The Plan B I did is as long as the Great Wall of China. But I didn't do a Plan A and it is way too late for that. I had to make my Love Bank Deposits in the Plan B. Her Goes:

Dearest Wife,

This is one of the most difficult letters I have had to write. It has taken me days to compose and only after many days of thought. As I have written in emails, our separation has caused me to do much introspective thinking about us and all the things that led to our separation. There is so much I wish I had a second chance to do. To do more with you, to hold you when you slept, to cuddle you when I had the chance, to tell you all the reasons why I love you as often as I could. I never really understood how much hand holding, caressing and hugging meant to you. I so deeply regret my part in creating an environment that tempted you to seek another man’s arms. My arms ache to hold you so much. That feeling never leaves me.

There much I love about you: your smile, the graceful curve of you lips, deep and beautiful eyes, your laugh, bubbly personality, the soft touch of your skin next to mine, your scent, your sweet voice, your enthusiasm, your never-say-die approach to life, the warm way you express yourself and your fun loving spirit. I never enjoyed life so much as I have with you. There are many, many good memories. Yes we had bad times, but the good times far outweigh the bad.

When I see a snow covered mountain, a beautiful sunset in Maui, the white sands of Gulf Shores, a water fall in Hawaii and narrow trail to Hanna, I’ll feel you near. I will think of you when I see rocky streams in Colorado and in Gatlinburg, and the Magic Kingdom or the deserts of Arizona and Carlsbad Caverns and yes, snow covered bridges in the mountains. All these would not be as pretty or romantic without you. You’ll be there with me when I see a parade, a fishing camp on the bayou, the Arches in Utah, the Grand Canyon and the great monuments of Washington DC and many, many more places and things.

This house seems empty without seeing you on the couch sleeping through a good movie, or snuggled up in bed, or painting and wallpapering with me. I see you everywhere: the curtains, your piano, and the clock my dad made for us, the little pig from the cruise, all the many pictures and memories of your family and mine plus the thousands of photos from our many vacations and honeymoon. I can’t imagine a Christmas and our beautiful tree loaded with ornaments of memories without you.

The separation and the prospect of living without you are very hard to bear. At times I think my heart will burst from my chest. My thoughts of you bring a smile to my heart and then tears to my eyes at what has happened to us. I love you with all my heart and soul and I truly believe that you are the love of my life. I loved you from the first time I saw you in your office. And I couldn’t believe how lucky I was once I knew you loved me too. Our love has been a true selfless love. It has endured much and produced the most wonderful daughter. We chose each other for good reasons.

There are things that I could not do with you because of my health and that caused you pain and embarrassment. I have worked hard to improve my heath and my depression to be able to do all the things with you that you like, and now I can. The road to health has been a hard and slow one. I have searched and studied anything thing I could find about reviving love and passion for each other in cases such as ours. I have searched for months for help with cases such as ours. Two weeks ago I found the help I was looking for. I am confident that we can revive our marriage, our love and our passion, but I can’t do this alone. In my heart I feel that you are mine and I am yours.

I know that I have caused you much pain because you believe that I hate everything you loved. You have said it, but that isn’t and was never true. I said it once, because something I read said I should not defend myself but agree with you. It was stupid since that isn’t how I feel. Honesty should have prevailed. When was ill and feeling sorry for myself, I became insecure and jealous of whatever kept you from me. But in truth, I have always been proud of you, what you do, how you do it. I was always your biggest fan. We talked about everything. I am proud to have you for my wife. When you withdrew from me, I should have asked you how I wasn’t meeting your emotional needs and told you what I needed from you, but pride caused me to hold back. This was a mistake. It only magnified the anger and hurt. I cannot change the past, but I do sincerely apologize for my part in hurting you. I can change the future. You are very special to me.

On our honeymoon in Hawaii, we came upon the Queen’s house in the hills. There we found a sundial that was inscribed, “Come Grow Old With Me, The Best Is Yet To Be”. Never in my mind did I doubt that we would be there for each other into old age and beyond. I still want this. I love you more than life itself, and I want more than anything to be with you always.

Since the separation you have seen changes in me for the better. I am making those changes permanent. I am trying to be the best person I can be. No, I am not perfect; I make mistakes everyday, but I feel I am a better person. I have thought a lot about our marriage and our current situation. You know some of my thoughts and my feelings. I I want to make our marriage the best ever, but we need help, a plan. I am committed to you and our marriage, but it takes both of us.

