</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>Reality is here folks, lets see how she handles it now. It was her idea to sell the house last night, all along she kept asking me to refinance and keep it, just another hook to keep her options open that will be taken away.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WS in this stage is very confused. It is an addiction to A ... say anything, do anything under the sun to prolong it. If selling the house means that she could get more money for her & OM to prolong this A .... nothing sacred.

My ExW filed b/c she wants more money. Get ready ... either she will shaken up or she will go through with it. Again I suggest you to have the strickest NC ... to avoid LB and to protect whatever love/feeling left for your WW.

Where is the kid ? who has him (sleeping at night) and who bring him to activities ?.

I really advice you to do "Dv financing Plan". You have to increase you basic need ... housing/transportation/food ... You have to decrease your income. I made mistake and for more than a year I financed their A under the court order !. ExW is not working & OM is broke ! now who pay for them to go around ?. I finally managed to get "laid off" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , I was the happiest worker on that day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Now reality of money hit them after my severance $ runs out and their A starts showing cracks. It is not a revenge or trying to get her back, I am protecting my financial future & I am done with her. I am sitting back, eating chip & hot salsa and watching their "TeleNovellas". Latest episode, OM had a bruise on his ribs, OMExW is getting stronger and plan NC with OM, ExW & OM have to finish up Cisco Classes that they took over a year ago. Next episode is about ExW is getting a job, stress/abuse due to financial melt down, and listening to my 2 D vents about their stay with ExW (I am pretty sure ExW has some bruises ... one of their past episode, ExW had buise/black eye and OM had teeth mark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

-rh-

Isnt love grand, bruise ribs, teeth marks, and we are the ones they left.

My financial position is I'm retired, could do it at 50 and did, recieve a monthly pension, plus a minor military disability. She cant get into my pension or I can get into hers.

Pretty sure her and the OP plan to get a apartment together, in this state though you can get a order forbidding a unmarried member of other sex from spending the night while the child is in the household, I informed her of this and my intention of obtainind said order,,, OOOOPSSS, she did not like this and informed me she would do the same for me,,, well OK, I dont have anyone,, so what is the issue.

Far as the son goes, I have him on Tues,and he stays till wed night as she has class, every day cept Sat and Sun I have him 7A-6P, she is currently staying at her parents home and they are very good with him, he is ten.

I cant wait till she is on her own, has to clean, laundry, cook and be a mother, seems like her free time is going to diminish quite a bit, but if she follows the pattern she has of late, the son will get alot of quality time with the TV.,

He is aware of who the OP is, another thing I cant wait to see when she tries to introduce him.
Little man can be quite a handful if he does not approve of what you are doing. Right now he thinks that there is no one in her life, even after hearing the arguements with his name and me explaining who that was, as he asked. She will have some splaining to do, and I dont think he will except any.

I've told my family finally today of what is foing on.

Right now she has a hammer on me cause I did retire under her medical plan, soon as I find a job with medical, all HER family is going to know.
Some how she seems embarassed by the fact that she is having a A and doesnt want anyone else to know in her family, isnt sneaking cheating and lying something to be proud of, not to say a major lack of morals and character.

A never make sense ... except selfishness at its purest manifestation.

In CA I can't get that ... unless I could show OM is dangerous to my 2 D. They would not even look into "possesion of drugs" & DUI records of him since it is 14 years ago.

You should expose A before, A should be grilled under the sun.

Just remember what ever "temporary order" which based on the curent setting, you would have to fight it to change !.

I would buy a house from the proceed and minimize your "disposable income". Change your truck to the lastest model ...

-rh-

redhat, plan on purchasing a townhome, have a car payment and the Harley in the garage to pay for.

She will not get any alimony as she is paid more than I.

She just picked up the son, pulled into the drive and called on the phone for him to come out. She must be feeding her therapist a real hostile picture of me,,, wonder if she mentioned the A there yet, I doubt it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>She will not get any alimony as she is paid more than I.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is not how much you make but how much disposable income is available ... at least in most of states.

Harley ... I might get Indian instead, supporting local manufacturing company. Once my financial setllement is reached, I am lurking for H-2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

Sorry to post so often, but I use this as a venting and journal.

Anyhow the realestate agent came over tonight, just for a appraisal, the wife did not come, so bout five minutes ago, she calls and wants to know what the home was valued at, I told when the agent comes Monday to sign the papers to list the home we will know, goodnight and hung up.

When she came to pick up the son, she called from the driveway for him to come out, I thought she left and went outside she was still in the car, she does not look like the happey camper I thought she would.

