Okay, so David chose to go to the church party... and I LB a little bit (like a little bit pregnant, huh? ) but I caught myself and managed to turn this thing around a bit. <P>He's coming over afterward, spending the night, and will be here for the Rose Parade and Football tomorrow. He has plans which will keep him away for several days at a time over the course of the next several weeks, and I'm not happy about that either, but I'll try to make the in-between times sweet. <P>Happy New Year to all... I plan to spend it with two of my three children watching silly movies, popping corn, drinking cocoa (Mom's <B>will</B> be spiked ) and throwing out the old year - <B>AND GOOD RIDDANCE TO IT!</B>.<P>Love and Hugs to all...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

HAPPY NEW YEAR NB!!!!<P>I hope that 2000 brings all of us some peace and happiness - oh, how welcomed that will be!!!! <P>Enjoy your evening (sounds fun!!) and you and David have a wonderful first day of the new century!!!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Glad to hear he will be coming over! You did good!<P>Don't think so far into the future right now - just take things day by day.<P>Remember that song?<P>"Day by day ... day by day<BR>Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray:<BR>To see Thee more clearly<BR>Love Thee more dearly<BR>Follow Thee more nearly<BR>Day by day ..."<P>One day at a time ...<BR>There's a song for that, too:<P>"One day at a time, Sweet Jesus<BR>That's all I'm asking from you..."<P>I could go on, but I might get arrested for copyright infringement here... And you get the point, right, nb? <P><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Sheryl, <P>Hang in there, I wish I could give you my optomism. Try to stay focused, and enjoy the time you will have w/H.<P>What do you spike cacoa with?<BR>Kaluha, Bailey,s, or whiskey...lol<P>Next year will be better.<P>I hope you have a Happy New Year.<P>Mine is going to be tough, it's Robin and I's 8th anniversary of sorts. This has been a special night for me and this year she won't be with me. I know I'll survive and I will make the best of it. It's just going to be plain hard.<P>I'll say a prayer for you.<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

nb,<P>thanks for some of your feedback the other night in the chat room, that was fun and you know how us men like instant gratification (to questions) <P>I agree with you lets get 1999 the HECK out of here. The worst year of my life!! Glad to hear you are still attempting recovery with your H. Hang in there... I would kill for the chance at recovery, I have so much pent up marital skills just dying to be used on a wife (preferably my present one). Have a great NEW YEAR eve nite and NEW YEAR day.<P>

Happy New Year.... good friend... <P>Jim

Thanks <B>Sheba, Terri, Bill, Izzy</B> and <B>Jim</B>,<P>and the cocoa will be spiked with Bailey's Irish Cream...uuuummmmmm....yummy, but I promise not to get drunk! That isn't the idea...or maybe just a little bit tipsy... yeah, that's what I'll do... just enough to feel a tiny bit giddy when David arrives...<P><B>Bill</B>, We're both gonna be okay... you know that! One way or another, time keeps on, and time is a great healer. Plus, as a Christian man with morals and a good heart, you will survive and if need be, find someone who will love you dearly - I hope it is your W!!<P>And you know what, guys??? I'm <B>going to make it too!! </B>. I have never felt this confident about it before... I got this cool book and the first line of the book said - <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> This is your new beginning<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is <B>our</B> new beginning!! <P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited December 31, 1999).]

I'll drink to that, Sheryl...... er uhh,,,, <P>or <P>Amen!!!!

Happy New Year!! and congratulations!!!<P>(by the way, what is the name of your new cool book?)

On the positive side, I can't think of a better place for him to be...with a group of people who are supportive to a marriage in Christ. Better than wonderning about him at a bar, getting drunk.

Sheryl,<P>How is it going today???????<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Sheryl, I hope everything went well for you. You deserve to have a Happy New Year! My thoughts are with you...

It was pretty bad, kids!! He called me at 11:55 (and 54 seconds; I know because I was watching the ball get ready to drop while holding the entire bottle of champagne and swigging it - I was pretty upset by that time )so... he calls and says he's 25 minutes away and will try to hurry... I told him not to bother. If he couldn't manage to pull himself away in enough time to ring in the new year to just skip it.<P>He called me at 4:30 am and said he couldn't sleep, he felt bad about how he'd put the church people first... I hung up on him. I sat there bawling, and it occured to me that if anything was ever to be resolved that we needed to find a way to communicate, so I called back and told him he could come over. He did. I cried and cried, he apologized, said he was confused (his mantra) and we went to sleep at 6:30 am. Got about four hours sleep. He's still "confused" because we went to the mall today and I held his hand...what does that mean, he wonders? Look, I'm trying... I'm tired... and I'm working...but most of all I'm getting pretty confused myself lately. <P>As a side note to Kate... yes the church people would be better than a bar, if not for the fact that there are <B>TWO</B> single women who have gotten his attention over the last several weeks... and one of them was there last night. He was with her, and the rest of them, not me...<P>And if K checks in... yes, there was hell to pay.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Sheryl</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>Sorry about the night...<P>I'm glad he held your hand today... <BR>What I would give to have held my wife's hand today when she picked up the kids... <P>Instead, when I checked my e-mail (before she came) she e-mailed me a simple yet "discreet" <B>never</B>... to my New Years Eve message of having a having a "safe" place to come to... and best wishes for New Year.<P>Give a little more...let David see <B>you</B> are the better choice... Maybe he's having a hard time seeing that because "he's too close" (whatever that means)...<BR>I can see you're the better choice... and I'm far away!<P>Cheer up... there are loads of people you love you even more this year than last! <P>Jim

