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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208 |
I have read many times that the grieving process I'm going thru is normal and I will get better. My question, do the betrayers also go thru this? I don't think my ex is at all, but I feel he has lost more in this mess than I have. When will he feel some grief over his family?<P>AD
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Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
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Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075 |
Well, from what I've read about men and their way of grieving, sometimes they never do move through the entire grieving process and they are plagued with bitterness, depression, anger and other negative emotions due to that. And from what I've read and seen about betrayers and grieving, most of them do come to their senses eventually ... and grief may not start until then... Generally, the longer it takes, the less likely that they will ever be able to do anything about their mistakes...<P>I hope this helps.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 531
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 531 |
It is my opinion that the betrayers "pretend" not to grieve. I find it hard to believe though that they would not have some feelings of grief. I also think that as long as they refuse to take credit for their wrong-doing they tend to "block out" any of the feelings the btrayed feel-such as grief! I hope every betrayer feels shame and remorse for what they do-not just to their spouse but to all involved. It has been the worst nightmare of my life and I certainly hope that the OW feels at least as much pain as I feel-daily.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 208 |
Terri,<P>Thanks for your post, it makes sense. I feel that probably until the OP is out of the picture, they have a cushion, but when they lose them, maybe it will hit them. I just can't believe losing your family wouldn't cause them pain, but I know my ex hasn't felt as badly as I have.<P>Heartache,<P>I know what you mean, I have never been in this much pain in my life. I doubt the OW feels that way, why would she continue to help cause the hurt. No matter what, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.<P>AD
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580 |
I think the others are right about the op delaying the grieving. After all they all feel that the marriage was dead for a long time before that and now they have found "true love and happiness." <P>My ew can't understand why I'm angry and bitter. She said I should just "get over it." If it were only that easy!<P>I agree also that they will grieve big time when reality sets in on their "honeymoon." Then they will be the losers big time having lost family and friends.<P><P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>
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