Sorry rookie. How do you manage to keep your sense of humor? (Caustic, but funny.)

Belle, 28 years of being a cop you either learn to laugh at the darkest moments or you go crazy, it is really quite simple.

If I didnt laugh I'd be bawling like a baby.....

In the state I live in you have to go to a parenting class before you can get divorced.

They discussed the statistical data concerning 1 in every 2 marriages would fail.

In the crotique of the class I stated that I felt the class on my part was useless and did not teach me anything I did not already know, but I did ask why the state does not require a class which gives the statistical data in regards to those who do divorce, such as 85% regret getting divored and that only 3% of affairs lead to a successful marriage/relationship. I stated maybe if some of these people involved in A's that are leading to thier divorces heard these statistics from a impartial person they would think hard about getting divorced and work on thier marriages.

But again, we are dealing with the state........

TooMuchCoffee Man, I was happy to see you reply to someone on another thread, was getting concerned as I have not seen you post for awhile, wherever you were, welcome back.

Rookie

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:

TooMuchCoffee Man, I was happy to see you reply to someone on another thread, was getting concerned as I have not seen you post for awhile, wherever you were, welcome back.

Rookie</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks rookie. I haven't posted to your thread for a while because you have been getting good support and advice from the other members that they basically conveyed exactly what I was thinking. But make no mistake I have been following your situation every day and will post when I have a suggestion or perception that could be some value to you.

How's the house going along? Have you found a buyer for it yet?

TMCM, I didnt necesarily mean that you were not replying to my posts, I read alot that is posted here and have not seen you post and was concerned if everything was OK.

Gets to be like a family here and when you see one missing from the dinner table for a few days, you get a bit concerned, but I am glad everything is fine with you.

So here is what is going on in the rookie's life these fine days.

I signed up for parenting without partners. There is a meeting tommorow night for new members which I am going to attend.

My interest is in meeting new people, socializing and doing things. I do have friends, but all are married and I am tired of being the third wheel so to speak when we go out. I think by associating with this group I will be amongst others in the same position, sides that new friends never hurt.

I did go to a employment agency to find work, any work, although my pension is sufficient, I need to get out and be busy, the extra money would be a bonus. I am not particuliar about a job, as long as I dont have to ask someone if they want fries with that or to supersize thier order.

The divorce should be final Monday, it's been pretty emotional realizing the game is almost over. I cant help but reflect on what has been happening the last year and it has had it's impact on me.

One thing about the D that is kinda funny is that I do know the OP's W quite well, if you recall I did work with her in the past, we arrainged that on the weekends I have my son, the OP will have thier son. In the decree the OP's W and I both have the stipulation in there that the WS's cannot have a member of the opposite sex spend the night so long as our children are present, seem like they will not have a weekend without either one of them having one or the other's son there on a weekend.

In reality, the game is never completely over, I am still of the opinion that her A is going to crumble, I find it impossible for it to work out. She works with the OP, and now they are going to have unlimited time together, reality sonner or later will sink in, everyone I know that knows both the OP, my W and myself all state that she is going to dump him after awhile and try to come back to the marriage, question is, at that point will I take her back.

The last year as all here who are in the same position know what hell the BS's go through, my answer to that is a completely honest, I dont know.


DaRookie

Rookie it's always nice to know that one's absence is noticed and missed. You are right in saying that this little community feels a lot like a family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I am still of the opinion that her A is going to crumble, I find it impossible for it to work out. She works with the OP, and now they are going to have unlimited time together, reality sonner or later will sink in, everyone I know that knows both the OP, my W and myself all state that she is going to dump him after awhile and try to come back to the marriage, question is, at that point will I take her back."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your are right in beleiving that the odds are against them that their relationship will flourish because they do not have the tools to make a relationship work. And after the divorce is finalized, there will be the added pressure to their relationship, especially with your stbxww, of 'this better be worth it' which can only help to advance its demise.

