Well, a little more, was pretty tired last night.

When I spoke with BOTH MIL and FIL last night I told them that by taking their daughter into their home, buying her furniture for her apartment they were enabling her affair. Both were defensive, but I did not let them disregard what I was saying, nor did I let them take control of the conversation as they usually do. All was done respectfully, but I was not going to back down.

MIL had all the pat answers the W had given them, but dealing with the W so long into this, I knew exactly how to answer.

I explained that the W was calling the OP on the phone infornt of our 10 YOA son and asked what kind of example she was setting by doing so, when they did not answer I told them she was letting the boy know it was OK, to lie, cheat and compromise your morals for self serving purposes,

They did not know the OP was on vacation last week and the W and him were on the phone 5-6 times a day for the entire week, I then asked both of them if they knew how often the W called her own son when he was away for the week, I then told them ONCE, so who is she placing a priority on at this time. They had no answer.

MIL, who had breast cancer same time I was diagnosed with same. I asked her how she would have felt if her H had a affair 3 months after she had her breast removed, as my W started her's 3 mos. after my surgery that left me impotent for the time being, again no answer.

They then stated I should just let her go, I said that would be easy, if I didnt love her and if I didnt know she was making a mistake. Their response, as my W's always was is that I would never get over the A. I informed them that I was never given a chance to get over the A as it is a ongoing sitch that slaps me in the face daily, given time and distance from the A I could forgive, but no, honestly never forget.

My marriage, I honestly feel is over, the house IS going for sale this Monday and once that is done so am I. Everyone says that once your LB'd out you can say you tried, I'm there, I can honestly say if she walked through the door and said she wanted to try and her actions backed up her words, I would give it a try, but I'm beginning to realize that I dont even LIKE the person she is now let alone love her.

I'm extremely upset that my son is going to be exposed to such people as the W and the OP, but fortunaltey in this tate you can get a restraining order where a member of the opposite sex cannot sleep over when a child is present.

I can say I am glad I contacted her work place and advised the boss as to what is going on, let her be humiliated for a change and have to answer for her actions, I did not inform him of anything that was not the truth, when confronted with the truth about the A she has a tendency to freak, cry and deny, not going to happen this time.

Sorry for rambling, venting, time to find myself a life again, this has been 8 months of absolute hell.

Hi Rookie,

I'm sooo sad for you!!! I know how tired you are. It's drains everything right out of you. What do you think about a plan B attempt again? Or even a 180?
Did you say she called the OM 5-6 times a day on the phone while you and your son were on vacation? Do what you feel is right for you and your son now.

Ladysheep

Hi Lady, No she did not call OP while son and I were gone, she called him 5-6 times a day when HE, the OP was on vacation.

There is no problem with plan b right now, because I have no intention of talking to her at all. Like I said earlier, I'm lb'd out, there is still some love for her, as she was before the A, but I dont even like her the way she is now. The only thing at this point that would make me consider calling her, which I wont, is the memory of how she was.

The bit with her not calling our son while we were on vacation except for the one time was the iceing on the cake, if she cant care more for her son than the OP, that is one very sad statement.

I know it is a addiction, but I'm not playing that game anymore, right now I dont feel she is worth the anguish she has brought on this family, and the OP's.

Her A has been played out exactly as this site described it would, when her world finally does crash, the only way I would even consider taking her back is if she called saying she has the counseling sessions lined up, that she quit her job and she wants to move out of the area, and even then I'd have to think about it.

It's pretty bad, the last time I saw her, I could only look at her with disgust.

When I recieved the cell pone records, the very day she was telling me she loved me and I had no reason to doubt her, she called the OP. How low can these people go and expect others to follow.
NO MORE.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>...Her A has been played out exactly as this site described it would, when her world finally does crash, the only way I would even consider taking her back is if she called saying she has the counseling sessions lined up, that she quit her job and she wants to move out of the area, and even then I'd have to think about it.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you palyed exactly this site described <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> you stay a bit too long in your plan A ... now you have even a second thought about taking her back even she is willing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Plan B and lists your ammends for later.

Anyway did you catch any fish ? how about your S ?.

-rh-

red, did'nt spend as much time o the water as I usually do, but, did get a couple walleye, no size though.

Fished the Chippewa flowage for first time, huge body of water I never fished before.

The son and I had a couple long talks, he is putting on a good face, but he is having problems dealing with everything.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>The son and I had a couple long talks, he is putting on a good face, but he is having problems dealing with everything.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would get IC to help him too. I have conselor for my 2 D and they could see them anytime they want it. I don't want to make mistake dealing with this mess.

