I am so confused. Hopefully you can help me and set me on the right path. First, I am not sure if it is too late for Plan A. My H is in denial that he is having an affair. He spends more time with this woman than me and he has feelings for her. He thinks because it not physical it is not an affair. I have asked him to end all contact with her and he will not. Unfortunately, he has already moved out of our house. I asked him to because he was lying to me and not coming home at night and I couldn't live like that. Second, I am really have a hard time avoiding LB. I know its horrible, but I just get so angry at him for leaving me and our 4 month old daughter that it just takes over. How can I pretend that this doesn't hurt me? I have told him I want to give him everything that he was missing - but he has to give me chance. At this time he refuses to do that because he says he doesn't feel like he belongs with me.

Is it too late for Plan A? Am I already in Plan B? How do avoid LB when I want him to know what this is doing to me? Should I avoid physical contact with him? Yesterday after he told me he wanted a divorce all he wanted to do was hug me and I refused.

Avoiding love busters (angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, dishonesty, independent behavior, and annoying habits) is an essential part of Plan A. Love busters withdraw love units from your H's love bank and over time will close his love bank permanently. It's impossible to do Plan A if you are resorting to love busters against your WH.

You are not in Plan B because you have not given him a Plan B letter stating that you love him very much; you know that the marriage can be rebuilt by the two of you enthusiastically following a marital recovery plan that incorporates The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage but because of the pain that his continuing involvement with the OW(other woman) causes you, you need to end contact with him (except for child related issues). The Plan B letter is what makes Plan B different than a simple separation.

If his touching you causes you to lose it and start love busting him, then yes it would be prudent to tell him to please not touch you for it is hurtful. You want to avoid all the things that can trigger you to love bust him and that may include hugs and other physical displays of affection.

If he once again threatens you with divorce, consider conveying to him the following in a calm and respectful manner:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H I love you with all my heart and soul and if being married to me is the source of your unhappiness then I don't want you to suffer any longer. Go ahead and file for divorce.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then leave him alone to ponder your words. There is a good chance he used the divorce threat to quiet you during an argument, but that his heart is not really wanting to end his marriage with you. So until you are served with divorce papers and the divorce is finalized, then don't beleive his threats of divorce.

Ditto TMCM. You are not in any plan at all. You need to get plan A started unless there is a danger of physical abuse or he is hooked on substance. It is never too late.

-rh-

He is not abusive in anyway. But I know for a fact that he will not stop seeing her. I have already asked that. And he will not come home because being here makes him so unhappy. And he really doesn't want anything to do with our marriage. I feel like I need to go to plan B - but I really don't see how that will be possible having such a young child. But I think I am willing to try. What should the letter say?

Purchase Dr Willard Harley's book 'Surviving An Affair' and inside you'll find a Plan B letter that was used by Jon (the betrayed husband) to give to Sue (the wayward wife). Just change the names and you have a ready made letter that you can give to your WH(wayward husband).

I copy from star*fish's post and hope it is not patented ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Let me give you the guidelines for the letter:

Things that need to be in a PBL

• I love you.
• I married you for life. I want to stay married to you
• I am willing to do what it takes to be the spouse you've always wanted and to address the things I did wrong in the marriage.
• The affair/neglect/abuse is so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you.
• As soon as the affair/neglect/abuse is over I would love to talk with you about our future.
• Until that time please respect my wish for no contact whatsoever
• In an emergency you can reach me through______.
• Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances are_____.

It should be short and non-accusatory. The point of the letter is to let him know that you love him forever and want him to come home, but that you want to protect the love you have left before his actions destroy it completely.

I'm so sorry it has come to this. But some time to spend concentrating on yourself and protecting your feelings, may be just what you need. There is alot of support on this board for folks in Plan B. Everyone will help.

--------------------</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Or just follow TMCM's ... specially when you are hurting and your brain probably were cooked by this mess.

-rh-