Thanks for the responses!

Quipper - Hello! Thank you for your thoughts and concerns over the past several months. I have been lax about posting because things don't seem any different - I have been coaching with Cerri from Just Found Out section and have been concentrating on that. I just needed some feed back on this particular situation - to see if anyone has any good news regarding marriages of WS's. I know I did the right thing - just wanted to see if anyone else had experienced the same thing.

As far as your questions - I will try to answer them. Child support - he is paying very well right now but I do have paper work set up with Child Support Enforcement so I don't have to rely on him anymore. Common Law marriage is not a law in New Mexico - so I have no spousal rights.

It was very hard to sell my snake - she is a beautiful 11 foot python. Very tame and loves people. But I was offered a pretty penny for it and felt it would have a good home and I wouldn't have to worry with housing for it. As for the house - it has been on the market almost a month with alot of activity but no offers yet - I am hopeful though.

I will move in with my sister for now - and then either I will get my own apartment here in Albuquerque or I will buy another house.

The only time I had with WH is when he was coming to the house to see the baby. But now that I am in Plan B - I see him when I drop her off at his grandparents and pick him up. I have only been in Plan B for two weeks now. So this is all pretty new. I will hopefully not see him at all after we get a schedule down. But I don't talk to him either. I did however leave him a letter letting him know what new words our baby is saying now and what she has accomplished and so on. I plan on doing that every week. I think it is a plus for the ol' love bank?!?!

I do feel that I have little power over the situation right now. I am on the verge of crying most days - I don't understand and am a person who likes answers - which WH cannot give right now. And now that he has married OW - I have very little if anything to say to him. What are you thinking my powers are in this situation????

Hi Cajeanie! Thanks so much - you are so kind. "Fogheads" - love the term!

I am working on me! A little at a time. I feel deep down that this relationship will not work between them - but it is very hurtful.

I appreciate your words of encouragement and understanding. I do truely love him more than anything. I understand people not wanting to believe in him - he hasn't given anyone much to believe in - but I do know a different side - a good and wonderful man. Granted he is not that man right now in any way but he was and can be again. Thanks for understanding.

Hi Startinover - I appreciate your concern. It is a tough one - I know that the odds of him being faithful are slim - but I am praying for a miracle - God can change anyone if they are open to it. I know you feel that I am overlooking his obvious pattern - but as I stated earlier he is a good person. I do think he needs counseling to find out why he does these things - I think it is an addition as is the affair, as are drugs and alcohol. So I hold out hope. I know that hurts you to hear me say these things but I feel with everything inside me that this is the man I am meant to be with. Maybe the timing was wrong or I don't know - but I think that with counseling and renewed committment we can both change for the better. Who knows - I may not even have another chance. Rest easy - I will not just take him back without alot of counseling and guidance!

Thanks everyone!

cnf......Im gonna say one more thing....I know you probably dont want me to write another word. Open your eyes dear....how many hints do you need that he is not the one. "IF" he was, he would not have got ya pregnant and NOT married you and he would NOT have left ya to marry another woman. Its purty clear to me. I will leave ya alone....its your choice. I just pray you do not allow yourself to be hurt anymore by this guy. God Bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

EXbf.....2 kids by HS sweetheart....cheated on her and had a 3rd child by another woman. Dated you and had an affair several years ago......he has a 4th child by you. Umm....ding, ding, ding........4 children by 3 different woman and he cheated on all of yall the whole time. Ding, ding, ding........A TIGER DOESNT CHANGE ITS STRIPES. His poor decisions are part of his personality

I don't come here for this type of advice. No one does. We all want to here that our WS will be at our doors crying any day now. But each case is different. Yours is especially severe, because you now need to realize that you are the ow. It is sad that he has put you in this position. I have to tell you that I feel like the ow sometimes. When my wh is not home and I know that he is with her, when he doesn’t call and say goodnight to the kids and I know he is with her. When I check his account and see that he’s been to a restaurant…I wonder did he go with her. I’m sitting at home with his kids and I’m wondering does he remember them. I honestly feel like I’m the ow. The papers I have on him mean nothing if he refuses to end contact and come home.

This certainly seems like a punishment. Like Ha, Plan B...I'll show her. This is a very childish game and very serious issues are at stake. You need to move on. And don't give him a second thought. You said that you believe this is the man you are supposed to be with. I believed that my xbf (that married another woman shortly after me) was the man for me to. He married her and in the same week or so asked if I would be his mistress. Ha, very funny. I really truly feel your pain. But from experience I can tell you that if he really does love you, which he probably does in his own little way (which may be no good for anyone) He will think about you. The little house she bought for the two of them will probably be his little Hell - because if he loves you, he will remember your green pastures every day and the pastures on "OW" sides will get browner and browner...what he has in his heart for you will destroy his marriage. But, he'll fight. He probably wants his m to be the success of his life, so he'll fight - but if he is in love with you he will lose. If he hangs in there long enough he may eventually fall in love with his W. But by then their m will be in terrible shape. I think you are better than this. I think your time is more valuable. I think that if you believe that this is the man God intended for you....that God will bring him back for you well conditioned. And I think that it is safe for you to move on and leave it in God's hands. Take care of you and the baby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 21, 2003, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>

Great advise MYB! As I have said, Im a bit too blount and sometimes come across real harsh. Sorry about that. God Bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Plan B isn't about winning your spouse back! Plan B is about protecting yourself and whatever feelings you have left for the WS. There are no guarantees with a plan B, just the knowledge that you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your feelings.

The fact that your WS decided to get married isn't your fault. He has been making poor choices for some time now, this is just one more. The man you want back in your life no longer exists. Is this "new" guy someone you'd want to have around?? I doubt it.

IMHO, you need to make sure you get CS and start moving on with your life. Don't blame yourself or second guess yourself, you made the best choices you could at the time. I doubt anyone here would have done much differently!