Ah Jim,<P>Thanks for the pep talk , and I'm so sorry about the "n" word being used by your W . I wonder if she means it? <P>This "working" at the marriage thing is so hard... and as I've said a zillion times... we are the stronger ones...<P>Just now David said he feels like he's having a nervous breakdown... yeah, I know how that feels, but I <B>pulled myself out of it</B> because who would take care of the kids if I was in a mental hospital. I say that with all sincerity, and without any malice toward David feeling that way. I feel for him, and how well I understand! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Sheryl,<P>Many positive prayers coming your way!!!<P>Don't give up.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Sheryl,<P>Well I see myself all over your posts on this thread...it is your EXPECTATIONS that are shooting you in the foot here. I should know - ya'll need to start believing me - I really have made all the mistakes and continue to do so.<P>When you have expectations (and I still have them all the time although I try not to) you aren't really doing NOTHING. You are doing something - waiting for David to act a certain way or to do a certain thing or to say some certain words....STOP!!!! Please try to catch yourself and truly STOP anticipating and expecting.<P>It is YOU sabotaging YOURSELF! I do it to myself, too. At least now I can recognize myself and catch myself a good deal of the time, but not always.<P>You and David need to really try to do nothing and it hasn't started happening yet. That is a major part of why you both feel nervous breakdowny.<P>See yourself and tell David this too...and do your best to REALLY DO NOTHING for awhile!!!!!!<P>Still praying, and I am on a first name basis with God. I am sure He must say..Oh, No, its HER again!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited January 01, 2000).]

Sheryl<P>Well, there was a lot of good in what happened last night/this morning. David realized he was wrong and he TOLD you that. That, in my experience, is a bona fide miracle! No, he didn't realize it was wrong BEFORE it happened, and that's what hurts about this whole deal, but he did what he could once he realized it.<P>And you realized that you were the one that needed to be strong and do the communicating, and you called him back. Now, of course, it would have been better had YOU realized that not communicating well was wrong before it happened ... but you did what you could once you realized it.<P>Wow ... these stories sound a lot alike huh?<BR> <P>Sheryl, I would be VERY concerned about David saying he feels as if he's having a nervous breakdown. A nervous breakdown is a major depressive episode and is nothing to ignore. Is there ANYONE who can convince him to see a doctor? My GP prescribed my anti-deps, and I believe that they may have saved my life - they sure made it easier to deal with what was going on in it! I truly believe that, if David would get on meds, he would feel so much better about life and about himself that it would be easy for him to see that you are the most important person in his life.<P>{{{{{{{{{{Sheryl}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Bill, <P>Thanks for the prayers, I'll take them!! <P>Desiree,<P>It gets confusing when you say I still need to be still and TNT tells me to get off my a** and begin working, ya know that? <P>My expectation was because he said he'd be home at 10:00... I don't know what to make of that, exactly... but you're right... I have expectations all over the place.<P>Thanks for the continued prayers! <P>Hi terri,<P>Yes, there was good, but not before the bad about killed my spirit. I agree that David needs help, but he won't get it. It's that simple. And I am often reminded of a couple I knew of through my sister...<P>They were getting a divorce, and the H kept threatening suicide, calling his stbx over and over and leaving messages on her machine about offing himself. One night, about six months in, she did not call him back when he left another of the suicide messages. Well, you know what happened... he killed himself, which naturally caused her guilt that took counseling to survive. <P>I feel like that woman. I can't <B>not</B> take care of him when there's nobody else, and he's talking about going away by himself to "think", and in fact has a trip to his parents (6 hrs. away) planned next week. He has to drive through the Sierra's and it will be snowy and he'll need chains. I'm suppose to just let him go, let him "own" his feelings and his poor choices... but I'm afraid for him. On the other hand, I'm so tired, and I'm confused at the same time. I have been so hurt, and whether it's because of my expectations or not doesn't take away the pain. Yes, he's weak and I'm kinda sorta strong, but not as strong as everyone seems to think.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Sheryl, it's just soooo frustrating for us to see how close you two are and watch you struggle so. Some days, the forum is the thing that makes me want to cry (not that I don't ever cry about my own situation), because I see people in places I wish I could be, but still struggling...<P>Just goes to show that everyone's problems are equally serious - just because someone seems to be in a better place, doesn't mean they really are...<P>Gads! I am getting toooooooo soppy and sentimental. I need to go to bed - it's nearly 3 am on the east coast USA.<P>hugs and prayers to you both, Sheryl and David. Please keep trying. Somebody has to get it right ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>