Not to jump Coffeeman's response.

My sealed envelop guess is... turning S against you and the ever popular restraining order.

JL

TMCM, where art thou???

Between my last post at approx. 4Pm and 5PM., she has called 4 times.

She starts out that if we are to raise our child mutually, at which point I said no, not mutually, you are living elsewhere than I, when he is with me I will raise him as I see fit and hang up,

2nd call, states, you are not going to raise him as you see fit, I respond, when he is with you, you raise him as you see fit, when he is with me, I will do the same, good bye.

3rd. call, I simply say yes?, she starts your son, I say I told you I dont want to talk to you, hang up

5th, repeat of the same.

The point of this is she always had to maintain some form of control over me,

When she was here, it was I'll move out, I cant feel passion for you, sex is cut off, I cant sleep in the same bed with you, moved to another room.

She moves out, then it's, if you do this or that, I'll divorce you and take away your medical insurance.

OK, so now she files for the big D, I am moving on, now she wants to still maintain control by using the son as the hammer.

Seems that if things were perfect in camelot, why is she bugging the hell out of me. I've been great in plan B for about a month or so now where I will only discuss events in our son's life and financial issues that are of joint concern.

TMCM, I'd love to hear what ya think on this spin of events. I really dont want to invest any emotions on her. Do ya think I should simply keep reminding her of the plan b letter, that is if she still has it or just leave it alone?

Since she is psycho babbling you may want to consider PB'ing her back with little howlers like 'I know you want me but for the last time the answer is NO I am not going to have phone sex with you' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Better yet get a female acquaintance to record a message on your answering machine and just watch the number of her calls reach an all time high (she may show up at your door wearing nothing but a sexy babydoll from Victoria's secretions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ). But seriously, the woman is craving for attention from you and the more you tell her to buzz off the more she will seek it. The best advice I can give you on handling these crank calls from her is to see the humor in them and laugh your butt off (it will do wonders for your health).

<small>[ September 30, 2003, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Well, life goews on.

The house I was bidding on, or should I say waiting to bid on till I recieved the letter from the W that she had no interest in it was bid out under me while I was waiting for said letter from her.

House was on the market for 246 days, go figure, I want to buy it and suddenly while I am waiting, it gets sold.

Seems like THEY ALWAYS get you, these WS's just keep sticking it to ya, knowingly or unknowingly. Just have to keep looking now.

I am going out of town with some friends on a fishing trip next weekend. Sent her a e-mail that she will have to watch the dog as I am going out of town with no further explanation to her, let her wonder what is up.

Hey Rookie!

Sounds like you are really jamming her good!!!

Make sure that you still request that letter from her. Let her pay her attorney to review it and send it back to you. She doesn't need to know that it was sold out from under you. If she finds out that she unintentionally jammed you, it will just fuel her fog.

Keep up the good work!

r0uter

rOuter, how are ya, have not seen ya here for awhile. Hope things are going well for you.

Yes, I still am getting her to sign that letter in the event I find something else that I wish to buy I dont want to wait on her to stall the deal and loose another house.

As simple as the letter states, my 11 year old son could understand it. But, being who she is now she needs to have a attorney explain to her that she has no interest in any purchase of a home I am considering and that she is not financially responcible for any future purchases of said home I make, duhhhh. So yeah, let her pay for the obvious answer she shall recieve.

Atleast this attempt to jerk me around is going to cost her a few bucks.

TMCM hit it right on the head, yesterday was the day from hell with her, I have distanced myself from her insanity and she is making any and all attempts to keep it up, at least keeping the insanity part. I went to my car this morning, there was phone calls from her on the cell phone also, maybe the OP should advise her to get a clue, God knows I cant get her to understand it.

I sent her a e-mail today telling her that we must sell this house, there fore I want a price reduction.

This just isnt fun anymore.

I have the divorce papers, she is requesting over the state required 20 percent for one dependent child, for me to pay mortgage on the house, even though her name is on the mortgage and a host of other things that is also her responcibility. My attorney will shoot down a lot of her requests.

All this so she could get laid. I know the world isnt fair, but somehow she has a price to pay for what she has done in all this.

I just cant get over how stupid this whole thing is and how cold hearted she is.

Vent..........

Rookie fight the temptation to call her up and blast her to smithereens because you would be playing right into her trap. If she calls you and asks you about the divorce papers, just ignore her and ask how your son is, for his wellbeing is the ONLY reason why you would want to have any contact with her. Become a stone wall in your dealings with her.

TMCM, nope been sticking to the promise to myself that I would no longer invest my emotions in her by speaking with her.

I have kept all communications by e-mail STRICTLY about my son, or, as I am going fishing up north with some friends next week, about the care of the dog while I am gone.

I know the ultimate goal of most on this site is to reconciliate with the WS, she has me to the point that, that thought is not there any longer. As I have said many times in the past, I still the the woman she WAS, but that person does not exist any longer.

I just want to sell my house at this point and move on with my life, but it seems she has placed roadblocks and forced me to live in limbo.

vent....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
I know the ultimate goal of most on this site is to reconciliate with the WS, she has me to the point that, that thought is not there any longer. As I have said many times in the past, I still the the woman she WAS, but that person does not exist any longer.

I just want to sell my house at this point and move on with my life, but it seems she has placed roadblocks and forced me to live in limbo.

vent....[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You WILL move on with your life. That is for the good. The roadblocks won't last forever. Probably she put them there because SHE isn't so sure she's doing the best thing for HER life.

