Just learning, I agree, I will not allow her, at least to the best of my ability to lay that decision, for her to marry on him.

Sometimes I am so grateful for finding this site and others that have explained how these affairs play out, it's like a play book for them to follow, and I know exactly the course she is on, at other times I regret it because I KNOW the insanity of it all and I feel like I would have been better off just thinking she left for another guy and that is it.

I am convinced her A is going to go down in flames, it is all on a time table now and just a matter of time, that is the frustration of it all, is knowing that everyone has been caused so much pain for some thing absolutey insane.

Wish she would have put her efforts into reading about affairs and the affects instead of investing all her time and energies into pursuing a A.

Rookie,

I feel for you dude! I'm almost in the same boat. My WW is going to file for Dv next week. I couldn't figure out why she was in such a hurry, until I heard my oldest (9) talking to his grandmother (W's Mom). It appears they they are moving soon to a new house (upgrade from 900 SqFt appt)just down the street from OM. I'm sure it won't be long before he moves in, especialy since there is no way my WW can afford it (she couldn't even afford the apt she was in for 2 months). But your right, sometimes it would propably be easier to just think she was running off with another guy, and leave it at that. I to am playing the waiting game for now.

Question. Now that you are Dv, what would you do if your ex wanted to come back after realizing her mistake? That is a question I have been strugling with the last week or so. I'm scared I might take her back for the sake of the kids (she has custody), and not because I had many feelings left for her. She's been withdrawing out of my LB like crazy latley.

hangon, really a good question as my ex also LB'd the hell outta me.

My son left tonight after having him for the weekend, no one can tell me watching him walk out the door gets any easier.

If she showed up at the door saying she wanted to work it out, maybe if she had a letter that she resigned from her job, a appointment set with a counselor, pro marriage of course, the OP at her side and telling me to use him as a punching bag,,

What she put this family and myself through, as you yourself currently are experiencing is nothing short of cruel and mental abuse. I never imagined she could be so cold, I cant look at her without feeling my blood pressure rise.

I just dont know hangon, that is the most honest answer I can give you without bravado and lying.

DaRookie

Rookie-

Thanks for the reply. It is a tough question.

As you can see from my latest thread. My WW and OM are planning on moving in together.

Tonight my oldest (9) told my W that he wanted no part of that and wants to come live with me.

Surprisingly, my W said she would allow him to make that decision.

Take care, and God bless.

So, I get a call from my son's school yesterday, he was not feeling well and they wanted someone to pick him up. They stated that they had TRIED to call the ex, but she had not responded.

I picked the S up and sent her a e-mail that she should pick him up at my place as he was ill in school, he has chronic headaches, which she is very much aware of.

She calls 4 times blasting me that I did not call her to let her know of a medical problem with the son. I told her it was a headache, very common, and I picked him up as they could not get ahold of her.

She complained that I DID NOT CALL HER, I explained if the school could not, what made her think I could?, besides, she obviously received the message as she called me 4 times concerning this issue. I hung up each time she called after giving her the pertinant information, which flamed her, She asks to speak with the s, I tell her as always when he has such a headache that I gave him some aspirin and he is sleeping, she demands to talk to him, I again inform her that she is well aware that the only solution to his headache is aspirin and sleep, and no, I would not wake him and hang up once again.

I then informed her that if she is to be contacted by the school (I contacted her by e-mail), call the school and give them the OP's cell phone number as he knows constantly where she is at 24/7 and that should solve the problem of her being notified immedialtley.

So now she is cancelling her e-mail and informs me the only way I will be able to contact her in the future is by PHONE, forgive me, but I thought the reason for the divorce was to get away from me and disconnect, not keep a leash on me...

Just venting, seems the crap does not end with the divorce.....


DaRookie

Thats the problem with divorce when children are involved, there will always be some connection/interaction/conflicts/friction.

My oldest deciding to move in with me has thrown a monkey into the wife's wrench. She wanted to get this over with ASAP, but I'm not doing this on a hand shake. I told her that we need to have our sep agreement modified to change the custody and child support clauses ($$$). I told her that if she wants it done ASAP, she'll have to pony up some money for the attorney office visit and agreement amendments. I'm not going to shell out a bunch of cash for something I didn't want in the first place. Of course, she claims to be broke, but somehow manages to come up with money for other stuff when she needs it (OM's help I'm sure), so I guess I'll see how motivated her and OM are about getting this over. I would love to see the two of them start off their "new lives together" with some money problems!

hangon, without a doubt, get the child custody issue in the agreement, like you are supposed to take the work of that wigged out WW?, yeah....Ilike sticking pins in my eyes also.

