rookie,

My finances even more in dis-array than yours. My ExW wanna all my retirement account plus I have to pay for the tax for 2002 ($43K) plus life time spousal support (I thought she is going to M OM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) plus pay the rest of her lawyer fee ($5K) . I can't do anything with my stocks since it is under court order to frezze it. She rejected the mediator and want a trial. I can't refi my house since I just get them last year and my income is not qualified for it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

Do I get mad ? ... like you, the h3ll yes! but I am not looking to make the score even ... I am not drinking this poison of the soul and hope they will burn in h3ll. They put me in this situation but I know I will survive this but don't know how yet. I am thinking from opening Internet Cafe to doing import/export of frozen crawfish ... Meanwhile I am looking into improving my resume by taking OCP (Oracle Certified Prof). To make me more busy I took carpentry/construction class ( my hours of my contract job has been reduced).

The light at the end of the tunnel could be a train wreck or could be light of happiness/opportunity ... we have the control what that light might be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-rh-

Not much to add for what happened over the weekend other than the OP did spend both Fri and Sat night at the W's new apartment.

She came to pick up the son Sun. morning, asked her if her parents knew they were financing her sex life, or it they still were believing that her OP was JUST a friend.

She is to the point that she cannot even look me in the face, her guilt is defintely showing, she looks extremely miserable, good.

I am at the point now that even if she wanted to reconcile this thing, I would tell her to leave.

I still love who she WAS, what she is now is a very disgusting person.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>I am at the point now that even if she wanted to reconcile this thing, I would tell her to leave.

I still love who she WAS, what she is now is a very disgusting person.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there any such a thing as reverse fog ? Of course no one should take WS as is. However with a proper guidance under MB ... she would be better than she WAS !.

It is your choice but you speak from a man that has a bankrupt LB$ ... those LB$ could be rebuild. You know if she repents and willing to ammends and you aren't willing to take her back ... you might miss the blessing of fullfiling M.

In my situation last August-December, my LB$ is overdrawn and the judge grant 3 months 'till 12/31 for my change of status (Dv). I was praying that she won't want to come back. I wouldn't know what to do in that case ... I don't want to look back 10 years down the road and regret it if I don't try. She made it easier for me by letting Dv comes through and to me Dv is the final nail to the coffin, a combination lock# that no one know the number to open for reconsiliation (I don't beleive in remarry to the same spouse even my church allows it).

You did your best but make sure you have no regret/guilt of "what if" in the future

-rh-

redhat,, She has taken every LB possible and tossed it away like everything else.

At this moment I have a hard time looking at her and not feeling absolute disgust.

Your correct in saying the DV is the final straw, I probably have about 4 more months till it is final.

Lies ontop of lies, along with what they have done to the realtionship with my son puts me in a position that, I really am lost for words to describe how I feel about her now.

What she has done to this family and myself is beyond description. Cold hearted and cruel doesnt even start to describe it.

To consider her coming back, as she was, is just a dream at the moment, if she is in the mental state she is in now, she'd have skid marks on her back side from hitting the driveway, and my boot would be stuck in a strategic location.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>if she is in the mental state she is in now, she'd have skid marks on her back side from hitting the driveway, and my boot would be stuck in a strategic location.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was in same thinking as your ... I told my self if I saw her having and car accident and bleeding on the road side ... I would not even stop or call 911. I have learned a lot since ...
To forgive is not to forget ... and reconsiliation is optional. We are all have forgiven by HIS BLOOD ... who are we not forgiving them ?. It is a gift ...

It took me 2 years from D-day to finally let go. I would not let this anger be the stepping stone for HIS blessing. I would help as if I am helping a stranger if there is such event.

-rh-

rehat, maybe with time, but it is way to fresh for me now.

rehat, maybe with time, but it is way to fresh for me now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>rehat, maybe with time, but it is way to fresh for me now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like I said ... It tooks me 2 years <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> , what a thick head ... LOL.

