I get home from work today and find a letter from kim that she's been to see a lawyer and is going to get the ball rolling. Not much I can say or do at this point, depresses me, but I will go see a lawyer tomorrow and see what rights I have and what can be done to protect myself. Sounds like we will probably just split things however we want and pay whatever the lawyers want. She asks me to email her on my thoughts. I would really love to see her face to face and read her a peace of my mind. I will not email or respond to one. Guess this must be what god intended for me in the beginning. Not exactly what I was praying for, but it must be for the best. The main thing is that she is happy doing whatever she wants, and I will just need to adjust to it. With god's help I will.

Tim,

My ExW got a lawyer & had done the paper work on September 2001 (say want a Dv many months before) and she didn't filed it until March 2002. Until the dotted line are sign and you got the Dv decree ... nothing is certain. I know the chances are slim but Thy will be done.

Yes, you have to see a lawyer and also if you can't, please do not file first unless there is an adavantage doing so. Just get a free bee advice and do the paper work ... I would not even pay the retainer fee at this point unless you want to file first.

Yes, you are in plan B. I would suggest you to resend a copy of your plan B letter and do not write anything else. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-rh-

Talk is cheap and this could be a ploy to get you to talk to her. But even if it isn't, then let her start filing the paperwork. So until you get legal confirmation that she filed for divorce, you should just continue with Plan B and no contact.

I definitely don't plan on filing first. Hopefully it is a ploy on her part, but it sounds just the same as when she first dropped this on me. Talked to my son a bit ago and she talked to him earlier and was wondering why he wouldn't allow her to see the kids. He told her she can see them anytime, just that the OM cannot be there because he doesn't trust him and because he is raising the kids with morals. She accused him of taking sides with me because I talk to him more and my son told her that I do talk with him more, but thats because she is always out at the farm and rarely stops by. He said she was crying when talking about this stuff. Maybe she'll start thinking about the big picture a little bit now. She still expects me to email her and set up a time that we can talk, I told my son that my plan b letter stated that she would have to make the contact if it was something important and I am standing by it. I'm sure she'll be real upset with me on this one.

sorry to hear you situation. I'm also a BS. My wife confessed and left to be with the other married man also. But he dumped her and now she's not sure what to do.

Anyway I have to agree with the other posters. Stay in Plan B. Talk to a lawyer but don't go spending any big legal bucks.

Let her push for the divorce if she wants it so bad. If she wants out let her put a signed proposal in front of you for your consideration. WRITTEN AND SIGNED, SENT BY HER LAWYER.

BTW- If she does see a lawyer this is how it will likely go.

Your wife - I want a divorce and my husband won't talk to me.
Her Lawyer - That's to bad. We will need to put a proposal/offer together and have your husband served. I need X$ to start this.
Your Wife - what if he doesn't accept it or make any changes in a resonable time?
Her Lawyer - Well will have to file a motion and maybe go to court. I need x$ to start that.

Before you have to spend money on a lawyer yourself your wife will already have a huge reality shock at the cost of her wanting this divorce right now. She will think twice I'm sure.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"She accused him of taking sides with me because I talk to him more and my son told her that I do talk with him more, but thats because she is always out at the farm and rarely stops by. He said she was crying when talking about this stuff. Maybe she'll start thinking about the big picture a little bit now."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The fact that your son made it plain to her that she can see her grandchildren anytime she wants and as much as she wants but without the OM present, definitely dashed any hopes she might have had for him to eventually welcome him with open arms into his home. It's one thing to divorce your spouse and to later establish a relationship with an OP, and quite another to have an affair with an OP and expect that it's going to be treated the same (can you say FOG? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

I keep being reminded in my mind that my wife says she pursued this OM. I wonder if this is an EA. Do things change any, say with plans a and b if its an exit affair? I may be getting carried away, but it seems like everything that has happened the last 3 months was planned by my wife and she doesn't seem to be changing her mind or looking away from her decision. Hopefully it is still just fog talk and actions, but I'm not sure.

Tim,

In exit A, there is no different. You have to do plan A then plan B (unless there is abuse or other addictions) ... it is just harder & longer.

-rh-

Redhat, ok thanks I think. Seems like it is running forever already and its only been a little over 12 weeks for me so far. Patience is definitely needed.

Tim,

On avarage for WW is 6 months into plan B before you should review it again and 3 months for WH. Anything longer than that your chances of recovering M is slimmer by day. I know it is hard but you have no choice but to go through with it.

-rh-

Thanks redhat. I know its a long road and even longer road when/if a person gets to the healing portion. As long as I keep my faith in the lord, I will draw strenght also. Its amazing how the mind works against you sometimes.

Got back from another weekend (possibly the last one depending what the pediatric says tomorrow about mri results) camping excursion. It was hot and steamy. Amazing no storms. Harder than ever on the body when you are out for an hour or 2, then have to go in to the ac to cool off and use the heating pad to wase the throbbing back/arm/shoulder. Still had a good time with great people. Better than sitting at home bored thats for sure. Prayed a lot and told god that I was putting this into his hands, he will do what is correct for both of us. Hopefully god can get kimberly to reaccept him in her heart. Still plan on sticking to plan B, have to make an appointment to go see a lawyer also to see where I stand, just in case.

I mailed a bill this morning. Drove by momma and poppa no morals and seen "his" vehicle was not there. Got to the post office and seen kim's vehicle was not there. I assume they are moved into the farm now. Not suprising, but still painful. Will be a day of a lot of prayers to keep the spirits up.

Tim,

Regardless what WS is saying ... A is her choice and nothing to do with you. Greive and let it out ... this is normal then shake all those feeling and face the future. You will see the future is brighter w/ or w/o WS.

-rh-

Amen redhat. Life goes on no matter what.

Haven't posted in a while and the way it looks like very many others have either. Not much has changed for better or worse. Still no contact. Stopped taking advil last night and even though the arm hurts alot, it almost seems better sometimes. Have the garden about 80% weeded, seems like even though it hurts to pull weeds (almost 3 months worth) I never hurt any worse afterwards. Thinking that the majority of the pain may still be stress related. Friday night at the talent show for the 6-16 year olds, Kim was there to watch our granddaughter and stood real close by. I never spoke and only glanced a couple times her way. The OM stood way back in the shadows, apparently my son's request that he stay away from the kids is being respected by him, but seeing kim so near and my arm tightened up and the pain was intolerable. Couldn't wait for it to get over so I could walk home. MAybe need meds for stress? I just hate taking even an aspirin. While weeding saturday morning found a nest with 5-6 little bunnies in it. Had to get the grandkids down to see them. They are burrowed in underneath a tomato plant. Now I worry about a big rain drowning them, but I assume the momma bunny and god will take care of them. If we do have a big rain, I'll probably be out in a muddy garden to check though. Got to the "root" of the problems with the weeds, hopefully god can get to the root problem and lead my beloved back to him.