Thank you rookie for your kind words, and I just may take you up on your offer if I find myself visiting the windy city in the near future.

TMCM, would be my pleasure, if my e-mail address is not posted in my profile, I will get it to you so you can let me know when you are in town.

Yesterday I had a message on my voice mail from the W.

I packed bags of groceries that she left behind that were of her taste and left them in the garage. I also advised the son to let her know to pick up her dietary, frozen foods that she had left.

The W stated that she was in the neighborhood last night and was going to stop by to pick said items up, but I was not home she will do it another time.

Funny, she will not now come by when I am not home when last month she would not come here when I was. She stated that she feared for her saftey when I was here, therefore she would not enter the residence if I was in,at that time, geeezzzz

I did not call her back and will not.

TMCM, again, how correct can you be??? polish up that crystal ball my friend.

Seems the indifferance and her inability to engage me in a arguement is getting to her.

I did send the OP a e-mail in regards to the statement he made to his 8 year old concerning his mother and I dating.

I simply advised him that if he has the balls to tell a 8 year old lies, please come and tell me to my face, otherwise the the f**k up. I also advised him that in no way, shape or form were his W and I dating.

I also let him know that everytime I think him and the W could not get any lower, they prove otherwise.

TMCM, I re- read one of your posts to me earlier.

In that post you stated that my email to the OP about me doing the wild thing behind his back with his stbxw fired him up.

Just a correction, the email concened MY stbxw and us doing the wild thang, just wanted to correct that impression, as I have maintained the stance of leaving his W alone emotionally.

I just recieved a email from my W, she stated that she will be picking our son up from football early to sign him up for band and invited me to come along.

I responed that for my own protection against any further false claims by her I will not be in the same location as she..

I also stated she should let me know when her A ends, otherwise............ and left it at that.

Rookie I'm glad that you corrected my misinterpretation of your e-mail to the OM, but I would still advise you to not contact him via e-mail because the OM could edit your messages with anything he wants to make you look bad to his son, and your W.

You did well in responding to your W's invitation the way you did because there have been so many lies told about you by her and the OM that any encounter with her could be, once again, twisted against you. Besides you are in Plan B and no longer a part of her love triangle.

Today I advised my son that the OP's W and I were NOT dating as he was told by his mom. I explained the both of us are in the same situation and we simply discuss matters which concern this sitch.

As TMCM suggested, I advised my son that he was more than welcome to come with me when I meet with the OP's W the next time so he can see what type of relationship it is, and as TMCM stated, he did not want to meet her and discussed it no further. Damnnn, that man, the coffe man is good.

The daily log of my life....

Today she calls twice, wont answer the phone when her number is on the caller ID.

She emailed 4 times for various reasons.

The no contact is getting her. I saw her last night when she picked up the son from football. It was not a face of happiness in the least, she wears her feelings on her sleeve and she looked completely miserable.

She does still attempt to engage me in a arguement or gives me a shot to make me feel bad.

Today she ended one of her e-mails, this will all end when you sign....(meaning the divorce papers.

To that I simply responded, You mean, if I sign your affair with Jon will end???? he-he.

uh oh, just what she wanted a response out of you. Any response. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I see that you have pretty much lost all respect for her now. I'm not sure she deserves respect anyway.

I don't know if this is true but, in my observations over the years I have noticed
that men that are cheated on by their wife
usually begin to try to get her back feeling guilty he did something wrong, then eventually
ends up looking at her with such disgust. As you are calling OM Jon, looking now at her as a prostitute???

Maybe this will help, I don't know.

ASSERTIVENESS
The ability to recognize your strengths and express your feeling with confidence. Assertive individuals are able to express feelings like anger and tenderness directly and without apology. They have the confidence to tell others what they need and they feel in control of their own lives.

AGGRESSIVENESS
Aggressiveness centers around hurting others out of vindictiveness of defensiveness. Though it may accomplish you needs temporarily, it leads to disrupted communication and counteraggression from others.

Rookie, I just don't want to see you become aggressive through this all. Don't lower yourself to their level. Hate in your heart
will only consume you. Let any vindictiveness
go. She calls you to be vindictive and defensive but you don't need to be. Overcome
evil with good.....somehow. I know it's not easy.

I heard in an area of the USA today that women who cheat on their husband, their husband ends up growing horns, could be any horns. I don't want you growing horns. But I know the fury you feel can be overwhelming at times, and you just want to get the last dig in, but it's not necessary Rookie for your own heart sake. Be cool!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> And I know you will heal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ladysheep

Lady, always good to hear from you.