You have told me that you need more time and don’t know what you want. The difficult decisions you will make will affect you the rest of your life and that of Melissa and mine as well. I respect that you have taken time to think about your life; however, you have chosen to be with another man. I do not condone this, but the choice is not mine. You are the only person who can make choices for yourself. You are my wife, my lover and my best friend. I hope that what path you choose will bring you happiness and peace in the long run. May God give you the strength to choose wisely. I have only wanted happiness for you, because I love you and have so even in my worst moments.

I am still willing to totally commit to making our marriage a beautiful one again, but only if you are free and choose the same. I simply cannot do this until you completely stop all contact with Glenn. His ever presence has made our reconciliation impossible.

You cannot know the pain I must endure because you are with him. To preserve my love for you, I have come to a decision of my own. I will stop any contact with you. The current situation is hurtful and stressful to me. This erodes the love I have for you. This is not an ultimatum or a threat; it is only “no contact”. I know that I risk loosing you forever, but I cannot continue to see you without pressuring you to come back to me. If you choose to come back and help rebuild our marriage, I want to know that you have done it because you love me and want this, not because you feel pressured into doing it. I can’t play second fiddle nor will I. Until then I will avoid all contact with you except for emergencies and financial matters. Most of that can be handled by mail. Please leave your necessary messages on our home voice mail. Melissa and others that I enlist can be go betweens. I will get word to you. Leave me a voice mail on the phone when you want to come to the house and I will arrange to be gone when you are here.

The kind of love I have for you is a true love, a deep love, and one that took years to develop. As you can see, with all our love has had to endure that it has been strong and can be everlasting. I have been there for you when you have allowed it. It can and will be passionate again if and when you are ready to commit to it.

Glenn, this is for you: Your weakness hurts others. Your relationship with my wife is built on desperation, deception and lies. You are running away from your commitments, vows and love. Be a man. Get help for your problem and go back to your wife. She loves you but is afraid of you when you are drunk. I have talked with her a number of times and don’t feel she is crazy, as you have told my daughter. .

To you and any other man: Know that I love my wife and will be praying for her soul and her return. I do not give up so easily and I am strong enough to endure. Some may crumble but I will not.

Terry, All my love to you, and God be with you.

Monty

PS: Please save this letter. It may mean more to you in times to come. I will read it as well.

Monty,

I think overall it is a good plan B letter. However, it is a bit long. I do wonder about the wisdom of the last part to the OM. Harley does suggest sending a copy to the OP when sending to the WS, but this is a "love letter to your W", and I am not sure the last part fits that mold.

Remember you cannot educate your W nor the OM in these matters.

God Bless,

JL

Why no plan A??

I wouldn't jump in to plan B right from the start.

You need to Plan A first.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong>Monty,

I think overall it is a good plan B letter. However, it is a bit long. I do wonder about the wisdom of the last part to the OM. Harley does suggest sending a copy to the OP when sending to the WS, but this is a "love letter to your W", and I am not sure the last part fits that mold.

Remember you cannot educate your W nor the OM in these matters.

God Bless,

JL</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for taking a look. I'm glad especially that you pointed out the last part. I think that part of why I got into trouble with W in the first place. (sigh...) . Some times it's hard to keep up hope. It's really like not an affair so much as it is she's moved on with her life. My D ask W why was she leading me on for so long yesterday. My W said she would file for divorce at the end of August. That will be the required 6 mos. separation required in Louisiana for an immediate divorce.

The OM has been separated from his W for 15 mos. My W and OM are never apart. They were childhood friends too. They have been an item for the last 3 months. They have been secret I guess because there is no such thing a legal separation that allows intimace in LA. You're married or your not. She lives there when she doesn't have my D. They even eat lunch together. OM is depositing Love Deposits daily. I can't even talk to my W without her getting angry.

This Plan B is the last chance. I wanted to make it a good one. I will cut the 'digs' at the end and see if I can spot any redundancy in it to pare it down some. I wanted to say everything I said, but I can reword some of it. I wish I had found MB earlier before the separation. OM is a heavy drinker. Talked to OM's wife. She said he's great guy until he gets drunk, that was every day. I hope his shows this to my W before they get married. Maybe she doesn't care???

