Hi everyone. My wife is coming back from her trip to Florida tomorrow and I've got plan A on the brain. We've been separated for 10 weeks and she's planning on relocating to "start her life over". She tell me that it's over between us and she has no intention on trying to work things out.

I found out about some emotional affairs that she had with a couple other people earlier this year and couldn't handle it so I treated her badly up until I moved out. She claims that I started it with a similar relationship I had a year earlier. And although I admitted it and sought counseling for us right away at the time, she kept her outside relations a secret.

Anyways, I'm better off is what I've learned by being in plan A. I'm learning about myself and what went wrong in our relationship. I hope she is doing the same. We've got to work through some difficult tasks ahead, such as selling the house and splitting things up. I'll try and make things comfortable for her going forward and put the rest in God's hands. He knows what's best for me.

I love me wife and she is the most important person in my life but I can't hurt myself anymore by believing that I can fix everything on my own. It takes 2 people to start a relationship, to screw up a relationship and to work on a relationship. I'm ready and willing when she is but in the meantime plan A is all about me and getting back to the basics of who I am.

Thank you all for helping me get to this realization!

Coughlin,

Rememeber you have to protect yourself financially and legally ... PLAN A IS NOT ABOUT BEING NICE. It is very specific actions to show changes to W about the problem in past that you have created. Most of the time it is a very positive changes for you be a better person. Don't be afraid and don't be complete doormat, if it is not in LB list and not in your Plan A list ... stand up and push back (w/o LB).

-rh-

We've got to work through some difficult tasks ahead, such as selling the house and splitting things up.
Why?
Are you/do you want a divorce?

Chris, no I don't want a divorce but she wants to sell the house because she feels as though we couldn't be happy there and she can't afford it by herself. I'm living in an apartment and while she was away I met with my lawyers to prepare a separation agreement for her to present to her lawyer.

All along I've been hoping that she will have a change of heart at some point during this process towards divorce. She will say something nice to me and then add a disclaimer that "I shouldn't get my hopes up" or "Don't get the wrong idea." One of the things she said to me before leaving to look for a job in Florida was, "I talk about a lot still and some of the fun things you've done and said."

I won't lie, those words meant a lot to me but actions speak louder and she is away right now looking to start over explaining that it would be too easy to get back together and try with us.

It's this kind of mumbo-jumbo, backwards logic that has drove me crazy these past couple of months and instead of trying to decipher it, I've decided to focus on me.