Boy am I in the same situation. My WW has acknoledged multiple kissing sessions with the OM, and today she had the audacity to say this is all about me, and to look at myself. However, when I ask when they first kissed, she says "none of your business. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction."

She seems so cruel to me. We've been married for 12 years, and have 2 daughters, 5 and 7. For more of the miserable details, see I'm pretty sure

Yesterday, I sent an email to the OM and most all of her friends. She said I was pathetic, and there was nothing going on (although the email was simply a rewording of what she had admitted). She threatened a restraining order (haha).

Tried to work on plan A today. Was a good father, took her out to lunch, but she turned so cruel in the afternoon. It shocked me. It's so hard to stay the course and not get rattled/discouraged in the face of such obstacles.

Just came back from the UP in Michigan, was with a group of guys aged 21-85, had a great time, fishing sucked so we cut firewood, rode the 4 wheelers all day and watched the Cubs games.

Learned I cannot keep up with the younger ones in the group, sore as hell, but put up a good showing.

Was great to get away from all this for the week, but, am back and waiting for her to start again. Called the son everyday I was up there when she answered the phone, simply asked to speak with my son.

She left me a message on my voice mail advising me to be more responcible, and leave a number where I could be reached while I was up there, for a moment I thought I was trying to get away from her, how stupid of me. besides that my best friend was with me, if she NEEDED to get ahold of me she could have recieved the number by simply calling them and asking.

Have a meeting set with my attorney on Tues., gonna give him the green light to do what ever it takes to end this and stop her insanity

Well, it didnt take long for her to get to me.

She give me a letter when she drops off the dog last night asking if my son can go to a event with her on Sunday. I stated that I wanted to know who she is going with and to what type of event it is since it is MY day with the son.

I told her if Jon is going, my son will not as I will not openly expose to him to the affair and that my son will not be transported in a vehicle operated by a alcoholic (this was done via:e-mail)

Well, she responds, by phone, that she is going to a church event for a friend, I started laughing when she called with that one. Broke Plan B big time, but couldnt resist, asked her when did she find religion, did she ever ask her friend in the church if infidelity/adultery is the path that people who follow a religous belief follow?.

She responds, I am not a adultress?????? I about fell out of the chair laughing, I aksed her what do you call it when your married and your F***ING and man married to someone else.

I then informed her that my son will not go to the church event with her, I do not want to place him in a postition to defend a hypocrit and hung up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She responds, I am not a adultress?????? I about fell out of the chair laughing, I aksed her what do you call it when your married and your F***ING and man married to someone else.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk about a thick fog bank in that woman's mind. Just like ships of old that crashed against the shore because there was no lighthouse beacon to warn them, your stbxww will also one day crash big time against reality (mine sure did) except that in her case there was a beacon (you) that she chose to ignore.

Morning TMCM good to hear from you.

The OP's W called very early this morning as she had a discussion concerning the audultery issue with her H.

He informs her that they are not committing adultery as both he and my W are seperated from me and the OP's W.

He is STILL living in her house and there is no divorce decree as of yet,my W has moved out, but again, no finalization of the divorce in hand, but in their fogged heads they are not committing audultery.

I could loose my sanity if I took what they said to heart, but I am at the point I can actually laugh at some of their insanity, it is pitiful.

I also checked a web site for the state OP visits alot. W said I was a alcoholic for years, drank on weekends and maybe a couple beers a day at that time. I NO LONGER DRINK AT ALL.

Well, her new found love has two alcohol related arrests on record. He has been to two counselors in regads to his drinking, both diagnosed him as a alcoholic, but according to him, they are wrong and he refused to seek treatment, was called in by his boss, who happens to be my W's boss also and advised not to come to work under the influence and longer, his W states he is drinking more now than ever, but he is a great guy with no problems.

I guess in time, things can only get better for her,,,,,right. If she stays as fogged as she is now and over looks all his faults as she has been, I should have custody of my son in no time flat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">rookie:

"I could loose my sanity if I took what they said to heart, but I am at the point I can actually laugh at some of their insanity, it is pitiful."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's because you are rational and acknowledge the old saying: 'you can't argue with a sick mind'.

