.........You contnuously blame your H for making you have contact with him, and why isn't he listening to you?? Why should he? He is getting his way...Long discussions, meetings etc..Why can't Child support be sent in the mail, or dropped in your home mail box, at a friends etc...These are ploys to get you to give, you are partly to blame.........

Yes they are all ploys to get me to give and it's my fault that I allow it to continue, I realise that and this is why I am finally putting an end to it all, hence the call I made to him last Monday morning in which I told him that from now on things are going to different.

ie :

1. I no longer take our daughter to see him at the meeting place, he collects her from outside my home !!

2. He places child support through my letterbox, or gets a friend to drop it in for me. I am no longer going to collect it from him.

Has he taken any notice though ?? NO!!

Is he likely too ?? NO!!

Not until he sees I really mean business anyway.

The reason why H doesn't seem to take me seriously I think, is because I have said soooooo many things before and I have failed to carry them through - this time he is in for a shock, I will not be moved, no matter how much he begs, cries, pleads.......nope, nope!! I mean what I say this time!

I feel a *****, I really do. I hate, just hate to have to stand up to him, to go against his wishes, to not do him any favours. You see I've always been there for H, he's always been able to depend on me, I've stood by him through thick and thin, he knows it ! He even said on the phone that he has always been able to rely on me, that I'm always there for him.......

I know that I must stand my ground on this one, not give in to him, not let him control me anymore.....if I break, I'm back to square one with him.

While I am here, can anyone point me in the direction of a getting ready for PlanB thread. I saw someone mention it another thread but they didn't leave a link. I want to make sure firstly that I am doing the right thing.

Hey Eden, You are on the right track (IMHO), and I know what you mean for so long over our 10 mos separation out of hurt or anger I would say "I'm done, I am moving on" etc or talk about D but I never followed through with it. Quite honestly, I did it at times without my heart in it because I was hoping that would get a positive reaction out of him (dumb huh?)...Any way, even though I am still battling it, I knew in my heart that I needed to this last week. This is not a Plan B per se for me, since there are a few different circumstances, but it is a "No Contact", for part of the same reason you did it....He could rely on my continuously, I was his best friend, I met most of his emotional needs, I knew this needed change for any change to happen....

I am not experienced at attaching links but if you go on the main home page, under Q & A's you may able to find a link....Good luck!!

........I knew this needed change for any change to happen....

Exactly the way I have been thinking of late. Things between I and H were appearing to be going nowhere fast, nothing was moving forward and had completely ground to a halt. He was calling Friday mornings in regard to child support, I was going to collect it, while being nice, happy go lucky, all smiles, trying to make conversation.....

Same applied Sundays. He would call, tell me what time he would be there to collect his daughter, he showed up...blah, blah, blah...

H can't believe how understanding and calm I have been throughout this whole mess and has said so. Even though he knows he hurt me deeply, I've even stood by him, been at his beck and call, gone out of my way for him, at a time when I should've hated him and turned my back on him......unconditional love is what he has been shown, time after time after time.

Contact between us this past two months has however dwindled. He wasn't calling me as regularly on the phone, I was no longer calling him....I never, ever pursued him. I never begged, pleaded or bargained with him to come home from Day one of him leaving.

But the ILY calls, I am unhappy darling and I wanna come home calls have still kept on coming despite the limited contact and since four weeks after he left until present day. Maybe it was a good thing that we had seemed to distance this past two months, I don't know. One thing for sure, my H hasn't been a cake eater, not a *supreme cake eater* like some men become anyway. Some like the wife and the OP, still want to have relations with the wife at the same time as OP, etc........that never happened between I and H. He moved out and he kept away !! He hasn't set foot in my home since week 2 of him leaving, four and a half months ago.

Only contact as I said, was by phone and when I was collecting child support, taking our daughter to see him.

Sometimes wonder whether I did a good enough PlanA because I havn't really seen him all that often to follow a good enough PlanA. In our phone calls though I think he sensed my changes in these. I always showed him love in these calls, told him I still loved him, showed him affection, would be willing to reconcile, we talked about old times, laughed and joked, etc.

In some ways it already feels like I have been doing a PlanB minus the letter, due to the limited contact also and because of the fact that we have only communicated about child support and our daughter.

I was of the opinion that due to this limited contact between us he would forget all about me, that the bond between he and OW would only deepen, etc. If this was the case, why then will he still call me. OW is obviously doing something wrong, that I do right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was really quite surprised when he called back Monday and said all of what he did because it was the last thing I was expecting. The last ILY call that I had recieved prior to this was two weeks previous, however he was more open in the one on Monday and said a whole lot more than he usually does.

I do really need to take a hardened approach though. Nothing will change otherwise.

Thanks for listening btw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 19, 2003, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: EdensSecret ]</small>

I would consider sending a PlanB letter to him,
You would consider it? But are you gonna do it?

to her, NO WAY!
The reason you send it to her is so she knows that you are committed to the marriage, regardless of anything he has told her.

The Plan B letter to her is the exact same letter as your h except it has an extra paragraph at the end. Something like;
"ow,
I love my h and I am willing to wait & give him time to return to the marriage."

I do really need to take a hardened approach though. Nothing will change otherwise.
Agreed.
I cannot understand why you seem so much against a Plan B letter, even only to your husband.