I talked to Harley this morning about my situation just to get his take on whether I should be in Plan A or B. Most have said I should be in Plan B even though I didn't have a chance at a good Plan A. 'The die is cast' I have to be in Plan B in his opinion.

I have mentioned my WS surgery and should I be there or not. He said I should break Plan B for that one occasion even though it would cause setbacks in the plan. The reason being is because if I don't show a lot of concern the OM will be the only one that does. He also suggested lots of flowers and teddy bears. Things that would stay in her hopital room and remind her of me even when I am not there and the OM is. Of course he told me not to go there when OM is because it would hurt me an cause tension with WS.

This is going to be hard, everything looks so bleak and I am so down but I can't afford to let it show. WS is really enjoying my NC because she can really enjoy the OM now without any interference from me. D told me OM is feeling really good about the NC as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sometime I wonder if God's trying to tell me to let go. So far nothing positive has happen the last 5 1/2 mos. and D is telling me that WS is wanting to file for divorce at the end of August before her surgery. WS and OM are tired of keeping there relationship secret. OM and WS will be completely free to enjoy each other out in the open once the D is final. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Harley is telling me to do what I can to stall the D as long as possible while reminding WS that there is a way though MB methods to resort the love and passion we once had. So far WS finds it much easier to stick with OM instead of loosing him and risk failure at trying to fix our problems. Well it is in God's hands now. I can't do much more than sit tight and do the best I can to show my concern when her surgery comes.

Monty, did you ask Steve Harley what you should do if your WW rejected your presence at the hospital?

Monty, although I have not followed your story completely, there is something that caught my attention. Your W and OM are keeping their relationship a secret...expose it. The entire "fantasy" aspect of their relationship is the secrecy....let them experience reality and see how society truly treats those who are involved in a secret liaison. Once reality hits home, their relationship will be subjected to the strains of "everyday" life. That's when the fun begins. Expose it, if not for anything. I'm in Plan B Monty, and trust me, it is not easy. However, it does provide some stability; the pain of going back and forth, up and down, and exposing yourself to pain and humilitation. I will keep you in my thoughts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>Monty, did you ask Steve Harley what you should do if your WW rejected your presence at the hospital?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I asked because there is a fair chance she might object. Harley said it important for her know of my effort and desire to be there for her even if she rejects it. He suggested that anytime I go, that I take my daughter. It will be harder for WW to reject me in the presents of my daughter. This will be at time the OM is not there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by karena:
<strong>Your W and OM are keeping their relationship a secret...expose it. The entire "fantasy" aspect of their relationship is the secrecy...

...I will keep you in my thoughts.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Harley told me. I should do this yesterday. I have done this but when it came to telling WW, I knew my WW would rage so I held off thinking she would change her mind. This was a BIG mistake. I have a letter I made up last night to send to her today informing her that I have told everyone, how I proved it, how long it has gone on and who the other man is. I guess "stuff" will hit the fan soon.

Way to go Monty!! Although I somewhat regret how I "informed" everyone, I do not feel bad that I did it. My ultimate goal in doing so was not to harm anyone (yeah right), but rather to put a balm on my wounded pride. Why should they be experiencing the "joy" of a new, fresh loving relationship while I was left to pick up pieces. Like I said, I regret my methods, but never the outcome. I was hurt and I wanted them to hurt. In the beginning, they will rant, rave and everything else. In my opinion, the effects of telling everyone is not immediate, but it does damage the "bubble" of secrecy.

Monty, I can both sympathize and empathize; when the love is there, the pain is its companion. I'm thinking of you and hoping in the end, your strength will overcome all obstacles.

Let's keep something perfectly clear in mind. Exposure of the A(affair) to others is NOT to get back at the affairees. It is to inject a lethal dose of reality to their fantasy relationship which their affair is, and thus quicken its demise. Sure the WS will royally pi**ed off but that is is his/her problem. You see the BS(betrayed spouse) is not the only one that the affairees have lied to for their is a pretty good chance that their closests friends and relatives have also been fed a bunch of bull about their illicit relationship in order for them to be accepted without any worry of being rebuked. Exposure of the A(affair) leaves them exposed like the pair of liars that they are and they will probably not feel comfortable going back to them for future visits. Sure there are going to be people that will accept them but even there they will still have to be walking on egg shells as far as any comments they make for fear that somebody might take offense and throw back at them what they are doing. So no matter if those closests friends or relatives accept them, the strain of having them know the truth will put a heavy burden on the affairees and their relationship while they are still together.

Monty,

I am glad that you talk to SH. It is very crucial when you are banging your head against the wall you contact the prof. Specially to determine when to go to plan B and review your plan A. Defenitly you need them when you have to break plan B even for a bit.

Thanks for the update. We learn a new thing every post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . One thing that throw me a bit is that bringing your D with you to see her. I guess SH had asked you what do you think about it. WW could disregard D and unintentionally do harm to her emotionally, it happens w/ some WW.

Yes, I agree absolutly with TMCM. Actually as soon as D-day, if WS doesn't turned around NS should opened it up in the open otherwise you just enabling the A (in WS's eyes). Definitly is should be done way before plan B.

One good thing that you are in plan B now, you don't get the [censored] when it hit the fan and let her make the choice.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>Monty,

Yes, I agree absolutly with TMCM. Actually as soon as D-day, if WS doesn't turned around NS should opened it up in the open otherwise you just enabling the A (in WS's eyes). Definitly is should be done way before plan B.
-rh-</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I regret that I didn't find MB early in the separation. I would have done a lot differently. Many have given me support and hope. I am not alone.

It is my hope that my WW sees us as a family with my daughter at the hospital. If it goes badly, I won't linger there or subject my daughter to it a second time.

Keep us updated with your visit. I hope also your WW would not have harden heart. Whatever happen in the visit bite your tounge and cut it short if it goes south.

Hang in there. -rh-