I don't blame you Rookie, I would be upset for the pain she has caused you and the son also.
Try to act like you don't even care. Don't give her the time of day. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt and angry you are. She likes that, and will keep it going.
Nip it in the bud. Only talk about child, that's it. Keep it to minimum. No more comments, for the next 6 months. Ignore everything she says as if you don't respect her enough to listen to a word she says. Walk away when she starts talking about herself, and don't tell her any of your problems also. She has
done some horrible stuff to you, at a very
critical time in your life, when you had cancer.
How could a woman walk away from her husband when he is ill? I don't get it. How selfish.

I know in my heart Rookie, when it's all over, you are going to be a happy man, and be blessed
with even better. Don't you worry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ladysheep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"She came to pick up the son Sun. morning, asked her if her parents knew they were financing her sex life, or it they still were believing that her OP was JUST a friend."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What happened to the 'indifference' treatment? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Rookie,

I think you should tell the FIL about the MIL's
affair.

Ladysheep

TMCM, I kinda lost it and made that statement when the OP's W called and said he was not at home for the two nights in question,, yeah broke taht part, but ya would have been proud of me tonight.

At football pratice she showed up to pick up the son, I walked to her with the equiptment bag, placed it at her feet and WITHOUT a word walked away.

Lady, thanks for you caring words, they are always appreciated, I am on the fence as to telling the FIL about the A, if I do, I'll be exposing the family member and friend who told me.

Just curious as to why you think it would be good for him to know. My thought was maybe he could then place himself in my situation, but I am hesitant to tell him.

Hi Rookie,

I would tell the FIL just because he should know.
It's a bad secret to keep, and you know how it feels. Did the family member/friend tell you not to tell your FIL? Do you know the man's name that MIL had the affair with? Do you know for sure it's true?

It just seems it would be the honest/right thing to do. Could you send a letter, but not say who told you?

Ladysheep

The family member asked not to get involved, one of his employees knew the guy that she was doing and the guy told her all about it, and she in turn told the relative about it.

Secondly, as I stated before, the MIL's best friend is my buddies W, The MIL told her about it, so yep, I would go to the bank with that one being true that she did have a A.

I think if I was the one that told him it would be said that the only reason I brought it up was to be vindictive and the MIL would deny it.

The guy she was with later married, moved to Vegas and has since died, so, kinda leaves it where all I could do to prove it happened would be to say who told me and I dont want to burn those that did tell me.

Oh, I understand. If he died there would be no one for FIL to confront. I thought about it also, that MIL would say you are just saying that to be vindictive. It's kind of sad though, that he may never know. If she doesn't tell him, she will go to her grave with that guilt.
Not something I would want to carry around. How
can she look him in the face every day, keeping such a secret? So so sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ladysheep

I think that by posting so often it keeps my sanity in check.

I do re-read alot of what is responded to.

I have just read your response Lady in regards to how a woman can walk away from her husband when he is ill.

I have thought that question over many times and always come to the same conclusion, simply cold hearted. One needs their spouse at times like that, it is difficult to handle that illness on your own, let alone your wife abandoning you at a time like that.

When you hear the words from the Dr. that you have been diagnosed with cancer, it is like hearing you have been sentenced to death. It was one of the most devestating things to happen to me.

I had a very close friend die of cancer years ago at the age of about 27 and watched the progression of the illness first hand. I was devestated on the day he died as I was not with him. I was in court and upon returning I was told he died.

When she started with the OP, mentally, I did not think I could handle much more, all kinds of thoughts raced through my mind, like forgetting to turn the car off when ya pull into the garage and such. I am over that hump now, but the anger of her not staying through the illness to this day keeps me wondering how she could do that.

Then the next question I always ask myself is, why would I want such a shallow person back in my life, and what did I, and our family really mean to her. the answer is obvious, absolutley nothing.