If in the near future she expresses a desire to reconcile and you also want it as well, then you MUST convey to her that only her actions will convince you whether she is serious about reconciling or not. Willigness on her part to be totally accountable to you, and vice versa, as well as being open and honest with each other without going ballistic for something one or the other said, like feeling attracted to such and such. My wife and I often talk about people of the opposite sex we find attractive because we know that hiding that from one another can only lead to dishonesty and the possibility of an affair developing. We are well aware that we must do everything in our power to avoid being in a situation where we would be alone with one of those attractive people. The other day, a woman friend of hers (who is a total knockout and a tremendous flirt) came over to the house when my W was at work, and asked if we could talk. Immediately I saw huge red flags waving in front of my eyes and I simply told her that I had to go out to do a few errands but that I would be happy to talk to her AFTER my W arrived from work. I contacted my W and told her about the whole situation and when she came back from work, we talked about her 'friend' and she thanked me for telling her because now she is going to be more vigilant about her friend's true motives (BTW her 'friend' never came back afterwards). Then there was another incident in which a male co-worker of my W's (whom my W said was very handsome) came to her and asked her if she wanted to go out to lunch with him, just the two of them. My W simply told him 'No thank you' and immediately left him alone. He became persistant in his attempts to get her alone until my W asked me if I could please talk to him to leave her alone. One day I went to pick her up at work and she pointed out who this guy was, and I went over to him and said that I did not appreciate his advances towards my W and if they continued, then my W and I would take it up to his boss and H.R. I'll never forget the look on his face (he looked like he had just swallowed his gonads <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) and he swore to me not to worry and that he would never again talk to my W. My point in telling you about these personal situations, is to give you and idea of how we follow the MB principles in our lives. Both of us suffered so much with the infidelities of our first spouses, that we are committed to making our marriage a true one in every sense of the word. We definitely do NOT want a repeat performance of our past marriages.

Well folks, the fat lady has song, as of 11:30 Am., this fine morning I am officially divorced.

I walk away from this feeling no guilt, I tried to salvage my marriage, but the forces of her A were too strong and her character to weak.

I am now moving to the Divorced section, I need a thread title, any assitance is more than welcome.

I appreciate the assistance of those that have stood by me and have shown thier care and love for a fellow human being that they do not even know, you are the folks that have helped me keep my sanity thoughout this campaign of terror waged by the W and the OP.

I did loose my temper with the the W's attorney, she tried to renegotiate the terms of the child support and other issues at a coffee table in the lobby of the courthouse at the last moment.

I cut off the attorney while speaking legal terms with my attorney stating that I dont want this divorce, I am prepared to walk into the court room at this moment and declare that I mandate the marriage couseling and a attempted reconciliation of my marriage, those terms will included my W not having any contact with her lover and I will refuse to waive the two year seperation period that is required by law in this state, I am in no hurry, I will no longer subject myself to this harrassment and walked away.

My attorney caught up to me, asked me to cool down, but seems her attorney got the point and negotiated the divorce in a rather rapid fashion at that point.

Wierd, I have to this date STILL honored my marriage vows, and now I feel like a fool for believing that they meant something to her.

Again, thanks folks, and how do ya say I love ya all to people ya never met....

See ya in the new section, but I do need a thread.

DaRookie

Rookie,

I don't know if I ever posted to you. I never really had much to say, Coffeeman and others were doing such a good job, and you did such a good job, I just read and watched.

As for a new title in the D/D section, well let's see.

How about:

1. Life begins at 50+

2. I did it my way. If you are a Sinatra fan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

3. A line from the poem Rabbi Benezzra (sp). "Come along with me for the best of life is yet to be..."

Or you could seek advice on how to raise a child after a divorce.

Rookie, I must say you DID do all you could. There really is nothing else you could do. But, I would urge you to be the best Dad to your child that you can possibly be. Your child is your legacy to the future.

I wish things had turned out better.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Wierd, I have to this date STILL honored my marriage vows, and now I feel like a fool for believing that they meant something to her."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rookie I know the feeling very well myself but you know what, at least you and I can be proud of the fact that we did not use another human being as our plaything. Not to mention, we can sleep soundly at night since our consciences are clear. Can your XW say the same thing?

TMCM, I really dont think the thought of destroyiing two families has even entered her or the OP's mind, they have justified everything they have done, no matter how dellusional that thought is, to them it is still justified.

I relish your thought now that you mentioned in a earlier post, now that he has her all to himself, unless my son gets in the way, in that he is now going to have to proove to her that he was worth all this. I would say yes, they both have someone now that can rationalize anything they do, be it good or bad, have no sense of reality, loyalty to themselve or family, can look you in the eye and lie and believe that lie themselves, I give it less than a year.

Last night my son called, even though he is ten he picked up that I was not in the best of moods, he asked his mom if he could stop by the house, she did drive him here. He walks in gives me a hug and starts crying, I have never been emotional but broke down like a baby, we held each other in tears and HE is telling ME that it is going to be alright, my little guy, I love him to death.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
TMCM, I really dont think the thought of destroyiing two families has even entered her or the OP's mind, they have justified everything they have done, no matter how dellusional that thought is, to them it is still justified.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh I agree with you completely but I've also been a witness on how people do wake up and realize the lives they helped destroy. As hurt as I was with my XWW's(first W) lack of conscience even after our divorce became finalized, I never wished to trade places with her. More so, two years ago when after her emotional meltdown and subsequent succesful therapy, she tearfully apologized for having hurt me and our daughters and even asked me if there was a chance to make it up to us. If I ever had any lingering hatred towards her, it was turned into sadness because it was already too late for us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I relish your thought now that you mentioned in a earlier post, now that he has her all to himself, unless my son gets in the way, in that he is now going to have to proove to her that he was worth all this. I would say yes, they both have someone now that can rationalize anything they do, be it good or bad, have no sense of reality, loyalty to themselve or family, can look you in the eye and lie and believe that lie themselves, I give it less than a year.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just don't be surprised that when that happens, she comes back begging you to take her back.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Last night my son called, even though he is ten he picked up that I was not in the best of moods, he asked his mom if he could stop by the house, she did drive him here. He walks in gives me a hug and starts crying, I have never been emotional but broke down like a baby, we held each other in tears and HE is telling ME that it is going to be alright, my little guy, I love him to death.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is great. Our children can be our greatest blessings in our most darkest hours. Their love can give us the strength to go on fighting for what is right even when we doubt it ourselves.

