H called this AM to say that he was ok. I thought that was considerate. We agreed to meet for lunch. And we talked about nothing and than about what he planned to do about this weekends visitation. He didn’t know. Than we talked about how this whole situation is out of control. I told him it wasn’t his fault, than I said than again if you had of told me that you wanted to do something or someone else, maybe things would have been different, I talked about how ow nor mil have any interest in this. This is our m and our C. I asked if he was into ow, he said he didn’t know. I asked if he loved her. He said no. I said right now you just like her more than you like me. He said he didn’t want to answer that. I told him that ow stepped over the line w/ statement (don’t like me/don’t bring kids around) I said I was not digesting the statement well and I was not going to deal with her, because she had no right. And further more, that statement doesn’t sound like a woman that’s going to stand by your side and help you fight for whatever it is you need to fight for, she doesn’t want anything to do with your children. And I used every polite thing I could to bring to his attention the devastation that this is causing. I could see his pain or frustration or perhaps confusion w/ the whole thing, I told him you have stuck your foot in a whole pile of $h-t and you’re about to drag all of us in with you. He said no I’m not. At one point he held his head down and said what have I gotten myself into.

Yesterday..he actually said something like if we get back together fine, if not I'll just take care of the kids...but weeks ago he would have never said anything about us getting back together.

It seems like he has just started to care a little about what I think and how I feel, it was time for him to go back to work but he wasn’t rushing me and I don’t know at what point in the conversation we where in, but it got to be too much for me and I could feel the water coming so I started getting my stuff and by the time I got up from the picnic table, I’m sure he could see the tears but I just walked away I never looked back – I always look back. Ok, I did look in the rear view mirror to try and see his reaction. He looked just a little better than I did. And where as though I never look back – He never looks for me to look back. Today he watched until my car reached the end of the driveway. The only thing I haven’t done was ask him to stop it and come home. Should I ask him to stop it and come home – I think he’ll say no…right now he claims to have no where to live but have chosen other options b4 me. Of course ow lives w/ her mom and that is never going to work because of c. So, I don’t know I think plan A is dead is it time for plan B and if so can I get some plan B advice does it need to be a letter or can it be done in person…I think I have to see him Friday it’s the only way I’m going to get CS, and I want him to keep kids at least on Friday. I can give letter or tell him on Friday or Sat.