I know a few of you know my situation as I've posted elsewhere, but since this is a different aspect of the situation, I thought I should start a new thread.

My H and I are trying Plan A. He had a short-lived affair with a coworker (didn't quite get to sex, but almost) and now he feels as though he is in love with her. We went down this SAME road before three years ago. We repaired our relationship and built an incredible marriage (I thought.) He acknowledges this is a major problem in HIM and is seeking help. For background, see my other posts.

My question today has two parts. The first will probably disgust a lot of you, but I hope that so many of you have been in similar situations, that you might have some insight.

He is absolutely grief-stricken. He just wants to hear her voice. He has agreed to no contact (which miraculously she is adhering to also) but it is killing him. He is not at all insisting on sharing his feelings with me, but I am trying to be as loving and supportive with him as I can. This is a lot like withdrawal from a drug. What can he do to get through this pain? Does anyone have ANY suggestions (other than castrating him so he can focus on another kind of pain)? I told him I would post this in hopes that some of you have some insight into this part of the equation.

Secondly, what can I be doing? I truly am at wits end here.

You all are wonderful. Thanks for your support.

Susan,

I think that antidepressants for the first month would work wonders. Infatuation works like a chemical, so perhaps another chemical can help counteract what's going on inside of him. We talked about narcissism, so obviously, he wants this to be about him, but I'm most worried about you. Who's helping you get through this? When you feed into this equation....what are the results? I found this article for you that talks about the The Extramarital Narcissist . I think it is full of information you can use. And I really think, that you should get help from a professional to deal with his problem so that you don't unwittingly make it worse.

<small>[ August 02, 2003, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>