Jon is the OP's name, even if it is appropriate.

Lady, didnt have time to respong to your post last night.

I had some people over for dinner and I had to clean up as the house is being shown by the realators.

I am the type that is vengeful type by nature, I havent done anything that would ruin their lives.
Yesterday, I recieved about 5-6 calls from telephone solicitors, all asked for my W, I told them she no longer resides here and gave the the OP's number that he had specifically for her to call him on, no a biggie, but I did get a chuckle out of that as no one but her supposedly has that telephone number.

I know that the W and the OP have not taken anyones feelings, emotions or well being into consideration, and I feel no responciblity in being kind or considerate towards them. You are more than correct in stating that I now have no respect for her, and even less for the OP.

When he made the statement to his 8 YOA son about his mother (the OP's W) and I dating, I took that as a direct challenge to correct the lies he and the W are telling, I reponded to him via:e-mail in the rudest manner I felt possible, in my heart, I know I would want him to become aggressive towards me and would welcome a physical confrotation, I do know the legal implications if I were to be the aggressor, remember I was a cop for a long time. I would take extreme pleasure in demonstrating what we used to call street justice.

I did wake from my sleep the other night with a sore hand, I was dreaming that we had such a confrontation and I was beating the daylights out of him, but, I punched the head board of the bed in my sleep, know what, I woke up with a sore hand, but feeling great.

TMCM and others on this site have recommeded that I take the indifferant stance, which I have. It has been of great help to me as I now view what she and the OP are doing in a rational manner instead of a emotional manner, and since approaching this sitch for what it truly is, a sordid A, I have been able to detach myself from it and take pride that after 9 mos. of this crap, I can still say I have worked on my marriage to save it, I have not taken the comfort of another woman and honored my marriage vows even though those two have trashed theirs.

I can walk away knowing that I have been honorable and that my actions were of such that I do not have to lie, sneak, cheat or look myself or my son in the face and say I've done anything wrong.

I saw her, the W the other night at football, in her face I can see guilt and pain, actually made me smile, I could in her face that she is stressed.

I can also just chuckle to myself and put a smile on my face when she tries to engage me in a arguement or gives me a cheap shot as I know she is hurting, and I feel the more pain the better.

TMCM stated that the OP, sooner or later is going to have to be himself, and when that happens, watch out,(not exact verbage, but close enough, well, sooner or later BOTH of them, the W and the OP are going to have to face reality and be themselves, then it will get ugly, I cant wait.

Yep it does sound like there is trouble in paradise between your W and the OM, so much so that she feels the need to try to get into arguments with you to convince herself that she did the right thing in leaving you. That is why you should avoid responding to her in mean way while treating her like she is not even there. Her own worst judge is her conscience, if she has a functional one of course.

So, tonight the FIL comes to football to pick my son up as the W was busy.

I aks FIL, Have you met Jon yet? (the OP), FIL answers no. I then ask are you starting to realize that she is having a A, he states, she is a adult and I dont talk about that with her.

I respond, if she is a adult, why did you not let her face her problems that she started as a adult by having a A instead of financing it and approving it, I then asked do you realize that by financing her A you are helping to destroy not only her life, mine and then I pointed to my son and stated his also?, he had no answer.

I then informed him that I had lost all respect for him and the MIL. I informed him that if they had told her that they did not approve of the A or had they not financed it, things might have been differant if she had to face reality as a adult.

Vent post....these are the same people that say we still love you and you are welcome in our house anytime. I informed them prior to the W moving out of the A, they were well aware of what was going on prior to financing it.

Your IL's reminded me of the old saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' for in their beleif that they are helping their daughter out, they are indeed helping to destroy her, their grandson, you and the marriage. It would have been great if they have told BOTH their daughter and you that they wanted to have a meeting with the two of you to find out what was happening with your marriage and to see how they could help you save and rebuild it. Your W would have been under a lot of pressure to try to explain to them why she decided to get intimately involved with another man instead of trying to resolve her marriage problems with you. But alas that is wishful thinking on our parts, isn't it?

TMCM, I wouold have respected them more had they simply asked me what was going on after the daughter spun her tale of woe.

I informed them of the A after she moved out the first time.

Yep, if they had asked for a sit down with the W, myself and them I believe things might have been much more differant than what they are now.

Rookie, that is so funny you had that dream. I guess it's better to beat the crud out of him in a dream. How is your hand??

Rookie hang in there. You doing well.... considering. I hope you can remain calm!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wife's parents are moving....What's gonna happen then?????

Ladysheep

Morning Lady, TMCM and all.