Let's see how far the OP's love goes when he has to start shelling out of his pocket for her attentions. Again I agree with you, but she is so fogged out she cant see the crash and burn coming.

Rookie,

I talked to my attorney yesterday about restructuring our sep agreement. My WW wasn't very happy about the impact the move was going to have on her financialy. I think she was under the impression we would just divide the amount I was paying for both kids, and call it good. NOT!!! She has a financial obligation to the child in my custody as well. I think this was a much bigger financial bite than she was expecting. So, she is going to have her attorney crunch the numbers again, then I'm sure she'll want to negotiate the best deal she can.

My S is still excited about moving (I will pick him and his stuff up on Thanksgiving). I hope my WW, not wanting to give up so much child support, doesn't try extra hard to talk him out of the move, or worse, just tell him no.

hangon, I hope for the best for you on that one, but always keep in mind that it is about THEIR happiness, being the WW's, all the little baggage that comes with their decisions are nonconsequential, and are used as a hammer on us.

Sooner or later they do find out reality sucks, the more so the better far as I am concerned.........

Rookie,

As I feared, I got an email from the WW saying that now she thinks our S(9) is not old enough to make the decission to move in with me. She was fine with it, up until I told her what a financial hit she was going to take by my reduced child support. Her and OM are moving into a new place next weekend. She wants our oldest to move with her, and "give it a chance", but he still says no, he wants to live with me.

I replied to her email, telling her, "Just because your doing what makes you happy, doesn't mean he'll be happy", and she should "Let him make the decission, since he didn't ask for any of this".

She replied a couple hours later with "Fine, give me $XXX per month for child support". Not a problem. Sure it's a more than I'm required to pay (by state guidelines), and a little more than I wanted to pay, but who can put a price on their kids (besides my WW).

I will have my attorney draw everything up next week, while anvil is still hot.

hangon, I called her many names in my mind when I read your post, none of which I can post here....

Evil hearted, selfcentered...fill in the blanks, you know several of the words I am thinking right now.

We love our boys DESPITE what their mothers are.

Take care, if you need anything, e-mail me,

rookie3824@msn.com

Wanted to express my hopes that everyone here has the best thanksgiving possible.

If you are here, it is because things in your life at this point are not good, but it is a time to reflect on the positive. It is hard to realize that something good could come out of the situation we all are in, but here are a few things that have changed in my life as a result of my W's A,

1. My mother who I was rather distant from in the past has become a solid anchor in my life now, we talk daily and I see her several times a week. She is getting older, but we go to many places together now and it is a new relationship, we are very close now.

2. It is not that I was a solid alcholic, but since the start of my W's A, I have not touched alcohol. She used that as a excuse to justify what she was doing, and I decided to remove that one for her. I have realized that when I was drinking I did drink a bit too much and on a regular basis. I have not had anything what so ever since June 7th.

3. I have learned to pray daily and talk to God.
I was never religous in the sense that I would go to church, but I always had a belief in a higher being. I am still asking for guidance from the Lord and hope he sets me on the right path, gives me the courage to do what needs to be done and the stregnth to do it.

4. My two older kids from my first marriage have rallied around me. I was always too busy with work and my marriage(to my 2nd and now ex) to be there for them as they needed. We talk and do things together now that we did not do in the past.

5. I have found who my TRUE friends are. Many claim to be your friend to the death, till there is some advesarial situation in your life, seem at that time, that it is only the TRUEST of your friends that are left standing at your side.

So, when you think about it and start to cry in your beer this holiday, think about some of the positive things (if you can call it that) that have come about because of the situation we are in, and last but not least, be thankful for the people we have found HERE, many times in my deepest points some here have kept me going with words of advice and encouragement. No, it is not profesional advice most give here, but it is from the heart and through experience they give that advice and most of the time I found it to be more accurate than the professionals.

Hang in there,

DaRookie

Well said! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rookie,

I agree with Coffeeman, Well said.

You have been blessed Rookie, and you are just now beginning to reap those blessing. ENJOY

God Bless,

JL

rookie

i read your whole thread this evening. you and i have a lot in common. i admire you and hope i can be as strong as you as my nightmare continues to its inevitable conclusion.

i hope you continue to post here as i believe your saga is not over yet and i would like to see how in really ends

you have many friends here. happy T-day and God bless you.

stayin' dark. DD

Devestated, I had the extreme pleasure of sitting through a parent teacher conference this evening with the lil'darlin who walked in five minutes late and I was already engaged in a conversation with the teacher. The exwife's boyfriend had his divorce finalized today, so I guess they had alot to talk about.