I am hoping against hope.....

They have been secret because what they are doing is wrong and shamefull. Get the affair out in the open. Everyone should know about it friends, family etc. But do it with respect.

As for your wife getting mad at or around you it's likely because your efforts are causing her confussion. Think about it, if your angry or mad at someone would you continue to reach out to them. Your also likely the only place for her to vent her feelings as the OM may not be as understanding towards what your wifes going through. If the guy needs booze to hide from his problems how well at giving advice and understanding can he be with someone elses (your wifes) problems.

If your going to Plan B then the only thing I can now suggest about your letter is remove the area dealing with the OM. This isn't a letter about the OM it's about you and your wife.

Much too long.

My W said she would file for divorce at the end of August.
That doesn't mean she will.

That will be the required 6 mos. separation required in Louisiana for an immediate divorce.
You are already legally separated? Meaning you have papers filed in court for legal separation, not just living apart.

I hope his shows this to my W before they get married.
Two divorces (his and hers) need to happen before they can get married.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>Much too long.

That will be the required 6 mos. separation required in Louisiana for an immediate divorce.
You are already legally separated? Meaning you have papers filed in court for legal separation, not just living apart.

I hope his shows this to my W before they get married.
Two divorces (his and hers) need to happen before they can get married.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife moved out on March 4th this year. I have not filed. I don't know if my wife has yet, but it is my understanding that I have to be served if she does. My lawyer told me that when I filed she would be served. His advice was, if there was no problems to file at the end of the 6 months for a "No Fault" divorce. That doesn't go to court. Papers are signed and filed and that's it.

I was hoping for the Plan B to work. That would be immediate gratification. But in the long term; W has lied to me so much during this separation I don't know if I can ever trust her if she comes back, because she can cover up any further contact with the OM... Her office staff helped her to cheat. They would be no help to me if she cheated again. Total honesty is required, Thats what worries me even more that the cheating. She has lied VERY well.

As far as OM's divorce. His W is wanting one for a long time, but he will not agree to $1K a mo. spousal support and wouldn't sign the papers. If she hired a PI now and caught him. She could sue for adultery and win the house, support and custody but just wants out. He is a drinker and abuser. But he convinced my W and D that he couldn't reconcile with his W is insane. I have spoken to her many times since the affair and believe she is OK. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors though"

(I'm not a lawyer but did find out some info)

In Louisiana, once papers are filed and you have live separate for 6 months THEN the divorce can be final AFTER you submit the papers. A response is not required from the other party (your wife).

Also, I don't believe it is a requirement to file at 6 months. You can sit on it for longer if you wish.

His advice was, if there was no problems to file at the end of the 6 months for a "No Fault" divorce. That doesn't go to court. Papers are signed and filed and that's it.
Not quite.

Again, this is AFTER you have filed and lived apart for 6 months. After this time, you file papers and a motion is filed with the court. Then the court rules on it.
You do not appear in court, but it does go to court.

I was hoping for the Plan B to work. That would be immediate gratification.
It sometimes takes a year+ for Plan B to work so "immediate gratification" may not happen.

But in the long term; W has lied to me so much during this separation I don't know if I can ever trust her if she comes back,
Of course you wouldn't just say, "I trust you" and then go on in your mariage. It is somethong they have to earn agin.

You don't just accept them back once they end the affair. When the affair ends, then this is just a STARTING POINT for discussion of reconciliation.

Many things have to take place once they end the affair.

because she can cover up any further contact with the OM... Her office staff helped her to cheat. They would be no help to me if she cheated again.
That is why a new job is almost mandatory as part of reconciliation.

<small>[ July 29, 2003, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

This is probably on the wrong forum but:

Thanks for the feed back. You have peaked my curiosity. This is what my lawyer told me the last time I talked to him, but not verbatum:

Louisiana divorce types of uncontested divorce with 'shared' custody are types 101, 102 and 103.

None of these allows for intimacy with any one else. You are considered married until the divorce is final. Any intimacy with others is considered adultery and if proven, (by a PI) the offended party can sue for divorce because of adultery have a divorce whenever they want. They will likely be granted some form of spousal support as well as keep the family residence as long as minors are living with the parent who has custody. This goes on through college. After that the issure of the house can be decided.

101 - filed at the beginning of separation. Done to protect both from each other debts that happen after the filing.

