I'm at wits end and feel like I've been running around in circles for the past 6yrs. Don't even know where to begin!

Have been seperated for past yr from WH. First A happened 6yrs ago. We had been seperated due to military for 9mths...counseling helped. It was a PA and we managed through it, I guess.
Then 3yrs ago we moved and I found out that he had been carrying on with another woman> We went to counseling to work through our issues, meanwhile, he had still been seeing her, without me knowing. 1yr of couseling later the OW called to tell me that he was still "laying down" with her, telling her he was getting a D, telling me that he hadn't seen or talked to her. (This site finally made sense, as to why he continued on with OW while in C...no closure, they kept running into each other.)

I had had enough, so, after a 3-way confrontation WS, BS & OW, We seperated and I told him I wanted a divorce, but I've been wishy washy about it. I love him, but am having a difficult time with bitterness, anger, resentment and obsessing about the OW (plural). He's an addict in the biggest sense!

After finally deciding to work through problems, I found out that H had gotten 2 OW pregnant, the 2nd OW had just had an abortion 1mth prior. Also found a video of he and her in every position imaginable!!!-just what I needed to see. Everything was brought back to the surface again.
H swears he wants our family back. In the mean time, he won't give up the 2nd OW until I decided wheteher I want to continue. He doesn't understand that I need to see him change, before I can make a change.

I love him, our son, and the future that we COULD have together...if he could just pull his head outta his *** and keep his pants on long enough to work on fixing us. Just don't know if I can hang in there and keep my sanity at the same time. He wants to make it work, but I'm so resentful that I'm pushing him back into OW arms, by not being able to deal with the hurt! How do I dig out and stop "riding the fence"?

<small>[ July 07, 2003, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: beachchik ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> H swears he wants our family back. In the mean time, he won't give up the 2nd OW until I decided wheteher I want to continue. He doesn't understand that I need to see him change, before I can make a change.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Both people need to change but he needs to put his money where his mouth is FIRST because after he had his 2nd affair, he demonstrated that he could not be trusted to change by capitulating to his wishes. Stand your ground and know that it is for you and your son's wellbeing.

If he is not willing to commit to ending all contact with the OW and following a marital recovery plan that includes counseling with a pro-marriage oriented professional and strict observance of the principles embodied in The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage then I'm afraid that all his words are nothing but hollow promises.

It's interesting that you said "pro-marriage counselor", because, I never realized until today that they were supposed to be anything anything but neutral. Our counselor always discussed past actions, but never a future course of action.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by beachchik:
It's interesting that you said "pro-marriage counselor", because, I never realized until today that they were supposed to be anything anything but neutral. Our counselor always discussed past actions, but never a future course of action.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately there are many of those around, that only end up draging up mostly the irrelevancies of the past without helping the couple to formulate ,as you so aptly put it, a 'future course of action'. The Harley's (Steve and his sister Jennifer) and Penny R Tupy (our resident MB coach who goes by the username of Cerri) founder of Save Your Marriage Central are just a couple of pro-marriage, 'course of action' oriented counselors. You may want to contact them.

There has been so much deception & hurtfulness. Seems that anytime I do feel "soft" towards WH, that very minute I'm reminded of past/present indiscretions.
Yesterday, I had been on MB web the whole day and realized that there was hope, other's have survived and why should'nt we. Went to pick up my son, and share the news...that it was possible and maybe we would be able to with a plan.
The OW car was in his drive. Set back. Of course when I called him, his truck was stuck in the mud and he would drop off our son when he got back. I've heard all those stories before, car ran outta gas, broke down etc... (this time it was true they had gotten stuck in mud, confirmed by son)
But I blew up anyway! I can't get the anger under control and it's the biggest roller coaster I've ever been on. I hate roller coasters...don't like turmoil and avoid it at all costs. That's why I can't decide what to do. Either way is a bad decision and causes turmoil...