I have been really incorporating the tools from plan A, and at times it seems like everything is going so well. There is open dailogue, mutual understanding, respect, and even some admiration. The next day there is bitterness, rashness, aggressiveness in communication, disrespect, and belittlement. The thing is that it is so hard to maintain knowing that this is the pattern. I need extra patience, and extra longsuffering. Some days it's; "hello, and how was your day", and others it's not even a nod as she leaves the premises. I know I see opportunites where there is progress, but it seems like we take one step forward, and one or two back.

My thing is to stay focus on the things that are positive, and the things that are a sign of victory. I was wondering if perhaps any one else had been in a similar situation as this, if so please give feedback.
Thanks.

I think many of us just don't get our WW spouses much of the time.

Plan A is a tough road because it goes against our natural reaction to fight back when were hurt or threatened. But we must hold the line and work our Plan. Remember Plan A is about us the BS.

Your wife is partialy treating you badly because it allows her to control you or the situation. She swings, you duck and swing back. I bet at times it feels like she's looking for a fight. Just politely walk away. Vent your feelings some other way but not towards her.

I think it's also a result of Plan A as it make the WS confussed. They are likely expecting the BS to go nuts emotionaly. Fight, argue etc. Which gives the WS some justification that the relationship is flawed. Look at it this way.

You and I are married. I want to leave or find some reason to leave what better reason than "I've tried but all you/we do is argue, it's to stressfull". Get it. IF you take away the arguements, stress and improve yourself then the WS has to look at themselves more as the problem.

As for your calling it a pattern. Remember it's her pattern not yours.

I am in B now but my W was similar though my Plan A.

Depending on your overall mood etc., you may want to consider an anti depressant. The reason I say this is that I was not on them for quite a long time and was able to ride the roller coaster without falling off - but it was VERY hard. Like you said, sometimes its good sometimes it is bad. An anti depressant can cut off those highs and lows so you are more rational and calm about the scenario. My dose is very small, just 5mg of Lexapro, but enough to help me focus and not get too sad on the lows and not get too excited on the highs.

Never thought I would ever want/need an anti-depressant, but it is really helping me keep my cool though such tough times.