Coach, being alone for the last month plus has given me time to think about her and how our marriage was.

Prior to the A, she was a good W, after the start of the A, I was like something that would get scraped off the bottom of her shoe.

Right now if she was to walk through the door and said she wanted to work things out, which is next to impossible, I really would have to say I love her, but I have my doubts about reliving the last 8 months.

My son was telling me today that everything is not all roses at the in-laws.

FIL is very upset about what is going on and has been having words with the MIL, he was in tears as he drove my son here today. Maybe it just dawned on him that they are aiding in the A by taking their daughter in.

Son also added that mom said that she broke up with the the OP, time will tell.

Me, Just took the son and the dog for a long, long walk today, took hom to football and was happey to just think things out for a change with no pressure.

Your FIL may be appreciating how his D's selfishness has affected his grandson's life.

As far as your WW ending her affair with the OM, I would not give too much credence until there is positive proof that this is the case.

Reality bites, doesn't it?

TMCM, yep, seems like everyone involved in this thing has been affected, all but her. I think some day quite soon her world is going to come crashing down. I hope it hurts like hell.

If it hurts like hell , then she will certainly come to u

I just dont know why these married women come crashing at the OMs feet,former scum bags (former OM)like me ???????

Just received the divorce papers in the mail, according to them she HAS made attempts at reconcilliation, wish she would have let me know when that was.

Made accusations of mental abuse, guess asking her to stop screwing around with another man is abuse.

Damn, I so pissed right now I cant think straight.

Venting

Well, dang it rookie, how could you be so mean? Look back to when you planned your wedding together. Did you write out your own vows, to make them personal? Put in special prayers, promises, psalms?

And in your vows, how was the subject of extra marital affairs dealt with? Were you to be tolerant and accepting of each other's "special friends?" You weren't?

WHAT? You promised to love each other and forsake all others? How narrowminded, medieval and mentally cruel. No WONDER she sees you as not being willing to reconcile. You brute.

(Forgive the sarcasm.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Oh no rookie, feel sad for you. Don't sign them papers. They are false reasons for the divorce!

Take it to your lawyer and see what he thinks and advises! Your lawyer might contact hers.

I would be p'd too!!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

rookie ... the only choice you have now is either drag it or let it proceed. It is your personal choice. If you want Dv to proceed b/c of you are mad ... it is your own making to stay in plan A too long, it is not a good reason. Cool off and see it in financial and legal ramification w/o considering reconsiliation or not with her. Then to your lawyer about her papers.

Bellevue, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Does WW think about the marriage vow when she pull her panty down ?.

-rh-

I really dont know which way I am going to approach this whole thing at the moment. I am going to talk to my attorney again very soon as I have to get him the paperwork I recieved.

She did call, I asked her what she wanted, she states she doesnt want this to be nasty, I asked her why she put in the paperwork what she did, her repsonse, was it is just a matter of the PROCESS, with that I felt like I was going to explode, I simply hung up... if she were a guy, I'd kick her [censored] right now, but,,,,, I know she isnt worth it or the OP

Rookie,

I know you're extremely angry right now, and I don't blame you. She has betrayed you every way possible. I think that was a pretty nasty thing she put on them divorce papers. And she doesn't want things to be nasty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

In all the anger rookie, pray a lot, and I'll be praying too.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

rookie,

Now it is legal matter and let the proffesional handel it. You are in plan B or supposely so ... You should not entertain her. Just look at the caller id and let the vm pick it up.

-rh-

I agree redhat!!

Rookie: I too recieved the Marriage Dissolution Questionnaire from my wife that the lawyer sent her. Pretty basic just lots of questions. She wants my opinion on it and to fill in my part of it. Not sure what I want to do about it. Need to talk to a lawyer about it. Looking like a divorce will be forced down my throat whether I am for it or not. I am standing for my marriage and will ignore it as long as is possible. I went through the questionnaire at legalmatch.com and said I was looking for a christian lawyer in my area that was for saving marriages and not the almighty quick buck (didn't mention the buck part though). I hope to find out more in the next few days. Going to be a long night of prayers tonight and the other forum (familylife.com) is down today. So what else could go wrong.

