While I know there's no real time limit, I'm just trying to figure one out for myself. I'm torn between waiting and potentially wasting even more of my life or just moving on. She or we are relocating in Nov to Miami and I'm not sure if I'm going yet or not and if we do get back together we'll need some time before relocating to patch things up.

I started Plan B July 13th (day after our 6yr anniversary) which has been no time at all of course. And wife broke Plan B by leaving me a letter saying she's learned a lot being on her own already so far, she isn't with OM or doesn't intend to be, she's been thinking of me and hopes I'm ok.

Guess I'm having a hard time figuring out if she's being honest or not. She can't do NC with the OM yet because he's still her boss until Aug 8th or so and she could be trying to keep me from telling the company and her losing her job.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong>She can't do NC with the OM yet because he's still her boss until Aug 8th or so and she could be trying to keep me from telling the company and her losing her job.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are enabeling her A ... you are excusing her and let OM has her. Sorry, I am harsh here. You are suck into her fog and buying it. Look, Would OM get fired too if the company find out ?. WW could do NC and tell the OM to buck off, she could take vacation and OM could take vacation so they don't run into each other. She is buying time.

About plan B ... you stay in it until there is comitment and willingness to work on M by MB principal & go to conseling or ... you could say to yourself that you have anything humanly possible to work on M but it is futile and you have no regret if you end this M. Each people has diferent time frame.

-rh-

That's ok, harshness is good and needed sometimes. I'm just still stuck in limbo as far as what to do for me and whether that includes her or not. I still haven't told the OM's W and considering the anonymous letter which unfortunately I know is enabling the A also <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know she's definitely buying time, just not sure if it's for a good reason or bad is my problem. It's hard to read people in the fog, but I'm afraid if she's in the fog she is probably buying time for the no good reasons.

Eduard,

Again I would let OMW knows and at the same time let the company knows too.

This A wreck you M and wreck yourself ... You have to send time bomb away to the A. People does what is working ... your WW walks all over you to continue her A. Now do you think letting this continue is working for you ?.

-rh-

Well, sent the contact letter to OM's W so she should be getting it within a day or two. Sent restricted delivery with signature confirmation that'll be mailed to me.

We'll see how things go.

Eduard,

Keep us up to date. This is one LB that you could do ... however remmember don't LB'ed when she comes and blew up on you.

-rh-

Yeah, I'm sure she'll try to blow up on me one way or another but we're in Plan B so hopefully it won't be directly. I told her before we did Plan B I would tell the OMW and wasn't sure if I could wait the 2 more weeks she wanted me to (4weeks at the time). I am honoring my word and letting her know before she receives the letter like I had promised.

I don't think I'd LB her if she blows up on me. If she calls I won't answer. If she shows up at the door, I'm not sure about that.

I do feel much better having finally sent it, now I'm just anticipating the repurcussions.

Well, OMW's W got the letter today. She emailed me asking for my email proof so I sent a couple of them off. Just waiting to see what's going to happen next......

Waiting is a hard thing to do ... just wait 'till OM/WW get the explosions. Hang in there and get ready to send the second bomb to the job place. I suggest you send it right 2 weeks time that she 've asked for plus 1 day. This would be the real test.

Meanwhile don't LB:
Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty

When she asked if you did this, don't lie just tell her that you can't take it w/ clear consience to let it burried for BW.

-rh-

Why did you start Plan B so soon?
Did you ssend a Plan B letter?

And wife broke Plan B

I told her before we did Plan B
Plan B is not a group effort. YOU do Plan B. If she does not abide by your wish to have no contact, then you do not listen or read her stuff.

Well, D-day was while we were on vacation. When she came back, we talked about separating for her to figure out what it was she wanted. She wasn't going to be able to do NC w/ OM for a month because of work even if she wanted to.

I think she decided to move because she wanted to make sure if she wanted to keep the marriage she would be 100% for it. I didn't want to be in between her not being sure and still having access to the OM and traveling with him (needed for work) where the A has occurred.

I gave her the Plan B letter. She came over one day and left a letter which I think she wanted me to know she was thinking about me, learned a lot being on her own so far and wasn't and does not intend to be with OM. Also that she is moving out of the office with him.

I would have liked to do Plan A for a while first before moving to B but didn't see it being a good route.

This came from her on Instant Messenger, no way of blocking that besides her ID

"Just to let you know my next two weeks of work is going to be HELL. I would of liked to end my job on a good note, not a bad one. I do not expect a response from you.......Thanks for respecting my wishes."

I'm biting my tongue and not responding. I knew there'd be backlash but I'm glad it's facing reality now.

Eduard,

She wants 2 weeks ... cut her a slack but ready to send that "SideWinder" missile the following day if she doesn't response. Meanwhile you never promise her not to tell OMW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... it is open game.

You are doing good by biting your tounge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , leave her alone. She would go nuts when OM LB'ed to her when he get your bomb. This way you get the preview of her intention.

-rh-

LoL "sidewinder". I don't think I can do that one. As much as I'd like her work to know, I think that would be the ultimate LB. Depending on how things go, I could ALWAYS do that one later on.

Thanks for the support Red <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 25, 2003, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

What I meant is 2 weeks + 1 day you are ready to "fire" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... -rh-

Yeah, but I think I had told her I wouldn't tell her work. Or at least that's what she thinks so unless something goes really really bad I will hold off doing so.

I had a slip up today, she called me 4x saying it was important so I gave in. Ends up she wanted to find out what I told the OMW's W because she called her. She then proceeded to give me the riot act and try to twist things to her point of view when clearly she was in the wrong. And how I had made things that much worse by telling her instead of waiting like she "thought" I was going to and didn't do what I said I would (when I did). That she felt threatened by OMW's W and how she has to work 2 more weeks with OM that will be like "hell".

I tried holding out on doing LB's but in the end couldn't. I had asked her several times for her address when she moved out, but she never gave it to me. She told our liason the other day she didn't feel comfortable in doing so yet.

I told her I'd let her know before I told OMW's W which I did the night before from an email from our Liason. She said "I thought we were supposed to do NC? That's the same as contact." And how I broke NC when I cc'd her with the Plan B letter to OM etc.

I also told her I had sent out the letter to OMW's W after not getting the address and she hung up.

The truth of the light can hurt........

<small>[ July 26, 2003, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

Eduard,

Yes, NC is important to avoid LB both ways. I would turn off the phone ring tone ! and let eveyone leave messages for the next 2 weeks.

If you are not ready to talk physcobable to WS then you should avoid contact.

Hey, my internet mobile wireless works inside the Pershing Auditorium <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... I guess I am addicted to MB. -rh-

3253 posts, I would say so! LoL

Psychobable is definitely the right term.

I am trying to volunteer as layman conselor in my church, the pastor that is dedicated for R conseling is over loaded. I am not ready yet but after my class ended next month I will volunteer to facilitate divorce/divorcing caring group. I know HE has a plan for me, I don't know what but I would know when HE is sending me to reach out.

-rh-

I think you are on the right track Redhat. I feel you will do a lot of good in helping people save their marriages the right way.

Through all of this, I have the feeling and need to reach out and help others.