Has anyone contacted the H's OW for a confrontation? I haven't as of yet, but I really have the urge to do so. My XH already admitted to the A, so is there a purpose? Part of me thinks that I will feel better if I can tell her exactly what I think of her.

Any thoughts?

ConfusedWife...I confronted the OW and trust me, it was not worth it. Out of her venom and spite, I learned a great deal more than I would have ever thought of asking H. When I confronted H about it, he did not agree or disagree weth her comments, so it just made me angryier and sadder.

As a BS myself, this is the hardest thing to say. Do not blame everything on OW! Of course, they are somewhat respnsible, however, it was your H who made the decision to ave the affair. Confrontation does no one any good. It just prolongs the pain. do not and I stress to you not to put any worth into the OW. She was a convenience for your H (as is the OW in my H's case). If it wasn't (isn't in my case) her, it would be someone else. Trust. me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by confusedxwife:
<strong>Has anyone contacted the H's OW for a confrontation? I haven't as of yet, but I really have the urge to do so. My XH already admitted to the A, so is there a purpose? Part of me thinks that I will feel better if I can tell her exactly what I think of her.

Any thoughts?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought about it a lot and wanted to do the same. But then I thought; If it wasn't him, it would be another. It was my WS decision to leave home and then to choose to be with the OP and not me.

Besides, anyone who would come on to someone's spouse has got some character flaws and probably doesn't give a care about what you think.

WS's probably tell OP's all kinds of excuses to redirect the blame, justify running away and to not stay and help fix the marriage. The OP is just a catalyst, it was our WS who betrayed us.

But then, I am partly at fault for creating the "environment" for the A to start. But that still doesn't justify A.

Monty....marital problems if confronted and faced (via good communication) can be worked out. There is no excuse for any affair. My H promised, oh, he swore that he would never, ever cheat on me. Guess what, not only has he cheated, he has never returned yet. I say yet, because i always hold out hope. Yet, through all thise, I have tried to establish my "blame" and you know what....we can only be blamed for a lack of communciation in a marriage, not to the actual event of the affair. I, however, cannot agree with you more, the OP, whether it be OW or OM, would be another OW or OM...it is our spouces who chose to cheat.

yes i contacted the o/w by e-mail i was very civil to her i asked her to please stop all contact with my husband as i know he really loves me and his children and it was obvious because i kicked him out and he still had not made a commitment to her. he keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants but he still loves his family. he is very sad and upset now that i kicked him out. i know deep down you must realize he will not leave us for you. he says you are a good person. so i am asking you to please step aside and end it. we miss and love him. i guess this e-mail really bothered her and made her think my daughter allso sent one {the o/w father died a few months ago} my daughter said you know how it feels to loose your father. that is how i feel. how could you take a father from his family. any way if you do contact i think it should be by e-mail or letter. that way you can fix any mistakes. be nice, as hard as it is.you get more flies with honey. people react better if your nice. good luck to you, de

Contacting the OP is a real good question.

I did contact him, told him all I knew, he knows me and frankly it scared the sh** out of him, this I found out from his wife.

Did it stop him, NO, so what was the end result, they became more sophisticated in their communications, when it was brought up in a earlier post about someone who pursues a married spouse for a A there is a definite character flaw, very true, but, the door swings both ways, my W also has the same character flaw as she was a willing participant in this.

I feel there are more results in making the A public to the world, everytime they speak they have to wonder, everytime they face someone that knows they feel (what little feelings a WS can have) some embarassment.

So, if I had to choose if I was going to contact him or not, if I had the choice again, I dont think I would have done it, it would have made keeping track of what was going on alot easier.
Rookie

Did I read it correctly .. xH ?. Do you want him back ? what is your purpose ? What happen in your Dv ? whose fault was that ? any A ?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> -rh-