I havent been rude, just very to the point and end the conversation immediatley.

I'm not hopeful in the least at this point, she has spun tales about me to her parents, therapist and whoever will listen,, all absolutley untrue and never mentioning her A, and everyone is telling her to keep her distance from me.

I have told her parents before about who the OP is, and I'm sure she is giving the same lip service that he is only a friend he works with. Going to be interesting if they start living to gether or dating and she has to explain the sitch to the parents, son and everyone else she denied things to. Think that will put a little pressure on her love interest.

Seems the

There's no need for you to apologize for posting often. It's better that you vent here to us than to your W.

It doesn't matter what she tells her family and close friends because you've already exposed her A wide open to them and now they will have their eyes wide open to verify your story. You have indeed thrown a monkey wrench into the machinery of her A.

TMCM, she is definetley in some pain, saw her today when she picked up the son,, looks like someone kicked her butt. When she called, she was not her usual indignant self, very sheepish.

I think there are some second thoughts going on there, but her pride will not let her say it.

Very stubborn, once she makes up her mind, even if she is wrong, she does things just to proove her point.

Keep in mind the old saying 'Pride goeth before a fall' for it is very true.

rookie,

IMVHO. You should not have any contact !. Why ?, you would look and sound mean to your WW !. You look more to hurt her than "loving" ... Let your plan B letter works.

-rh-

Redhat, no contact right now is impossible.

I have to see her Monday night to sign the paperwork to have the house put on the market, soooo, I'll be having a very pleasant evening on Monday.

Also, as long as the house is under our names, hers and mine, in this state I cannot deny her access, as the other night when she was waiting for me.

But, I do think it got through her thick skull I wont talk to her, as like last night when she came to pick up the son and wouldnt get out of her car and called on the cell for him to come out.

She did call last night in regards to the appraisel, I simply told her it would me here monday and hung up, ten minutes later she calls, asks that I quit talking about her A with the son, informed her I will, when he stops asking quetions about it, informed her she was the one that put herself in that position, not I, and hung up again.

So far this seems like it is following a B movie script, everything is right on as I have read of others situation.

I am not rude to her, just to the point, will answer the questions that need to be answered and hang up, with a good bye, of coarse, and not give her the time to reply, or ignite a arguement.

As said earlier, her voice now is very sheepish and from what I' saw of her yesterday, she is looking haggard, emotionally., not the defiant, in control position she had last week.

I did inform my mother(after 7 mos of this crap) of the affair, and did invite mom for dinner tonight, should be interesting to see how she reacts to her, they were not close, but the W did respect her and the respect was returned. Now that mom knows, if W tries to initiate a conversation I know mom, hard headed ole pollack who will speak her mind. See how the little darlin handles that one.

Also, call from another friend at work, at least where I used to work, and the wife is still there, EVERYONE knows about her a, her name is Bettina, she has a new nickname sluttina, hurts like hell to hear people say that about your W, but if the shoe fits??????

Been keeping busy, out at friends when she called the other night, had friends(mutual with W, which kills her) over for a BBque another, mom tonight, jus tletting her know, moving on down the road.

Redhat, saw the Indian bike, beuuuutiful,,, went on the ride to DC on memorial day weekend, almost 2 thousand miles on the bike in 4 days, talk about clearing the head out, but it did convince me,,,next bike is gonna be a bagger, radio and all the goodies, have a dyna wide glide, nice ride for about 4-5 hundred miles, but there are only a limitied number of positions you can get on the bike, and when the body is older,,, it tends to cramp up a bit,,, do get the bike, nothing like being on the open road at 80, wind in the face and nothing on you mind but enjoying the ride.

suprise, I go to see a new therapist this morning, was completely honest of all that was done and said,,, based on the principles I have followed, I was asked, why are you here and what can therapy do for you. Seems like you have a solid game plan and know what to expect and what to do.

I advised her of advising the ten year old son after wife gave her diluted version as to why there were problems in the marriage, therapists response, he is young, but he is aware of the arguements in the home and has a right to know what is going on from BOTH sides, supposedly, the wife's therapist said I was just cruel and no one would ever suggest telling a ten year old what happended.

I advised her of the readings here and other sites, she advised to keep reading, seems like it is the proper way to handle things at this point, that I seem to know exactly what to expect from the wife and how to react to her.

