While I continue on a very rigorous course of Plan B, I'm feeling a bit left out with regard to my own EN's. I'm losing control as to the loss of my own needs benig met. While my H lives with the OW and his EN's are being met, none of mine are even touched.

I feel left out, abandoned and looking to have them filled. I do not want to give up my marriage, but, when the other person who does enter my life to at least fill my EN's, aren't I giving up on my marriage.

I feel like I deserve to have someone as well, even in the interim. I'm caught in the middle of how I feel and it is not a pleasant experience. Any attention is something and I do not want to make the wrong decisions in entering into a new relationship.

I have found in a coworker a very good friendship. He would dearly love for me to give him the okay to take it one step further. I'm very tempted. I see the signs of everything which is "not MB material" in this brewing relationship. Yet, am I wrong to want someone for myself. While my H is testing the waters with another woman, should I remain alone.

I need some guidance on this. This co-worker is just waiting, patiently for me to give the okay for him to proceed. Yet, I feel there is a thread of home for my marriage. What should I do?>

Resigned, it appears that I have been accused by my H (who is on this board, but it unknown to me) that I am you. I apologize for this error as it seems that, according to my H, our stories parallel. I wish that you would clarify that you are not Karena and explain your story more in detail, possibly even e-mail him directly.

Many thanks for your help.

If your EN starved and you are finding it difficult not to give in to this male coworker, then consider the following:

1. If you give in and have an A of your own then you will be losing all credibility with not only your H but with yourself as well.

2. This coworker is no friend of yours if he is fully aware that you are a married woman going thru this terrible ordeal. He is an emotional vulture that has smelled a wounded person and is circling just waiting for the right time to strike.

3. You could become addicted to your OM just like your WH is addicted to his OW.

4. Unless you don't care, then you are going to have to expend a lot of effort to hide your encounters with your OM. You are going to have to lie and deceive close friends and relatives about your A.

5. Even if you divorced your WH overnight, would you settle for a short term fling? because that's what rebound relationships usually turn out to be.

I seriously hope that you give those points some serious thought before you decide to do something that you'll deeply regret later on.

Resigned, I must agree with TooMuch, it is dangerous territory you are lurking around. If you want your marriage, you have to work on it. I've often felt lonely and feel somewhat scared most of the time. I continually question, I guess it because I care that I wait. I understand the "timeline" as well. How long does one wait? What happens when en's are not met? How do you get them met if not by another person? I agree that OM/OW are no better than some of the sexual predators we hear about on tv. While they are no worse, they are no better. It is difficult to put aside emotions when they seem to be the prominent aspects of our lives during such a turbulent time. Revenge is often a factor as well. I can sympathize with your feelings, as I often look up and ask how can I get through another day. Why am I so lonely and he is with someone? Will it ever get better? I keep hoping, so I hope you do to.

Resigned and Karena I hear both of you and I do sypathize with both of you.Do any of you have children and what are their emotional needs. Do their dads realize the ultimate abandoment and devasation that they inflicked on their children. Are you getting them any help while I do agree that your emotional needs should be met I can't help feeling for the children. I know they must feel the lost just as much as you are. When men leave their wives they should not leave their children. It is an emotional time for all. Irealized my mistake before it was to late the pain I caused my family was devastating the emotional turmoil to my wife lkwho had to deal withmy children on her own broke my heart. I know Iam not focusing on the two of you right now but who is speaking for the children. Who do they write to and who do they talk to. My wife was emotional unstable herself. So please get your children help. This will affect them the rest of their lives. In the mean time you do what you have to do to get throug this.