-rh-

Hi Rookie,

At this point I don't blame you for starting a plan B. It does sound like all love is going for her. What does she expect? I don't think
it's too late to start the plan B again. We are not perfect when trying in such a grief striken manner anyway, these MB principles. We just get up and try again. Sometimes not really knowing
if we have any strength left emotionally to do it again.

I don't know if this is good advice, but try not to bring up the A again. You have exposed it to all as you should have, confronted her and said all you have to say about it and how you feel. We sometimes wish through all of this it would stop because the pain is unbearable, but sometimes it still doesn't stop, but you gave it a good go. I know this is hard to say, but leave what energy and love you have left to you and your son.

Hopefully later, Rookie, your wife will wake up,
come out of the fog, and be the woman she was
before this craziness happened. It's not guaranteed, but I hope so.

You did the right thing confronting the parents, don't second guess, it gives them a lot to think about.
It doesn't help when parents are enabling.

Ladysheep

Lady, thank you for the kind words.

Yes, I do believe the parents have something to think about, all they have heard was her side of the story, something I am thinking of forewarding to Ripley's believe it or not.

She has completely rewritten our marital history and claims things that I have never seen or heard of before, but, she has to justify her affair. Alot of her family already know what BS she is spouting and I have recieved some very encouraging words of support from them.

I fully expect to be served with divorce papers either this week or next.

My son is who my heart goes out to, she created a hell that he has to live in. But, I am going to go for joint custody, I do want her to have him as much as possible, she ALWAYS relied on me for EVERYTHING, I want to see how she is going to handle it on her own, no more night classes, fingernail appointments or dinners with her friends at night if she has to take care of her son for a change, add in making dinner, household chores, she is in for a rude awakening. I DID IT ALL.

I am going to have to still see her on occasion, due to my son, but contact with her will not be rude, but distant, I have nothing I wish to discuss with her.

I am still very much in pain over this whole issue, but now I keep asking myself how I could have involved myself with someone of such low standards, I simply look at her and the words slut/whore comes to mind.

Rookie,

It's a relief to see someone else with the same thoughts as myself. I don't feel as strongly with the slut stuff, but I certainly wonder how I could have fallen for someone so weak - I remember shortly after getting married saying part of the attraction had been her strength. How wrong could I have been! She just shows all the signs of someone who runs from things instead of facing up to them. In the 7.5 years we've been together, she's made and lost 3 close friends through small disagreements. I really now feel that she's too weak and lacking in principals for me to want her back.

Adam, please dont get me wrong, I still love my wife, the one prior to her A, she ws a loving concerned caring person who went out of her way for people and our marriage.

The woman she became at the start of the A was a manupulative lying cheat, one who could look you in the face with no emotion and lie her [censored] off.

The addiction did that to her, if I could get my W back the way she was, I would truly love her again, but as it stands now, I cnt stand to her her voice as I know she is blaming everything wrong in our marriage on me and that her relationship with the OP has nothing to do with anything, she is living in a fantasy worl that is going to destroy a family and a ten year old boy. I actually cant stand to look at her as she put her own feelings before her sons and I cannot imagine anyone getting lower than that, especially when she it telling me what a good mother is.she has no idea.

Something is going on in her little mind this moring, she has e-mailed me about 4 times, nothing good.

She wants to know about putting the house of for sale and is baiting me for a arguement, I have responded to her, no in a kind light, I just dont care anymore enought to say nothing, I let her know I felst she was a liar a cheat and a person of low moral standing. That she placed her OP before that of her son and family and that they have destroyed tow marriage, two children and two other spouses for their own selfish selfcentered motives.

Rookie,
Man! I wish you had better news. I had high hopes that going away for the week would jar her awake, at least a little.
I wish I could convince you to hang in there, I know that you feel like you are at the end of your rope, but tie a knot in it and hang on!!
Maybe backing off and moving on will turn on the fog lights. I wouldn't be surprised to see her change her tune when she drives by and sees the house on the market! It's amazing what a for sale sign can do.
Too bad you didn't have better luck on the lake. But, as I always say: "A bad day fishing, beats a good day at work!" And I am sure you had fun just spending time with your son.

Maybe the prayers just take more time... I put in many requests for your recovery with the man upstairs!

Take Care,

r0uter

rOuter, thanks, she is very much aware the house if going up for sale as she also is sgining the paperwork for such.