Lady, the IL's sold their home with the intentions of moving to Arizona.

Since the MIL has been rediagnosed with cancer of the breast and has had the required surgery those plans have been placed on hold. Since they have sold the home, they were forced to rent a townhome near by till she completes radiation treatment. I have heard from mutual friends that the move might not happen at all now, so much for the karma, what goes around.

I was really hoping that they would move, their influence upon the W and my son is a negative. MIL had a similiar A a while back with a fellow co-worker, I am unsure if the FIL had ever known of it, but my point of bringing that up is how can she condemn her daughter for doing the same thing she had done. I have heard this from two differant sources, so I do believe her A occured.
One source was her best friend whose husband is a friend of mine, the other is a close family member of the MIL's. The family member owns his own business and one of his employee's was a friend of the MIL's OP and knew all the details.

There have been times that I was tempted to ask her, the MIL about it and ask the FIL how he dealt with his W having a A, but, that would in my opinion be overstepping the bounds.

One thing, these people are very self serving, the MIL told me that I should not have used the cancer that I was diagnosed with as a crutch for the depression I had following the diagnosis and subsequent ramifications of the surgery, impotency and incontinence. I really felt like asking her after he diagnosis of cancer if it bothered her at all, but that would be putting my self down to their level.

I at times also have been tempted to ask the FIL how he handled the A of HIS W, but I am not sure if he knew of it and I was not going to be the one to break the news to him. Some day I might have a one-on -one conversation with the MIL and advise her that I know of the A she had to see how she responds, how did you break it off, why did you have the A and what made you decide your marriage was more important than a roll in the sack.

Not to sound crude, but this is a development on my part. I was left impotent after the surgery for prostate cancer, I feel that my ability to perform the more intimate parts of marital relationships led to the A my W is having. I could perform with the use of medication, not viagra, but in the form of a shot, which took all spontinaity out of the form of love making.

My W has a VERY strong sex drive, which I always welcomed and enjoyed. As soon as that had been taken away, along with the depression I experienced over the lack of said spontinaity this led to her A, again not to sound crude, but certain bodily functions have started to work on their own so to say and to put it mildly, the spontinaity could be had at this time.

The impotency had a very strong impact upon me, not that I was a raging stud, but I was very sexually active. That was removed from my life for a year and a half, the depression that followed was very real. It is a shame that she could not have stood by me through those times.

Now it is like have the car gassed, the engine running and no where to go, I have still honored my vows and have not taken another woman, sounds like a pun, but it is getting hard.

Yesterday was my daughters birthday, the W sent my D a e-mail stating that after all they years they had spent together, her love for her has not died and that she is still in the W's heart and she thinks of her often. The W sent me a copy of the e-mail she sent to the D. Althought it is breaking the plan B, I simply repsonded to the W in the form of a e-mail, I still feel the same way about you without saying anything else.

Things to be thakful for that your W has a A, so far today alone,

Recieved notification that the credit card bill has not been paid, charging privleges suspended.

Go to store, use debit card, denied, funds not sufficient in account.

Go to bank, withdraw monies, reactivate debit card.

Paid health insurance bill $1.400.00, insurance would have been covered by W's had she kept her pants up and stayed in marriage.

Son will be over tonight for weekend, has major attitude and repeats things concerning the on going divorce that I HAVE NOT discussed in front of him, repeats accusations W made in regards to what I have done to destroy the marriage, her A has nothing to do with it.

Went to pharmacy to refill prescription for anti depressants.

May they both burn in hell for the pain they caused..............

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>May they both burn in hell for the pain they caused..............</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Revenge is not yours ... they will have to face the consequences when the time come.

Hang in there
-rh-

redhat, just venting, been one of those days where I cant turn around without something kicking me in the head that those two have caused by their actions, gets real rough on days like this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Paid health insurance bill $1.400.00, insurance would have been covered by W's had she kept her pants up and stayed in marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The divorce isn't final yet, is it? Why is insurance already cut-off?

Sorry to hear things still aren't going any better. I think you are handling it well though. the indifferent stance seems to really be pushing her buttons! Hopefully a turn will come soon.

Unfortunately, it seems the children are all too often used as pawns and become innocent victims.

Hang tough!

r0uter

Good to see you rOuter.

In regards to the insurance, yes, as long as we are married I am covered under her plan, but, to be covered after the divorce I had to reactivate my plan retroactive to June when I retired.

Had I not reactivted my insurance I would have been covered under her plan, Cobra for a period of 18 mos., after that, nothing, there fore, I have to have my own policy in effect.

The retro payment back to June was the $1.400 payment.