If we were to follow their line of thinking then she is a man with a vagina and he is a woman with a penis. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Big pla B buster, but here were two questions I e-mailed her since she doesnt understand the term adulteress.

1. Since you have found God and now are attending services, ask one of the church elders if your actions of sleeping with another man while you are married yourself is termed adultery.

2. Should I or OP's W die prior to the finalization of the divorce, how long would it take either of you to claim you WERE still married to either of us to claim my pension for the rest of your life or him, any insurance that would list him as a beneficiary so long as they are married.

I know I am supposed to go underground, but I am to the point I dont care, this marriage is over till she looses the drunk, it sure as hell seems like that is not going to happen none too soon and I had to throw those questions for her to stew on.

BTW, OP did ask his W for sex last night,,, hope when he wakes from his drunken stupor he can explain that one to the W.( in the e-mail I advised her to ask the sober one about this)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>Big pla B buster ... I know I am supposed to go underground, but I am to the point I dont care, this marriage is over till she looses the drunk, it sure as hell seems like that is not going to happen none too soon and I had to throw those questions for her to stew on.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At this rate and your choices to stay too long in plan A and creates holes in plan B ... even she dump the drunk you might want her anymore.

Knowing is useless unless you applied it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I use Dr. Phil favorite line ... "how is it working for you so far ?"

-rh-

redhat, agree with you on the part about wanting her any longer, I DO have feelings for as she was.
As she is now, NO.

I have done pretty good in plan B for several weeks, but the church thing really got to me. I dont know how she can EVEN think about being a person of beliefs when she is doing what she is.

For her to deny the audultery issue is just way beyond anything I can describe. I know it was wrong to contact her, really, havent spoken with her in quite awhile, but I am a person who detests hypocrisy and could not help myself by addressing that issue with her, not that it did any good, but, was way beyond my level of self control to not address that one.

Anyhow it will be back to the no zone of any contact with her. I really have nothing else that I can think of that I wish to tell her or discuss with her while she is at this level of fog.

Have you thought that she may be pushing your buttons to communicate with her? Besides why communicate with this woman who is nowhere near the person that you use love and respect? Go back to no contact and if she e-mail's you anything regarding your son, just answer her yes or no without further explanations. Remember that your silent indiference hurts her more than any amount of words you may throw back at her.

TMCM, she is in such a fog now with the thought that she is in love and that they are doing the right thing.

Yes, the no communication did get to her, I still see it in her face, that speaks louder than anything she might say.

I was in a very good NC, only did e-mail her inregards to the little guy, but again, the adultress issue sent me off the edge. As far as she is concerned, yep, I am off the radar screen for her once again, there is nothing else I can say or want to.

rookie,

Anger is not a sin unless when you dwell on it and act on it. I have NC w/ my exW even up to today. I did it out of self preservation ...

-rh-

I had a two hour meeting with my attorney yesterday. We did a page by page review of what the W is asking for in the divorce and rebutted the issues at hand as well as include issues I felt were necesary for the proper upbringing of my child.

The paperwork should be submitted to her attorney within a week or so, I'll be hanging on for the calls and accusations to start.

Some notable issues I included.

1. OP will have no disciplinary rights over my son, he cannot physically or verbally discipline him, only W.

2. Son cannot be transported in a vehilce operated by a person who has injested alcohol or other mind altering subtances 12 hour prior.

3. No person of the opposite sex can spend the night at W's home while son is there.

4. ALL holidays are alternating(she had christmas eve as her exclusive night with him)

5. Child support brought into the required state statutes, 25 per. less than she was requesting, also all clothing purchased for son to come from child support, not from me as she indicated.

There were other issues, but the above were biggies to her.

The OP moved this week, his apt. in now directly behind the W's, I hope she spends as much time as possible with the alcoholic bum as possible and reality kicks her in the butt big time, oh but wait, according to her he doesnt drink, wish she can explain the 2 alcohol related arrests(I sent her copies from the state indidcating such a bit ago) the fact that he was called in by the boss and told not to come to work drunk anymore and his W who stated to the date he moved he was still hitting the bottle hard. But hey, he is a great guy and we can overlook these minor detail as long as he makes HER feel good.


May she enjoy her new life.

rookie,

I would have 3 phone# very handy (on speed dial) in the following order 911, local child services, and your lawyer.