Yep, at the end of my rope, I am very agrivated at the whole situation now and am tired of being the only one that tried, feel like a doormat and am no longer going to take it from her. I know it is against all principles, but I am going to call a spade a spade, let her deal with it. I'm too worn out to put up with any more of her crap......

rookie,
what's a house after all? it's nothing but a thing...a place, a piece of property. it begins and ends nothing.

after reading your story, i'm more concerend about your state of mind...and of course your children...they're the innocent victims in all of this crazyness.

as for your W...she sounds so bitter and angry. i think that both of you might benefit from some time away from each other. i particularly think that you would.

it seems to me that the reality of the situation is just not getting through to her and that's to bad...but here's the thing...you can't have a healthy relationship with out two healthy partners. and i get the feeling that right now, your wife has become toxic to you.

sure you could go on trying but your current efforts don't seem to be meaningful to her. maybe seperation with out any predjudice on your part is what's called for. what i mean is, maybe you should just let her have her way! let her go and be who she wants with who she wants! and you? you should start having a life of your own.

begin enjoying who and what you are. and guess what? at some point in the future, i would bet that she will be plan Aing you!

coach

Coach, you are most correct in the statement that she is toxic to me, the thought of her makes me sick. What she did to OP's family and this family is beyond cruel and simply self serving.

She just called and I really didnt handle it well, simply told her the way she was and the way were were was love in a true form, not a fantasy world as she is currently in. That the OP is toxic to her inthat she was able to put him before her own son, family and everything else that matters in life.

Her response, I will never come back to you, you are too angry, I am, I have to distance myself from her and the OP's insanity, I know where their relationship is going to lead, and I dont think I want to pick up the pieces afterwards.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by coach3530:
<strong> what i mean is, maybe you should just let her have her way! let her go and be who she wants with who she wants! and you? you should start having a life of your own.

begin enjoying who and what you are. and guess what? at some point in the future, i would bet that she will be plan Aing you!

coach</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is great advice Coach. I have been following this thread for sometime now from Rookie and AdamH WS's. Everything they wrote about their WS is true for me also. The same low self esteem, the same lies, the same the selfishness, the same moral and ethical weakness, the same lack of responsibility.

I want my W back also, but not like this. I have been so in love, that I allowed my self esteem to go down the tubes with hers. It is time for me to take care of myself and my daughter. God will have to change my W's heart. I cannot, but I pray for her anyway, whether she comes back or not. She is still my daughter's mother and I still love her.

Well, the house is NOW listed for sale. She wanted to have a open house for the realators on Tues, well, since I've been painting getting it ready, the house right now is no where in shape to be shown till I get a chance to clean it.

I advised her of such, her response is she would do it Sunday if I was not around as she feels threatened. I asked what she meant, she stated she felt physically threatened,,, this gets better by the moment, I blew, and told her she was full of sh*t, I've never laid a hand on her and never would. How much BS can these people come up with, it simply amazes me....

Hi Rookie,

Yep, I don't blame you!!! That was a terrible
accusation, and very untrue. Now she's trying
to make you look like the abusive husband, to
justify her affair. I guess she couldn't
come up with anything bad enough, huh?
Don't let it get to you, but I wouldn't give
her the time of day right now.

I don't know if this sounds like a good idea,
but could you get some friends to come and
clean the house? I don't know, but I wouldn't
ask her for anything at this point. N/C, except
for discussing child's issues.

Can you sell the house without any discussions
with her? If you do have to talk w/ her at any
time, I would advise you to have a friend w/ you every time you speak to her in person. Just because of the accusation she has made. She's
playing very mean now. And you need a witness, at all times with you, just so she can't make accusations again. Do you know what I mean? If anything, it will embarrass her. And if she asks why you always have someone w/ you when talking to her, let her know you have done this because of the untrue accusation she has made against you. No more emails, possibly phone calls with her recorded? What do ya think?

Ladysheep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>... I blew ....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">as expected ... you should put NC and go into plan B. Even now it is not too late. You would waste you plan A ... now have nothing too loose to try plan B. Actually you gain by not getting hurt.

Arguing or try to talk sense to WS is futile. WS's script calls for "justification" of their A otherwise they have to admit that they are doing something very selfish. The outrageous claims are the indication that they feel guilty and not happy with their choice and they try to get you agree with their choice !.

-rh-

Morning Lady/redhat,

Yep, good idea bout having someone around whenever she is. If someone is not available to be here if she is, I will simply make sure that it is in the driveway infront of the house.

Nope, wont tape the phone calls, because what I have been doing is hanging up on her, I do pick up the phone as it could be my son calling, I let her start to say whatever it is she is going to, and I simply hangup, there have been a time or two I made comments about her standards, but at this point I dont care what she thinks.

I have a appointment with my attorney on Sat., I am not going to file, going to let her, but I do have to drag the divorce out for awhile as I am covered under her health insurance at work and once the D is finalized I wont have it. Being that I had cancer las tyear, no one will cover me for at least 5 years of being cancer free.

It's been a extremely rough couple of years, I sure hope in God's plan there is some happiness for me.