Moving on is inevitable. I guess I'm trying to comfort and support you, is all. As well as acknowledging that the faithful spouse deserves to be happy and healthy, and recover their own selves.

She gambled and she lost. And you are one painful loss for her, because you are a good man. She really traded down.

You are right about that goal but don't forget that there is another goal and that is to help the BS recover in the eventuality that the marriage cannot be saved. But keep in mind that you want to maintain a civil relationship with her not because she deserves it but because your son does. Besides, as you've already seen for yourself, the best way to get back at her is by simply living and enjoying your life as though she no longer is a part of it.

TMCM, maybe I am a bit confused, but since being in Plan B, I have not spoken to her and if she calls I simply say I do not want to talk to you and hang up, not being a smart ars, but is that civil enough or should I give her the It's to painful to speak with you routine.

When I see her at football practice, I lay the equiptment bags either at her feet or in the back of her car and walk away saying nothing.

Bellevue, those were very kind words and I do appreciate it, times are hard now.

She did send me a email stating that she could not watch the dog if the rabies shots were not current while I was out of town , per apartment regulations, checked the date they were expired since June, was able to BS the vet to get in this morning and have all shots updated. Wonder what she will come up with now to say she cant watch the dog.

Even though most communiques of yours have been through e-mail, by your own admission there have been some words on your part towards her such as:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"simply told her you are the one that created this monster, I guess if you didnt have a boyfriend that screwed our marriage up we wouldnt be talking about this now, told her I was not going to argue with her after she said that is not true, and hung up,,,"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not that you are wrong (you are right on the money), but the last thing you want to do is lose your cool because doing so is letting her know that she has the power to push your emotional buttons. You get much more from ignoring her and acting indifferent towards her than responding to any of her nonsense fog talk. Overall I'd say that you are doing a fine job.

TMCM, thanks for the reply. I at times do speak faster than the mind can stop it, but have made a extreme effort to keep repeating thos lines of, I dont want to talk to you, that way it keeps it simple.

At time though I have to admit, it gets me going and I do respond, but that has not happened, at least this week so far....lol

Hi Rookie,

Just wanted to say "Hi!!" I haven't been here in a few days. Been preparing for a yard sale for today and tomorrow, and it rains!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I think your lawyer will be able to handle what she is trying to toss at you with the divorce papers. And I hope you can get the house sold soon, so that is not over your head w/ her.

I know it isn't easy for you Rookie, but you are making a lot of good progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Lady, thanks for the words of encouragement.

I just came back from my son's football game. She was there with her parents. I tried to not even look at her and did not speak to either her or her parents.

I would love to just grab her by her ears and start shaking her asking her what the hell are you thinking.

I had my son all weekend and went to a family party. He tells me that he(age 10) was talking with his other cousins and everyone knows mom is cheating and are not talking very highly of her.

He said he at least was able to talk to people about it and get it out how he feels. For the first time he stated that he is very hurt about what she is doing and that the marriage is breaking up, otherwise I was getting her spin from him that he was OK, and that it did not bother him. Was a very difficult conversation with him, he breaks my heart that he at his age has to live with the ramifications of what his mother is doing.

He is embarassed about it, but at least he is starting to talk about it. I wish he would open up with his feeling to her without repeating the mantra she is giving him.

This is almost laughable.

As stated in a ealier post I brought my son to a family party. While there my brother asked my son if he wanted to stay with him a couple days to get away from the problems in the marriage.

My son asked the W if he could, she stated that he could not as my brother is a bad influence on him.

I guess being married, cheating on your H with another married man, lying and saying things your H supposedly had done to justify your A, lying to the son about the A even existing, sneaking around and having the married BF over to the apart. for sexual gratification is a better influence. When will this crap end....

Vent

Rookie your son is no dummy (unlike his mom) but I worry how his mother's behavior might be sending him the wrong message as far as how women, in general, are. You MUST, if you haven't done so already, tell him that not all women behave in such fashion otherwise he might grow up to have a very negative and unrealistic view of women.

TMCM, I have spoken with him that it is not good for a married woman to be going out with another man other than her husband. She, the W has told him it is OK as a divorce is pending, and we are married only on paper. Sick....

I am going out of town on a fishing trip till Sunday night with some friends, I have to get out of here for awhile.

I asked her to sign the paper which releases her of any liability as far as her paying, and she will not pursue the property purchased as marital property if I purchase a home prior to the date
of the divorce. She will not sign it saying that when I sign the divorce papers I am free to do what I want and that it is not in HER best interest to sign them.

So, in a effort to put the hammer on me she refuses which puts me in limbo with no place to live till I sign divorce papers.

The papers her attorney have prepared are nothing short of giving her my monthly pension, I am not signing what she has proposed as she is requesting over and above what the state requires me to pay for child support and a few other issues she wants me to pay for, such as the mortgage and related household bills till the house is sold.

Not only is she in a major fog, but being quite unreasonalbe as well. Her BF makes over 30K a year more than I do, but she wants me to pay a $100.00 a month less than he does, guess they are trying to make up the differance in what he is paying by trying to jam me.

I meet with my attorney soon to discuss what can be done.

As Always..... VENT.............

Consider asking your attorney to go on the offensive and ask for alimony from her. Even though it may be a longshot, it will certainly send her a message that the kids gloves are off.