Last night on the way home from my pt, I was stopped at an intersection where a restaurant proudly stands that my husband and the OW frequent (I know this because people have told me they saw him there). I was overcomed by a fit of sadeness (after I was working so very hard not to be sade). At that point, I wanted so desperateley to call him and ask why????? I didn't, but it really made me sad for the rest of the evening. All I could imagine are candlelight dinners, nights in front of the tv watching movies and others romantic things. I go home by myself and cry. I read somewhere that owr imaginations are our worst enemeys, but still, me being nearly out of this one year should already be healing faster, shouldn't I? I want to get better, and I try so hard on this board to be stronge for peoples who are just "finding out". Yet, sometimes I feel that I am not totaly better myself.

I need adise on how to erase the images. Your input is much needed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resigned:
<strong>I need adise on how to erase the images. Your input is much needed.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are triggers and you know what they are. You should try to avoid them for now. For mine is household stuff that we bought and used through out our M. I send them all to Salvation Army and bought new ones. I moved to a new house, to a near by city, a new car. I even change my route to places where I 've snooped & spied.

Now I am stronger. It doesn't matter no more now but I need that in the begining.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resigned:
<strong> I go home by myself and cry. I read somewhere that owr imaginations are our worst enemeys, but still, me being nearly out of this one year should already be healing faster, shouldn't I? I want to get better
I need adise on how to erase the images. Your input is much needed.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I have gone thru... My triggers were in me. I remembered all the things I could have done but didn't and then the pain starts. I couldn't forgive myself for my part in the destroying our intimacy. So I did something I hadn't done in 45 years. I went to Confession (I am Catholic in case you haven't guessed) I told the priest that I couldn't forgive myself. He said I would be forgiven and gave me these words to read 2x's". I am not selling religion here at all but they read:

Prayer for Peace
Oh Lord make me an instrument of they peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring love,
Where there is resentmet, let me bring forgiveness
Where there is discord, let me bring unity,
Where there is doubt, let me bring faith,
Where there is error, let me bring truth,
Where there is dispair, let me bring happiness,
Where there is sadness, let me bring joy,
Where there is darkness, let me bring light,
Oh Master grant that I may desire rather:
To console than to be consoled.
To understand than to be understood.
To love rather than to be loved.
Because it is in forgiving that we obtain forgiveness,
In dying that we rise to eteral life.

Religious or aethiest, these words made me realize that I thought I couldn't be fulfilled without my wife, but I never realized that as long as I waited for someone else to give me happiness and self-esteem, I could never be strong, love myself and find peace. When I help someone in need I feel stronger, I like me and I know others will too because I am a good person. I don't need someone else to say it. If I have to, I can let go now, but I hope I get a second chance with my wife. In the mean time I do what I can to give me real reasons to like and love others and me too. Good things are filling my mind other than those bad images.

God Bless

Monty...that is beautiful and I know the prayer. I love it sung in church.

I carry away with me each night before I go to bed my childrens faces adn their cute little tidbits about their day. That makes me have a fit sleep. I try so hard not to think...and it has been happenening less and less. Yet, I think when I'm realy vulnerable, I break down a lot. Like I said, Monty, I am gettinb better, I just wish the sad episodes would go away completely. Do you think WS every realize the damage they do? I mean, I'm a pretty forgiveing type of person. I love my H and would give him a real chance if he would give a real effort. However, I need to be strong and survive thru this, if not for me but for my children.

Its only been 3 weeks since my ww left me. I've been staying busy and reading alot. I have spent more time with my kids than I have in a long time and we have built a stronger bond together. I get those images also, but usually when I'm alone. It hurts, but I recently read that the only person that can make me happy is myself. I didn't think much of that when I first read it, but I'm trying to live by that. I've been doing things that I like to do and I've made myself happier doing it. I'm not saying I'm happy, but knowing that I'm responsible for my own happiness, makes some days go by easier. I hope and pray someday me and my wife can reconcile, but if not I think I'll be ready to get on with my life without her. I know its a hard road we all have to travel in these times, but knowing I am the one that can make the difference is a truth I am trying to follow. I hope you will be able to get some comfort in this. I have found much comfort reading others threads and feel I couldn't have made it this far without this bulletin board...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resigned:
<strong> Do you think WS every realize the damage they do? .</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wonder myself. I think it depends on the WS. Mine is completely head over heels in love with the OM and is trying to get my 15 year old daughter to BECOME FRIENDS WITH HIM!!! WW seems to have made a Plan B before I did. She wants no contact of any kind with me the past month. Mine case is a different that most in that my WW moved out to think about things, met an old boyfriend and is completely taken up with him. I seem to be in the way. I should have gone into Plan B earlier (2 months ago) but I didn't find MB until about 3 weeks ago. Your WH seems to be tormented by OW and Plan B. My WW doesn't seem to be.

Is your WH living with OW?

Yes Monty, and it is torturing the hell out of me. For instance, last night while I was sitting eating dinner all alone (I came home from work late and the kids had already eaten dinner), I was sad. Every forkful of food was met with tears...I felt so lonely. I'm trying my best to be strong, especially for our children. SOmetimes I'm very successfu. Even when we're doing things, people say I tend to be preoccupied. I guess my mind is always racing. All I thought last night is that they are probably having a nice quiet dinner together, retiring to watch a movie and then cuddling together. The thought made me wretch up my dinner and I was so sad for the remainder of the evening. It really breaks my heart that he does this, but, I guess until someone comes along and sweeps "us" off our feet, it is just somewhat of a waiting game really.