It still pains me to see her and her smug attitude about the whole sitch, but, I did well, sat through the conference, hugged my son, told him I loved him and walked away as she stood there without saying a word to her.

She has called several times in the last week in regards to my son, I ask her if she is finished about the subject matter concerning him, then hang up, she is very much aware that I will not talk to her till the love fest ends with the OP as I have made that point very clear many times.

It takes alot to sit at the table with her and the son and think that last year at this time the whole A started, but life does go on and I am not going to be her doormat any longer.

Take Care,

DaRookie

Rookie
You posted to me the other day and I have a question. My WF and I are back together. I left him for about 2-3 weeks. During that time I found out the OW slipped in and was visiting him and they did the do.

All of a sudden OW broke it off the other day. Seems that OW H is coming home soon and doesn't want to have any lingering OM (she has had others also)when he does.

Caught WF sending her an email. To me, he was trying to convice her to come back to him. I confronted him. We didn't talk for almost a week. Begged me to come back. Realized error, indicretion. Says that still weak for her, which sickens me to hear. But Loves me. Should I go on revealing to my family and WF what is going on. Everyone wants to know what is holding up the wedding date and I don't want to say, "We are working through the garbage call ya back when it is cleaned up."

Right now OW isn't calling. Did once the other day and it sets him back when this happens. I want to go to those above OP to ask them to tell her not to call but fear possible reprecussions for WF and OW. I feel a little trapped. He seems to have started withdrawal but I don't want OW interrupting it. He began a time before and OW selfishly came in again. I've tried to reach OW H about 8 times now with no success. Can u shed any light?

free, I am not a couselor and anything I say is through the experience of this all and advice given to me by the great ones here, being the likes of TooMuchCoffeman, redhat coach and the likes. I have done a immense amount of reading on the subject and almost feel like I could do marriage counseling now, but if I was so good, why did my marriage go south, keep that in mind when I give my two cents worth.

Your other half is a cake eater, he has the best of both worlds and is now sitting on the fence. It might be time to knock him off it and consider plan B, but that is determined by how long you have done a plan A and how well you have done it.

He is still trying to contact her for whatever reason, but, do not believe a word he says, coffeman's line is the best on this and I qoute it very often to myself and others,puts things into perspective, "Your actions speak so loudly I can barley hear what you are saying", a very wise saying to remember. Words are very cheap, it is ones actions that speak volumes and you WF is speaking quite clearly, are you listening to what his actions are saying?

I would make every effort possible to contact the OP's H, very important, it puts pressure on the A and he will be you biggest ally as he most likely wants the A terminated as bad as you do. The information you both possess can be invaluable to
you.

I know you were contemplating marriage, in no uncertain terms ask him if he is out of his mind, but do it respectfully as they say. Without a doubt, till he sends her the NC letter which you yourself have read and verified that she has recieved and he makes attempts to set things right, marriage seems like a desperate move. It just tells him that you are ok with him messing around if you do that and you WILL continued to go through what you are now.

I really hope that coffeeman, redhat you guys are out there and jump in on this one, I think I am way in over my head here..........

DaRookie

P.S., My coffee has not kicked in yet, keep that in mind please.

Rookie don't worry that you were in over your head. You gave me some things to think about.
I did C OW H. The detail is noted in "Tips on how to contact OW H." Anyway he seems to be more upset with me. Said I had no right to tell OW H. When he was at an even greater wrong multiplied over and over again than me to do what he did. And definitely not in any position to even fix his lips to tell me what I didn't have a right to do. But whatever. Anyway I'm torn right now but resilient nonetheless. At a standstill. Thank you for your input. Have a great Thanksgiving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

free, yep, the wayward is always pissed when the A is exposed as it puts a real damper on their ability to sneak around as they always have.

I spoke with my ex over the holiday on the phone for the first time in awhile, I simply asked her if she had any conciense whatseoever and felt any guilt for breaking up two families, I got the standard reply from her, ye she does have a conciense, but it is me who should be the one feeling responcible for the break up of our marriage, uggghhh, why bother, but I did tell her that she was not the one who went to be tested for STD's, as I was not the one involved with anyone else, and that since she was with her alcoholic boyfreind I felt the need to be tested, phone did go quiet on that one.

It does piss me off that she is still so fogged that I am the responcible one for her affair and that the affair has nothing to do with the divorce and she continues to talk in circles with no thought of reality.

Da Rookie