DETAILS
MARRIED 11 YEARS
3 YEAR OLD SON
WS 42
BS 39
0M LATE 50'S
WIFE ASK FOR D I JUL 2002
D-DAY FEB 1 2003 CLAIMS EA NOT PA OM ALSO CLAIMS NOT PA
MIL,FIL,SIL,BIL NEW ABOUT A BEFORE MY SELF. I HAVE FULL SUPPORT OF THEM.
MIL,FIL BIL SIL SPPOKE TO WS ABOUT CONDUCT NO LONGER HAVE COTACT WITH HER. THEY FEEL USED AS THEY WOULD WATCH SON AS SHE WENT OUT WITH OM
WS SPENT LITTLE TIME WITH SON WENT ON 3VACTIONS TO THING ABOUT THINGS LEFT SON WITH ME
WS MISSED 2 WEEK LONG TRIPS TO DISNEY WORLD. HAVE SPENT NO TIME TOGETHER ON ANY FAMILY OUTINGS SINCE JUL 2002 .
WS WOULD RATHER PLAY GOLF AND GO SHOPPING. .
PLANE A FOR SIX MONTHS WITH PTC NO IMPROVEMENT
WS REFUSED TO GO TO MC
WS REFUSED TO TALK ABOUT A AND OM
STILL IN COTACT
SENT PBL ON AUG 15

PHONE DOES NOT STOP RINGING! ANY EXCUS TO TALK BUT NO MENTION OF N/C WITH OM
WS ACTING IF EVERYTHING IS OK BETWEEN US.
LIVING IN SAME HOME AND PLAN "B"ING VERY DIFFICULT!
ANY ADVICE?
DID NOT SEND LETTER TO OM

MONTEHALLL,

Pack her belonging and put it in the front porch, change you house lock and let her know ... you can't plan B with full contact.

Note:send a copy of Plan B letter to OM.

-rh-

DUE TO ECONOMIC SITUATION I CAN'T LOCK HER OUT OF THE HOUSE. WE LIVE IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLACE IN THE UNITED STATES.IT TAKES 2 INCOMES TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'SS

Please turn off your CAPS lock key. It looks like you're shouting.

DUE TO ECONOMIC SITUATION I CAN'T LOCK HER OUT OF THE HOUSE. WE LIVE IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLACE IN THE UNITED STATES.IT TAKES 2 INCOMES TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'SS
So what are ya' going to do if it comes to a divorce?

NO CHOICE BUT TO SELL HOME, SPLIT EQUITY IN HOUSE AND MOVE INTO APARTMENTS.

"DUE TO ECONOMIC SITUATION I CAN'T LOCK HER OUT OF THE HOUSE. WE LIVE IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLACE IN THE UNITED STATES.IT TAKES 2 INCOMES TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES'SS"

So don't keep up with the jones. Trade your car in for a cheaper model. Sell off some of your assets. Don't eat at fancy restaurants. Get your financial act together so you can implement Plan B. Being in limbo will not save your marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MONTEHALLL:
<strong>NO CHOICE BUT TO SELL HOME, SPLIT EQUITY IN HOUSE AND MOVE INTO APARTMENTS.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Still the same reply "Pack her belonging and put it in the front porch, change you house lock and let her know also you are going to sell the house ... you can't plan B with full contact."

This is a triage time ... salvage what you can not what you could have ...

rh

House is jointly owned ws will not sell wants me to move out. we dont have a fancy car or car payments. don't eat out much. just mortagage poor and over taxed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MONTEHALLL:
<strong>House is jointly owned ws will not sell wants me to move out. we dont have a fancy car or car payments. don't eat out much. just mortagage poor and over taxed.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You might want to talk to an attorney and see how you can legally kick her out of the house. In some States, the spouse who first files for separation or divorce get's to stay in the house until the divorce is finalized. If you move out, you may be forced by the court to continue to make payments on the house while she and the OM enjoy the house, but if she the roles become reversed, then her A will be a costly one for she would be forced to pay you her share of the mortgage payments. So talk to an attorney ASAP.

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

spoke with attorney told me not to move out as this would have impact on cs. ws claims went to her attorney 3 times but wants me to file for d. I found out om advised her to make me file so "it would not be so hard on her family" A bigger problem is I work for my fil in private co that he owns with other partners. ws claims she wants me out of this job. fil says not to worry i will always have job because he needs me and wants whats best for grandson. I would like to save this marriage but it seems that it is impossible.
ws best girl freind just got d she has been and always will be a drunk now ws spends alot of time with her. I know she is pushing ws to get d
last night I went for a 3 hour walk on the beach to think about my next move??

spoke with attorney told me not to move out as this would have impact on cs.
cs means child support? You couldn't get as much if you moved out?