Lord please soften the hearts of rookie's wife and my wife and renew their spirits so they can see and can realize that what they are doing is wrong and come to you for help. Please lord, time is running out for both of us and we are in need of a miracle from you. Please help heal rookie and myself and give us strength and guidance through these troubling times that the evil one is throwing our way. Thank you lord.
Amen

redhat, lady tim, thanks guys, it's people like you all that keep ones sanity in place at times like this.

Yep,lady that was about as low as she could get putting in the mental abuse part, but she forgot one thing, that she is going to have to state what the abuse was about, and that is when I get my chance to explain that she had a affair 3 mos after cancer surgery had a affair ongoing for 8 mos., all the time saying she loved me, made love to me (cept for the last two months) and then call her boyfriend. Yep, I will plead absolutley guilty if they say asking her to quit her affair is mental abuse.

red, yep to you also, She called today saying she wanted the divorce to be amicable, told her to tell her attorney and hung up.

Tim, I think that prayer was very good and thank you, I do pray often, by simply speaking to the lord in my own way.

My prayer is also as follows, Lord give her the compassion to understand what damage she has done to her children, parents, her family and mine. The lives she is destroying and the example she is setting for our ten year old, please let him ignore her ignorance and lack of compassion for others.

Let him understand I did all I could to save our marriage while she did nothing but carry on with her boyfriend without concern for him.

Let her understand that not everyone is acceptable of a adultress with no morals or character.

Let her boyfriend cheat on her and teach her the meaning of pain and the meaning of a broken heart.

and Lord, let the zipper on her pants get stuck so she can keep em up for a change.

She stated in the divorce papers that she attempted reconciliation, when she called a second time I couldnt help but ask her if it was the day she called him one time or was it the day she called him ten times, and hung up on her again. At this point I am not concerned about her feelings at all.

I still miss and love the woman I married, the one she is now I dont recognize, respect or love at all.

I have taken the stance when she calls to only talk about our son and nothing else, when her tone gets to be disrespectful I am simply telling her I am no longer a issue for her to treat like crap, save that for your boyfriend and hang up on her.

I know it sounds juvenile, but I feel much better not letting her treat me in a disrepectful and humiliating manner.

Hi Rookie,

I know it sounds juvenile, but I fell much better not letting her treat me in a disrespectful + humiliating manner.
That's good rookie, your getting stronger.
Keep those boundaries up!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

I know this sounds stupid, but with her filing for the divorce, I've pretty much given up hope.

Is it OK for me to start dating. I have been approached, but also have been hesitant.

Again I know how I feel about my wife the way she USED to be, there is no sign that she is coming out of the fog.

Why would I wait at this point to start enjoying life and companionship again, even a casual date.

rookie,

To quote Yogi, "it ain't over until it is over." Do you believe marriage is serious stuff and should be honored? If so, then you already know the answer; you are married so you cannot date.

You never know how life will turn out,but what I do know is that if you do the right things for the right reasons, you never get caught by surprise events. You will sleep better at night knowing you have respected yourself and what you value, until what you value isn't there.

I understand your interest in dating, and your feelings of wanting to give up. It is very likely true that it will end, but rookie, you never know what life has in store for you. You will want to look you child in the eye and be able to explain to him/her what marriage is really supposed to mean.

So I suggest you not do that, for yourself and for what you do value. Just my thought. It sort of like an honest person is honest when no one is watching. Well, you surely have no one watching (ie your W), BUT...

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

The problem with dating when you are still married is that while it may be great for the ol' ego, there is the danger of letting it go further and establishing a very serious and committed relationship with another woman. Not only that but because you said "I still miss and love the woman I married" there is still the possibility that your WW may come out of the fog and become once more the woman you married, and if you are involved in a serious relationship with another woman, it will be like the roles having been reversed where you are now going to be the WH and your W the BW, and the madness will repeat itself once more. So be forewarned about the dangers of 'dating' while still being married.