Just like everything else in her life, if it is broke, dont take the time or care to fix it, simply buy something new and run that into the ground also, then buy the next new thing. People like her will never be happy, they never learn to appreciate life for what it is, they are always in pursuit of something better, guess what, sometimes there is nothing that can replace that broken item, and most time something that is broke can be fixed to be better than new.

I hope the OP never gets ill, if he does, he might as well pack his bags and head on out the door, he will also be replaced in no time flat.

I dont know how she can live with herself, or even look at our son and say I love you. I doubt she truly knows the meaning of that word.

Rookie were there any red flags that you can remember that said she was a very selfish woman? I ask because after my divorce was finalized, and I was able to go back in time to the beginning of my previous marriage, I finally realized that there were many red flags that all pointed to the type of person that was very capable and cold hearted to do the things she did (multiple affairs and child neglect). It seems that some of us BS's, like yours truly, were in a fog of their own.

TMCM, like you I thought about it when this started.

Yep, the signs were there, first being that she is a only child, not her fault, but her parents always treated her as if she was a child, if she ever wanted anything, they would supply it.

Other signs were, I was the one that exclusivley kept the house cleaned, laundry,landscapping and car maintenance, all of it. Never minded doing those things. When I was on rotating shifts, say 3-11 I would do it all before going to work, days 7-3 after work, mids, 11-7A, before going to bed. I am not the type that will live in a mess, so if I didnt do it, it wasnt done.

Cooking, I did most of it,when I was on days and midnights, she always came home to a prepared dinner, on occasion she would make dinner on the weekend, she was a very good cook, but....

cars, she would want a new one almost every other year, even if the one being replaced was in great shape, last one she got rid of was a 2002 Impala, with 18K miles on it, before that a Jeep with 30K on it. She would not take care of the cars, would only get them cleaned after I was on her about it, and then it would be about once every 4-5 weeks she would do it. I used to clean them for her, but gave up on it after she complained that it took to much time for me to do it. I did keep up the mechanical maintenance.

Clothes, wore the name off the credit card buying them. She would have a pile of clothes that needed to be taken to the cleanors, instead of keeping up on it, she would buy new clothes for work.

Yes, she was very selfish, but at times very giving when it came to buying something. Anything that took a effort, well, forget it.

Hi Rookie,

It's sounds like you lived a lot of years with a very self-centered wife.

I couldn't imagine you having to do all of the cleaning and cooking too, plus work your job <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yikes, how many men do that?? My gosh, that is just too much I wonder what she is going to do now.
Expect her son to do it?? Well, you know, maybe
she has to learn to do it, and this is the way
she is going to learn. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think she is going to learn more lessons that you realize, about growing up, being a homemaker, mother, cooking, budgeting money? And if she racks up the credit cards, at least it won't be on your credit now. I really don't think her A will last that long. She is already miserable, and that won't stop until the affair stops, so....let her be miserable.

The thing is is to nip it in the bud now, it's not all about her anymore, show her that. Ignore her like the plague. She will have to learn things the hard way, unfortunately some do have to learn the hard way. You know that, you were a cop. Your wife's "crime" was adultery, and even though the states don't look at it as a crime, it is a crime in the eyes of the Lord, and there are consequences that she will have to face. The Lord is not going to make her happy with the OM, and that is a fact!! The chastening of the Lord is grievous to the one He is chastening. Keep your distance, and let the Lord do what He needs to with her, it may not be pretty. Like I said she will have to learn the hard way, maybe with harsh discipline. Harsh discipline comes to those who forsake the way.
Proverbs. Just let the judgement come, you don't have to do a thing, but step out of the way, and let the Lord do it. O.K. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Lady, truer words could not be spoken than what you have posted.

I dont have to, nor will I do anything, her having to face what God has in store for her is more than anything I could ever think of doing or saying.

From the look in her face, and the fact she cant look me in the face, God is already doing so.