Can I get some help about exposure of the affair?

Hi TTH. I think you might have read some of my stuff earlier? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tell me what's going on today.

I gotta get a kid at school which will take about half and hour and then I'll be back for the afternoon.

C

first off what your spouse has said to you and will say has been heard by everyone on this board. It's refered to as fog talk. I like to call it justification talk. eg. I love him not you therefore what I'm doing is ok as it's about love.

You may also hear "you need to move on" "it's over" "nothing can change" etc.

If your spouse isn't remorsefull nd willing to break all contact and work on the marriage then you must let everyone important in your life know about the affair. family, friends, other Man/Woman's spouse.

The affair thrives in a bubble and the bubble and lack of reality is what drives it and protects it.

Now in saying the affair needs to be exposed always be recpectfull of your spouse and marriage though this will at times be hard. Ask your spouse how everyone should find out - her telling or you telling.

Don't slam the other person or try and tell your spouse what they are doing is wrong.

read and start Plan A, get books, work on yourself and before you do anything take some time to think about what your doing before you do it.

good luck

my WW confessed and left mid march

I told my W that I knew about the OM, but I didn't reveal how much i knew.

My W seemed to be ready for every step I was taking. At first, she agreed to NC for only a month. Then, she changed her mind and said she would only agree to NC when we were both at with a MC. Last night, she said that if she heard anything at the MC's that she didn't like, she was walking out of there. Women are so damn fickle!

I know that she has contacted the OM in the past 24 hours, probably more than once. I can't see her hand anymore. I can't contact the other man's wife, because she is out of town on business.

I think I need to expose to family and friends. I'm prepared to do both email and paper letters, and I think I need to do it today. I need help in what to say.

I also need advice about Plan A. She is being very cruel and vindictive...she saw that I went to this board and another one about saving marriages and she seems to know all the steps.

For anyone who is the betrayed spouse in a relationship, they can tell you, it is like a script. The WS says so many loving, comforting and supportive things (NOT), like:

I love you, but am not in love with you
I love you like a brother or sister (depending)
I never really loved you
They are my soulmate
I need to be alone and re-think my life
I never really wanted to marry
etc., etc/

I've heard them all (as well as every other betrayed spouce). Whjen they say fog...they mean it. And although they may not come out of it in time to save your marraige, well, they eventually do realize the errors and mistakes in such confessions. They are totally untrue.

I think my wife has read your script to me a couple of times.

I want to save my marriage, and I'm ready to take all the steps.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I think I need to expose to family and friends. I'm prepared to do both email and paper letters, and I think I need to do it today. I need help in what to say."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you MUST expose her A(affair) to close family and friends because it is an essential component of Plan A. Her addiction to the OM has been pleasurable because she has not payed for the consequences that exposure of the A to the world would most certainly bring to her. For example, if one of her goals was to introduce the OM to her close family and friends to eventually have them accept him as the new man in her life, that would be shot to smithereens by you exposing her A. Without support for her A by family and friends, the A is doomed and its demise greatly accelerated. But be ready for her wrath afterwards which she will definitely bring down upon you as she will find herself impotent to save face with her family and friends once they know the truth.

Don't forget to contact the OM's wife ASAP after she returns from her business trip.

Good luck and keep us updated.

OK, so what happened when you confronted her?

NC for a month is bunk you know. It means she's not commiting to ending the A - the emotional attachment - it only means that it's on hold.

OM and spouse are supposedly on vacation so he can break the news? How nice, that outta leave wonderful memories of a dream vacation.... good grief.

Where do you want to start? Exposure part of Plan A? That would be my suggestion since it's an event and not really ongoing. Let's get that out of the way?

Hi CoffeeGuy, was hoping you'd show up.

C

Trying,

Ya know, I bet the OM is checking his email to pick up messages from your wife.

How about sending a message like this one:

Dear OM,

Please think twice about ruining your vacation, and recommit to your marriage as I am doing for mine. The best thing that could happen to all involved is that we stop this fantasy and get back to the real business of making our own marriages happy instead of throwing them away. Think about it.

Sincerely,

me

The more you expose her the better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think the quicker you tell the better. That keeps you a step ahead of the game. In my case, OW wannabe had already taken steps with some people (including family) to discredit me and make me look manipulative. This was before I said anything. It was like a chess match.

Approach it like that. Anticipate moves, and have yours planned. Stay methodical and confident.

It's hard, but it does work. They will try to wear you out. Believe nothing they tell you, and only a bit of what you see. The game here is deceit. The affair was built on it and thrives on it. This will not disappear overnight.

TTH???

Let us know that you're ok. Ok?

C

I'm okay.

She's late coming home and I'm tense. I just sent out probably 100 emails telling all her friends, family about the affair and enlisting their help to end it.

I'm not sure what to expect. She might be planning something with the OM. She might not come home at all if she's mad enough. She might come home and throw a hissy fit and throw things.

I'm going to take a shower and head to the gym. All the coffee I drank at work today is helping to make my head spin.

Today, I tried to get more personal things done. I cancelled some unnecessary expenses like my racquetball club.

Before all this happened, I've been interviewing for a promotion. I've got an interview with the department head tomorrow afternoon.

I told some friends and my family about W's Affair. W was really upset last night and she started calling people herself to tell them that I was abusing her and that is why she is leaving. It hurts that my inlaws now think I'm the devil incarnate. Especially when I had such a close relationship with W's dad.

She is now making plans as fast as she can to move out. I'm worried about her safety. I don't know if she is planning on moving in with the OM or not.

In the next couples of weeks you will know who are your true freinds & families. Hang in there ... Note: I would not broadcast her A like that. Exposing A is to the closest families and freinds first, let the whole world find out later, yes you are trying too hard. -rh-