I found out om advised her to make me file so "it would not be so hard on her family"
This is good. The om making demands/telling her what to do is not a good thing for their relationship.

Get the book, "Surviving An Affair" and read the links below.

i meant cc not cs in the last post i did read the book as well as ten others about this topic. thats why i have allowed this to go on for so long. i understand that ws is in a fog and om is addiction. but how long will fog last. I went to plan "b" to save this thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MONTEHALLL:
<strong>spoke with attorney told me not to move out as this would have impact on cs.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We never sugest you to move out but find out how to kick her out. Talk to your lawyer for legal separation if that would help you out.

I would also plan to think about your career somewhere else ... improve your skill ... just in case thing getting bad. You know WW will try to influence your FIL/MIL and blood is thicker than water. Be ready for the worst.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>my next move?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">check Chris's lines ... "Stuck? Don’t know what to do? Considering Plan B? Get get professional help! Marriage Builders Counseling (1-888-639-1639)
"

Have begun job search will do what ever i have to to support self and son. ws will be on her own or with om. ws told family and freinds "om just a freind " fil mil sil bil all know om. I wish she would wake up and see what she has done and is doing to everyone around her. WAKE UP!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MONTEHALLL:
<strong>Have begun job search will do what ever i have to to support self and son. ws will be on her own or with om. ws told family and freinds "om just a freind " fil mil sil bil all know om. I wish she would wake up and see what she has done and is doing to everyone around her. WAKE UP!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you. Get training or expand your career to be out of WW's family. It would be ackward if you are still working for FIL and you have to file.

When she would wake up ? ... keep waiting since there is no consequences to her actions ... FIL MIL SIL BIL all are not supporting her yet but they are not supporting you either. She knew everyone know but there is no consequence to her action. You knew yet you let it happens too. Inject reality to her A ... pack her belonging and kick her out ! until she is willing to work on M there is place for her at home. I am just gussing (no disrepect) that she is a dady girl (spoiled brat) that get hooked on OM.

Talk to your lawyer how to get her out from home, draft plan B letter, call Harley's for conseling. I always tell MBer to get conseling at least when they are banging their head to a thick wall and need evaluation to go to plan B.

JMHO -rh-

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

ws is spoiled she has her cake and eating it too. no way to get her out of the house she just left for weekend with son.i'm glad, needed some time to think about this. i feel like every thing she says is a lie. how can i trust her. she has lied to me so many times. ws not only lies to me but everyone around her. she constantly gets caught and blames everone else for her lies. how could people live like this ,keeping 2 lifes going at the same time. do ws ever wake up from the fog?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MONTEHALLL:
<strong>... no way to get her out of the house ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is a will there is a way. Talk to your lawyer.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>does ws ever wake up from the fog?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not likely as long as she didn't get hurt from her action.

2x4 ... I think your are as much in the fog as she is. IMO you need a long walk and think it over what you want out of this. As might just as simple as putting her belonging in the front porch, changed the key & give her again the copy of your PBL ... some WS know deep down they make a mistake & have guilty feeling.

-rh-

MonteHall -

RedHat is right on the money.

You CAN get her out of the house and you CAN afford to live there alone for a while. Don't think you can't. You've got support from both sides of the family. Use it!

Financially, emotionally, whatever. Your spouse will survive without living in the house. You can hope that she'll move in with the OM when you kick her out. (YES, you hope for that! It'll kill their relationship faster than anything else.)

But no matter what happens, there's no reason to believe that you "need" her.

Do your darndest to get her out of the house. The advice about putting her stuff in the yard and changing the locks on the doors is absolutely dead-on.

And if you can't kick her out, fine! Move out and get an apartment yourself. And take your son with you!!! Refuse to pay your part of the mortgage and work on creating a life for yourself. That's what PLAN B is about. You're in some weird state that's neither Plan A nor Plan B. Get into Plan B, dude! You need it, your son needs it, your family probably needs it.

Talk to MarriageBuilders or Penny Tupy over at saveyourmarriagecentral.com. Plan this out carefully, and get your lawyer involved. And GET AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE! You can't be living in the same place while you do Plan B. You just can't.

I just can't belive this. I practicly ran into om as he was coming out of a door way today. He had the BALLS to say hello to me and call me by name. I felt
my blood start to boil. Thankfully I ignored him and just kept on walking. I wonder how fast he called ws to tell her about this? Can you belive this guy? I did vist save your marriage centeral.com I'm waiting to talk to Penny Tupy Thanks for that tip.. She will be back home today so let the games begin. My lawyer is on vaction this week so i need to keep my cool.

How are you doing ? ... ^bump^