102 - filed sometime during the 6mos. of living separate and apart with no sexual contact. Again protects against debts.

103 - file after living separate and apart. Witnesses may be call upon to verify the absence and time it started. At least the parties are not required to appear in court. But I didn't know that the case goes to court. This is not supposed to go to court if both parties agree to a division of community properties or any other arrangement they make. AND there no child custody issues to be resolved. With shared custody each parent pays for the childs needs, when the child lives with them.

That's what I was told. I wanted to verify this with my lawyer but he is in court all day.

I try to find out more about this when I talk to my lawyer. This is just my understanding of what he said. It is probably more complicated than that, but I often just listen to the highlights.

This is probably on the wrong forum but:

Thanks for the feed back. You have peaked my curiosity. This is what my lawyer told me the last time I talked to him, but not verbatum:

Louisiana divorce types of uncontested divorce with 'shared' custody are types 101, 102 and 103.

None of these allows for intimacy with any one else. You are considered married until the divorce is final. Any intimacy with others is considered adultery and if proven, (by a PI) the offended party can sue for divorce because of adultery have a divorce whenever they want. They will likely be granted some form of spousal support as well as keep the family residence as long as minors are living with the parent who has custody. This goes on through college. After that the issure of the house can be decided.

101 - filed at the beginning of separation. Done to protect both from each other debts that happen after the filing.

102 - filed sometime during the 6mos. of living separate and apart with no sexual contact. Again protects against debts.

103 - file after living separate and apart. Witnesses may be call upon to verify the absence and time it started. At least the parties are not required to appear in court. But I didn't know that the case goes to court. This is not supposed to go to court if both parties agree to a division of community properties or any other arrangement they make. AND there no child custody issues to be resolved. With shared custody each parent pays for the childs needs, when the child lives with them.

That's what I was told. I wanted to verify this with my lawyer but he is in court all day.

I try to find out more about this when I talk to my lawyer. This is just my understanding of what he said. It is probably more complicated than that, but I often just listen to the highlights.

FYI: From Louisiana Civil Code

CHAPTER 4. TERMINATION OF MARRIAGE
Art. 101. Termination of marriage

Marriage terminates upon:

The death of either spouse.

Divorce.

A judicial declaration of its nullity, when the marriage is relatively null.

The issuance of a court order authorizing the spouse of a person presumed dead to remarry, as provided by law.

Acts 1987, No. 886,§ 1, eff. Jan. 1, 1988; Acts 1990, No. 1009,§ 1, eff. Jan. 1, 1991.

TITLE V - DIVORCE
CHAPTER 1. THE DIVORCE ACTION

Art. 102. Judgment of divorce; living apart one hundred eighty days prior to rule

Except in the case of a covenant marriage, a divorce shall be granted upon motion of a spouse when either spouse has filed a petition for divorce and upon proof that one hundred eighty days have elapsed from the service of the petition, or from the execution of written waiver of the service, and that the spouses have lived separate and apart continuously for at least one hundred eighty days prior to the filing of the rule to show cause.

The motion shall be a rule to show cause filed after all such delays have elapsed.

Amended by Acts 1952, No. 229,§ 1; Acts 1958, No. 331; Acts 1990, No. 1009,§ 2, eff. Jan. 1, 1991; Acts 1991, No. 367,§ 1; Acts 1993, No. 107,§ 1; Acts 1995, No. 386,§ 1; Acts 1997, No. 1380,§ 1.

Art. 103. Judgment of divorce; other grounds
Except in the case of a covenant marriage, a divorce shall be granted on the petition of a spouse upon proof that:

(1) The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously for a period of six months or more on the date the petition is filed;

(2) The other spouse has committed adultery; or

(3) The other spouse has committed a felony and has been sentenced to death or imprisonment at hard labor.

Acts 1990, No. 1009,§ 2, eff. Jan. 1, 1991; Acts 1991, No. 918,§ 1; Acts 1997, No. 1380,§ 1.

<small>[ July 29, 2003, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

WOW Chris - CA123, that is impressive and fast too. I think I would rather have you for my lawyer than the one I retained! I think he is blowing smoke.

If he's not giving you what you need (answers) send him a written letter and ask that he send you a written response and explain it in laymans terms. If he just quotes the law (as I did above), then that's crap. His job as a lawyer is to interpret & apply the law for you.