'm looking to deep into it. Maybe with god's help I'll be able to recover.

Had my grand daughters tonight and ran them out to the lake where friends of mine were camping. On the way out they were talking about how they had been out to the "farm" and seen the kittens and that kevin told them they could come out there whenever they wanted. I about sh**. I got ahold of my son when I got home and asked him where he stood on this issue. He is behind me all the way. I brought up the farm issue and he said he was going to talk to his mom on it. I told him that if he allows this, I may as well give up, because she is not really losing or having anything to miss in my plan b plan. I said I woould prefer if he could to cut almost all contact off from her and the kids to make her really suffer. Even though she only sees them maybe once a week.

Tim,

Let the kids alone ... let them decide by themself. Don't minggle with their R w/ your WW. If they love their mom ... which they should ... it doesn't mean they betrayed you. You tell them how you feel but not what to do.

-rh-

Redhat, ok but these are the grandkids. Same apply?

Yeap, to all family members. They have to love their mom/grandma but it is up to them to judge her action. So if they LB'ed to your WW it wouldn't tace back to you. It is their own.

-rh-

I guess that makes sense, even though the hard part is out at the farm life looks neet to them, kittens and lots of fun. The kids are ages 2-8.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tim Foster:
<strong>I guess that makes sense, even though the hard part is out at the farm life looks neet to them, kittens and lots of fun. The kids are ages 2-8.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't compete but don't LBed to your family either. You should be happy if your son & grandkids are happy. However sooner or later they will post a very hard questions to her. No one would be able to replace you; it is blood connection <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . If you weren't close to your son/grand kids ... now is the best time than ever ?. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

-rh-

I am definitely closer to my son now than I was before. We used to work on vehicles and play computer games, but never really talked about issues. We do now. I believe the grand children have really gotten closer to me throughout this. Which is great. They feel my pain and maybe see it in me too. There grandma was always there before, but now its just maybe once a week and then its to take them somewhere, like the water park today in a another town, which must be her way of trying to win/keep them over. Of course they remember that kind of stuff well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tim Foster:
<strong>There grandma was always there before, but now its just maybe once a week and then its to take them somewhere, like the water park today in a another town, which must be her way of trying to win/keep them over. Of course they remember that kind of stuff well.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeap, bribery out of guilt ... it never works in the long run. You should know by now, you could bring your kids to a local free neighborhood park and they are happy as a clam <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .... yes Disney would be nice but they would get tired of it past the first few times going there. It is quality time with them is important. Most WS are not emotionally available to other peoples ... but themself & OP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

-rh-

Redhat you are correct, I'm best to keep my nose to myself and let things fall as they will. It's been a shade over 3 weeks since no contact and kim doesn't even email me anymore. I don't know if the note I left her about cancelling the credit cards upset her or not, hope not, but I cannot take any chances. She still drops the mail off every day but thats about it. Going camping again this weekend, but she will not know anything about it till I'm gone I hope. May shock her a little, who knows. Might be the end of camping this year, depending what I find out after the mri tomorrow. If I need surgery for the vertebrae problem, my brother-in-law I think told me that recovery is about 12 weeks. I assume that means 12 weeks of doing very little. Not looking forward to that. I never could stand sitting around for more than 10 minutes at a time.

I might get spanked over this, but I was thinking of changing my answering machine at home to say:
Hi this is Tim I am unable to answer the phone right now please leave a message. If you are looking for kim she moved out in the middle of may to pursue an affair. She can be reached on her cell phone if you have the number or at kevin ######'s house. Thanks.

Ok spank away. I look at it as just being honest when someone calls looking for her.