My thoughts are, with out the readings here, I was left to wing it on emotions, point here is, I've been told by the W that I was crazy reading pschobabble on the internet and that it would not get me anywhere, guess like every thing else, she is full if sh** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The Indian bike are very beautiful and much more affodable ... I will get it as my birthday present this year. For long distant cruiser, I have my eyes on GoldWing.

It is no surprise that your IC pretty much leave you alone ... I agree for you to tell your own version to son. Not to hurt him or to paint WW as a bad person but to inform him the fact and explain what your plan B is about.

My only suggestion to you about contact is you have to make sure to repeat " .... I do this to protect me from getting hurt. I can't take the current situation." like a broken record to her when she takes it wrong about your NC and before you hang up.

-rh-

rookie,

I don't know about her being full of sh*t, but she just isn't full of the right stuff. Some people, like our wives, have a hard time accepting things that they read or hear from others. With my wife I think she figures, "why would they want to help me? Their advice can't be any good." That is the pessimist in her, and it sucks! Take that, coupled with the fact that she just hates to read, and it is nearly impossible to get her to come here. She would come up with a thousand excuses why she didn't have time, or something like that. So it is our tasking to be persistent and teach them everything we are learning here. JMHO.

r0uter

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by r0uter:
<strong>..... teach them everything we are learning here. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are absolutly right except the above trailer. It is futile for BS to "teach" WS in A situation ... They are soo paranoid that everything that you say is "going" to hurt them. WS in this state "trust no one" ... not even OP. It is sad but that is the fact.

The only thing we could do is to "help" creating the reality into their A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The more reality they are facing the more strained in A. Until the fog is lifted, MB is just another pychobable website to them. My ExW called SH a ripoff conselor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and his website is for gosipping bulettin board.

-rh-

A friend of mine just stopped by.

His W is a close friend of my W's mother, the MIL is saying the problems in our marriage are that I am too controling and dont let her go any where,
I AM FUMING BOUT NOW, she came and went as she pleased.

The MIL was informed by this woman that my W has a boyfriend, MIL states it is just a working relationship and they are just friends,,,,,,I could call her now and set her straight, but I'm too mad at the moment. MIL was also informed that all at work knows about the A, talk about denial.

The W is lying and I'm being accused again, anything to justify her moving out and taking the son away. Cnt believe thisBS.

rookie ... Leave MIL alone. Unless you are asked directly, you are damaging the grandma of your kids. Let MIL says anything they want ... they will feel as an [censored] when the truth cames out. Just a month ago, my FIL complainted that the SS that ordered by the court wasn't enough and I should give her more ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , she is taking me to the cleaner and destroyed my plan to retire at 50 yrs old !. You know, he is the only grandpa of my 2 D, my dad passed away years ago. I told him, I understand that it is not sufficient but I have to sell the house and more to give her what she wants ... currently I make less than what she is asking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . FIL wants me to finance her D's A with OM !!!. The same OM that smacked her D face 2x within 1 years. I am staying away from FIL, he is welcome as my 2 D's grandpa but the R stop right there.

-rh-

I've calmed downd a bit,, but there is still anguish there over the in-waws.

My D is married, if she came to me stating there was a problem in her marriage, I would listen, my NEXT step, out of respect for my SIL, and for my own knowledge, would be to speak with HIM. Before I would give my daughter any advice on her situation, I would WANT to know both sides of the story.

I was not given that respect, even after the MIL closest friend advised her that the W was having a A.

For her to be telling people I know, that I was the reason for the break up of the marriage compounds the problem for me.

As a parent I feel they should have taken the responsibilty to KNOW what they are talking about BEFORE giving any advise. Yes, they are her parents (the FIL I have no respect for at all) but
they should not have rushed their judgement.

My MIL has informed my W, that (based on the info the W has told her) there is no way she can return to me.

I have done alot for both of these people, even though I dont hold her father in high regard, I was ALWAYS there when they needed anything and to be judged by them like this,, I cant even explain how it makes me feel.

If by any remote chance the W and I did get back together, I would have a very difficult time not chewing on them about this....VENT POST

Only on liner response <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .... blood is thicker than mud or water.

You feel betrayed by your MIL and that is understandable considering that the least she could have done was to keep her mouth shut and give the impression of being an impartial observer. She doesn't realize that by giving her approval to her daughter's A and shameful behavior, she is harming her daughters best interests for the odds are extremely slim that her daughter and the OM relationship will bloom into something more permanent like marriage. The OM will dump her after he's had his fun with her and she will probably be devastated considering all she gave up for him. Maybe then your MIL will open her eyes as to the damage that her support for her daughters A has brought to her child's life.