Ok my WW went no-contact on me 6 weeks ago when she got dumped by her affair partner.

2 - weeks after being dumped I emailed her about some medical coverage items. She returned my email and was polite asking a little about what I was doing. I replied and didn't ask her about her life as I was giving her the space she asked for.

Now Week 6 - I emailed my wife about leaving her mail in the mail box this weekend for her and said I hoped she had a good vacation that was planned months ago before Dday with her sister.

She responded by telling me about her trip, a little about her week at work, her upcomming week, talked about a conversation she had with a mutual friend, hoped I was doing good twice, and some other small stuff.

Feels like the Fog may be clearing or am I reading this wrong???

I'm not getting my hopes up as I still think she had an exit affair but you never know I guess. I'm going to keep respecting her space and will continue to plan A when I can.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

Fog clearing? Sure. The op is nOT around to keep the fog puffed up.

Something to get your hopes up over?
Well, it's like this. Everything is happening as scheduled (re: it's happened a million times EXACTLY like this before).

Exit affair? Possibly. Can't really tell.
On the other hand, she may just have enough guilt/shame that she CAN'T come back into the marriage.

So take it slow. Don't bring up relationship stuff. Let her know, very gently, that you are there for her (if you are.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>Feels like the Fog may be clearing or am I reading this wrong???

I'm not getting my hopes up as I still think she had an exit affair but you never know I guess. I'm going to keep respecting her space and will continue to plan A when I can.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Reality Ray might peek through her thick fog once in a while, don't put too much into it. Da coaster might drop you spiral down next time. Like Chris point out, you have better chances since OM is gone.

From your posts, I don't beleive your WW's A is an exit affair. Exit Affair in one sentence is "She is unhappy about her life and she blame you as the source of her unhappiness and find someone else to fix it.". If this would be an exit affair, she wouldn't want even to be nice to you at all or give you any chance of filling her ENs regardless OM.

-rh-

Thanks, Just an update then I will continue this on the recovery board.

Well WW just picked up some of her mail which I left in the mail box. She knocked on the door and we saw each other for the first time since she no-contacted me 6 weeks ago.

Man did she look great. Almost like when we fist went out.

I told her how good she looked and she blushed which was a first for a long time. Then she began telling me the shopping story about her new outfit. A bit about her upcomming week and were she was off to when she left. She even asked me about my weekend. We exchanged smiles, good eye contact and I hope she felt the same posative and happy energy I felt.

She even mentioned calling a good friend of ours that she hasn't talked to since the affair came to light. This could be good as this female friend is a friend of the marriage and would be a great supporter of us getting back together.

I don't know if my WW is trying to keep this relationship together now that her affair partner has left the building? Or may be trying to test the waters of her potential re-acceptance back into our cirlce of friends? The friend she's going to meet is married to my very good friend and one word from me and my WW would be out of the picture forever.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>I don't know if my WW is trying to keep this relationship together now that her affair partner has left the building? Or may be trying to test the waters of her potential re-acceptance back into our cirlce of friends? The friend she's going to meet is married to my very good friend and one word from me and my WW would be out of the picture forever.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since you are sure OM is out of the picture, don't spread the A, make it safe for her to come back. She just broke her NC on you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... Baby steps ... don't read too much into it yet.

-rh-

redhat,

The only reason I feel the other man is still out of the picture is because his wife hasn't called me in the past 6 weeks. Last time I spoke with her was when the affair was over and they - the other man and his wife were going to work on thier marriage.

Right now at this point I'm happy being in the game again. My wife is a conflict avoider and I have always known that the only way for her to be able to come back is to leave the past in the past until she's ready to talk.

I'm ok with that, I know the affair happened and I'm more concerned about fixing the problems. I think to many people fail at this because the become to focused on the affair and not the marriage. JMHO

I will now show her the changes I've made for me and us if we get there. I will continue to be her husband and do everything I can to protect her and make her feel comfortable around me and interacting with family and frineds.

And most of all I will allow her to continue the control regarding our interaction. I will not chase her but will be here for her.

Any other stratagies would be helpfull.

You are doing good. Have you review your plan A ? and make sure she "sees" it ?. Hype up the tune of your plan A !. Meanwhile get busy with your life ... take this time to enjoy life actually.

-rh-

thanks redhat,

I'm now re working my Plan "A".

working on ways to show my wife my changes without looking like I'm listing them off.

I did tell her "to give me a call if your not busy this week". I opened the door now I have to see if she will walk through.

Baby steps for moth of us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>working on ways to show my wife my changes without looking like I'm listing them off.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You could point out what you do or would do also and hope she sees it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Keep us updated. -rh-

It does seem that your W is taking steps towards you and your doing a great job in avoiding all love busters.

But I would advice you to not be too accesible to her. I don't mean to avoid her but to avoid giving her the impression that your whole life revolves around you watching and waiting for her to communicate with you(NOBODY is attracted to a person like that, NOBODY). I suggest that you carefully consider implementing Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

<small>[ July 21, 2003, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>