My husband will not admit to an affair, He had one and I found out by finding a gift that I didn't get. He said he had no knowledge of it or how it got in his office stereo ha. He is now the most perfect spouse I could want. We talk but its dead end as he says nothing happened. I want to move on he is willing to see MC but that scares me as have read they can do more harm. He is committed to me and always I know has been to me and marriage. I just have real hard time with him lying to me and all those resentments that go with that. I would like to think there was a good reason for it but what? Can it work if I move on and accept he is now what I need and accept that he will never admit to me because I know he won't. I forgive him for an affair because I know why he needed it, not excusing him but I understand it. Where do I read about these plans? ANd can they work if one spouse denies the affair?? Thanks for any info.ALways interested in someone to talk to and can give email address if same situation as me.

I have an idea. It is sneaky, but it might work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Go get His Needs Her Needs by Harley and you and H read it BEFORE you start counseling. Sort of a prep to cut down the number of visits and save some money. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My bet is that as you two discuss your needs, your fears, and work on the marriage from that end, he just might open up. My guess is that he is lying to you for the reason most people lie. He is afraid of losing you, and he isn't very proud of what he has done. Now you also have to admit to the possibility that he is telling the truth. But since he has agreed to an MC, why not do this first?

Even if he never tells, it will open up your marriage if you both will decide to understand what the other wants in a marriage. You may yet need a counselor to resolve some of the issues the needs might bring out, but cross that bridge when you get to it.

See if he is willing to spend an hour or 1/2 hour a night doing this. If he will and you do, I think you both will learn some very important things about each other.

God Bless,

JL

Just learning, Thanks for advice. When I first found gift, we sat down and did talk about our needs and what we felt we weren't getting from each other etc. He said it wasn't because of affair we were talking he just wanted to help me because I THOUGHT he was having one. ha It helped and he started being very attentive etc and so did I. We did go through that talking . I wrote and also read some stuff from that book Harley wrote. You are probably right about why he is not telling me, I think he is just to ashamed. He really is a decent person that got into trouble i think. He is willing to talk as long as I don't accuse him of lying etc. He is a keeper I just need to try to get over this and move one as hard as it is. In beginning he went to MC with me but just sat there and our MC was so passive just asked me questons and none of my husband. A total waste. I did see one myself and then she moved out of state. Thanks for advice

Just learning, Thanks for advice. When I first found gift, we sat down and did talk about our needs and what we felt we weren't getting from each other etc. He said it wasn't because of affair we were talking he just wanted to help me because I THOUGHT he was having one. ha It helped and he started being very attentive etc and so did I. We did go through that talking . I wrote and also read some stuff from that book Harley wrote to him. You are probably right about why he is not telling me, I think he is just to ashamed. He really is a decent person that got into trouble i think. He is willing to talk as long as I don't accuse him of lying etc. He is a keeper I just need to try to get over this and move one as hard as it is. In beginning he went to MC with me but just sat there and our MC was so passive just asked me questons and none of my husband. A total waste. I did see one myself and then she moved out of state. Thanks for advice

confused lady,

You should changed your screen name ... you are not confused at all ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . It is not about A (mistakes) but about what H is going to do about it. You hit it right. Also in MB if you do 4 gifts of love ... Fillin ENs, Avoid LBed, Spending quality time, and Radically Honest .... and H lets you ... he wouldn't know what hits him. In Love would return. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

-rh-