One wrong move by OM (violent or drunk) in front of your kids, you should take your kid out from that environment and seek full custody and only let her have visitation (supervise).

-rh-

rookie...understand that i take a back seat to no man in my disgust and anger at cheating lyer but that aside, can i respectfully make a small suggestion. try to tone down the name calling and angry behavior in general.

your W has an is behaving abominally...NO QUESTION about it! and her fogged out brain is a testement to all that could make murderer out of a saint....BUT...she is still the mother of your child and you will still need to deal with her in the coming years. so may i suggest that for the sake of your son you just try to cool it a bit?

sorry...i don't mean to get preachy so please forgive my intrusion.

coach

redhat, best believe I'll be all over that one, Having worked in law enforcement for 28 years I would not hesitate to take my son out of enviorment in a New York second.

I have sent the OP a e-mail explaining to him that he WILL NOT discipline my son in any way shape or form, should disicpline be necesary, the W will handle such, in either case, it will not by physical.

I am more than mildly concerned about the OP's contact with my son, and I am more than concerned what my reaction to him would be should he ever strike my son.

It is bad enough that he will be exposed to this guy, I really dont know if I could control myself if he ever laid a hand on him.I have seen way to many times the results of some bimbo dragging a drunk into the home and the resulting affects on the kids, I hated it when it was other peoples kids and had NO sympathy on the idiot and prosecuted them to the fullest extent, but good God, this is now my own son I have to be concerned about.

Coach, I am sorry but she opened herself up for that one when she started talking the religous aspect with me, I lost it when I heard how close the OP moved to her. It was incorporated in the divorce papers that he should not spend the night when my son was present and this is their attempt to cicumvent that order.

I am not going to apologize for having no respect for her at all at this point, she knows this clowns past performance and she is knowingly bringing him into my son's life.

I know I cant control that and it simply makes me sick.

One unrelated issue I found kinda humorous. While reviewing the divorce papers I notice who the judge is on the last page that was assigned the case.

The divorce cas was assigned to a judge who's son I arrested bout 3 years ago for dealing drugs,,, think I am asking it to be assigned to another judge. I did bring it to my attorney's attention, without a doubt it will be reassigned.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong> One unrelated issue I found kinda humorous. While reviewing the divorce papers I notice who the judge is on the last page that was assigned the case.

The divorce cas was assigned to a judge who's son I arrested bout 3 years ago for dealing drugs,,, think I am asking it to be assigned to another judge. I did bring it to my attorney's attention, without a doubt it will be reassigned. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yikes! Good catch rookie. The last thing you want is that guy handling your divorce case and salivating the payback he's going to give you. Besides even if he was fair minded with your divorce case, it would certainly just add more stress to your present life and THAT is definitely something you can do without.

TMCM, that was one thing I am glad I did catch.
The charges against the goof were dropped for one of those obscure technical reasons, didnt matter that I observed the whole deal, the drugs and money exchange hands, then went one step further and called a drug dog in to search, the dog also finds the drous as I observed, but,,,,,

Gives ya some kind of idea how I would stand in court against this judge... NO THANKS.

Anyhow, today was homecoming for my son's football team, they won and are going into the playoffs.

Being that it was homecoming there was a pizza party, the W does not show up. It is OP's moving day to the apartment behind her, guess that fully explains who in the scheme of things is more important. Even her son is pushed to the background when it comes to the OP, disgusting and pathetic does not even begin to describe my feelings about her.

rookie I want to convey to you that as hard as this may seem for you to do, please try to eliminate all bitterness(B) and resentment(R) against your WW. I'm telling you this as a fellow BS (multiple times in fact) and because I found out firsthand that those two (B and R) are truly poisonous to my soul. Please ask yourself 'What good is it to be right if it ends up costing me my soul?'. I have since met and married a wonderful woman (she too was a BS in her previous marriage) but I can assure you that if I had nourished B and R in my soul, I would not have been able to move forward with my life and meet this woman who has truly shown me what true love is all about. There are so many beautiful (both spiritually and physically) women out there that would die to have a man like you that it would be truly tragic if you would let B and R take permanent residence in your soul. Your greatest enemy is not your stbxWW but B and R.