Sorry to still be posting here, but it sorta feels like a second home and I did'nt want to start all over with the explanations in another thread.

I check my e-mails this morning and the lil'darlin sent me one stating "You are a great father and anytime you wish to see him or him you I will try to make the arraingemts. His happiness is my greatest concern.

I dont know if this means anything to you but I am truly sorry"

OK, my response was simply "I feel much better now".

Just the other morning she is telling how worthless I was as a father and made a host of other accusations towards me, now she wants to play nice?, I did not respond to her phone calls or e-mails for the past month.

BTW, the order of protection was lifted at the time of the D, it was total B.S, and I mandated that I would not sign the D papers unless that was lifted, having been in law enforcement and having applied for related jobs recently it would have been made it imposible to get a job in that field if my firearms card was yanked as required when there is a order in place.

One day after the D and she is going to say she is sorry.... GGGGRRRRRRRRR.

Rookie she's still trying to keep a relationship with you open in case things don't work out with the OM. Continue with the NC of your old Plan B, and only discuss with her vital info regarding your son, no more no less.

I was starting to loose faith that my prayers would never be answered and that reality was something these two were going to be able to escape.

Good Lord does work in strange ways. I just received a call from the OP's W, their divorce was to be final today. Seems it wont, he does not want to pay the 20 percent child support as mandated by state law in this state and was attempting to negotiate the support based on his LAST YEARS salary prior to getting his raise which amounts to $200.00 a month less than it should currently be.

God Love the OP's W, she informed the attorneys that it can go into mediation and that she is not going to waive the 2 year seperation order as required in this state and she is prepared to sit it out.

Seems like the ex's celebration with her OP is going to be placed on hold,,,,,,,he-he, gotta love it. I would love to hear his explanation to the ex why he is prolonging the D.


DaRookie

rookie,
i just wanted to say that i'm sorry about your divorce...but only if you are!

it sounds to me, from all i've read of your posts, that your ex was a truly toxic element in your life...coloring the way you acted and felt about everything. now maybe you can begin to go forward and enjoy life the way you deserve to. i hope so!

if it were me i would try to take only the good from this experience and grow from it. you've experience and learned so much...i just can't believe anything else...that and the only loser here is your ex-wife.

best of luck.
coach

Rookie - Believe it or not, the Lord is answering your prayers but likely not in the manner you may have imagined. He is a just God and trust me, He will deal with your situation. Please be encouraged to continue the change in yourself and let the kids minister Christ's love to you. Children can't be fooled and they see the real issues here.
I am a law enforcement officer in one city and a police chaplain in another. Let me know if there is any way I can offer support. Your life's journey is not over yet. God bless!

John 16:33.

Coach and Hurting, thanks for your kind words.

I did not want this divorce, it was her decision that I have to live with.

I constantly have that thought, maybe if I did this or did that?. Maybe the more appropriate thought is, Maybe if SHE didnt do that. I am left with the results.
DaRookie

OK, sometimes as much as you try to stay in the dark and have no contact some things simply cannot be overlooked.

Today I picked my 10 YOA son up from school, he proceeds to tell me that mom informed him that th eOP's W called her a slut to her 8 YOA son, I tried to explain as delicatley as I could that she is extremely hurt about loosing her H to his mother and that sometimes people say things they shouldnt.

He then proceeds to tell me that he has not met the OP yet, but mom says what a great guy he is, in fact IF she is going to marry him (mind you we were just divorced on Monday) she would only do it if the son approved. I was doing a rapid melt down, how can she lay that type of responcibility on the son being that young. So if the son says he does not like this ahole as he broke up his family, she would not marry him?, give me a break.

I simply e-mailed her and asked her to use common sehse in discussing her plans with the son as he is having issues dealing with the divorce and that she should not throw her decision to marry at him. dammnnnn still burning

Rookie,

Well I suppose one could commend her for considering your S's feelings. However, you are absolutely right, putting a child in the middle of this is cruel to a child and I think ultimately harms them.

Stick by your guns on this one.

God Bless,

JL