Quick update/info-

Found out about WW's EA/PA 7/5, WW moved out 7/12, Plan B till 8/9 and realized Plan A 8/9 was probably the best route to go. We decided Plan A was better and have slowly started seeing each other on occasion. I have only seen WW 2x over the past month because of Plan B so this Friday was only my 3rd time.

This past Friday I asked WW to dinner. We had a good dinner and some good emotional conversation. She had to go into work afterwards so I went with her and helped her out which is something I had never gotten to do. It gave me great insight into her world and job. I think it really surprised her that I did it since we were there from 10pm-4am. We ended up spending 7hrs together that day and I didn't want the day to end.

So I went home feeling very happy about things and thinking very optimistic.

We planned to do something Sat before previous plans I had and as the day went on "our" plans were looking like they might not happen and I found myself very disappointed. So I planned on doing my previous plans but then WW called to say "our" previous plans would be ok. So I ended up cancelling previous plans to be able to see her again. We played Tennis (something we used to do), got a bite to eat and went into her work again. This time was time well spent but not as good as the day before. But I took it as a way of building something and making Love Bank Deposits.

She had said she might call me Sun (yesterday) but didn't end up calling. I left her a voice message and she didn't return my call.

I'm thinking she's either just withdrawing a little to protect herself or her communication with OM is not quite over. Maybe she feels guilty talking to him and then me.

My question is- Am I wasting my time doing this? While I don't think so, I hate to think I may be trying so hard but her communication with OM is just negating my efforts. I know Plan A is a "competition" between who can meet EN's the best, but I'd like it to be just me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Some interesting things in our conversation- She's afraid to return to our marriage because of the guilt and doesn't want to hurt me again. She wants me to make a decision job wise (she wants me to get a job that is more meaningful to me) and whether or not I'd move to Florida if she goes for her job in November. I'm wondering if I do these things if it will really change things.

<small>[ August 24, 2003, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

Eduard, You weren't lying about being in the same situation right down to her wanting to move to Florida. I'd suggest you pull back some and give her time to digest and compare. One of the things that I've found that works is to not be available only when it's convenient for her. Next time she wants to reschedule a meeting with you after cancelling, you should tell her that you will have to do it another time because you already made plans. This will show her that you can manage without her and that your not easily manipulated. She will respect you more for it.

The OM is probably playing it cool because he doesn't have as much at stake. Act as though you don't either and maybe it'll peak her curiosity and interest. Just a thought. Good luck!

I agree take it easy. Be a little unavaliable yourself. But keep working your Plan A.

The fact that your talking and getting together is a good sign. Your WW may be sitting on the fence a little not knowing what she wants.

When she sounds confussed let her know that you want things to work out, that you understand she's feeling confussed and your strong enough to work throught this with her.

I would also take a look at what she said regarding your job. If it's something you don't like doing then make the change for yourself first and your wife second. Maybe she see's that your not happy with it.

If she's going to FLA in November and you keep up with Plan A the preasure is going to increase inside her to make a decisive decission about the two of you. When she leaves and your not there the preasure will become unbelievable for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong>My question is- Am I wasting my time doing this? While I don't think so, I hate to think I may be trying so hard but her communication with OM is just negating my efforts. I know Plan A is a "competition" between who can meet EN's the best, but I'd like it to be just me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Some interesting things in our conversation- She's afraid to return to our marriage because of the guilt and doesn't want to hurt me again. She wants me to make a decision job wise (she wants me to get a job that is more meaningful to me) and whether or not I'd move to Florida if she goes for her job in November. I'm wondering if I do these things if it will really change things.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know that SH would put you in plan A as long as you could take it. As long as your WW didn't reject you fillin ENs ... and you are up to it ... PLAN A IS A COMPETITION !. It would make WS be a cake eater or reject you outright !. If ws is a cake eater you have more chances as long as you could keep your taker in check. This would test OM too ... would he be in this for the long haul ?. Could he stand the 'coaster ride ?. Basically in this 'coaster there is 3 passanger ... you, OM, OMW (if he is married) and one driver ... WW. Sooner or later one of you will "throw up" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and get off the coaster.

If this job/carrer is important to her ... it is a huge chance for LB$. It is your choice.

Side question ... Were you the one that contemplating to report A to the HR department ? Sorry, I have to ask ... this mess dried up some of my brain cell <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .
-rh-

Thanks for the input all. I guess I'm just struggling with the fact that OM may not be entirely out of her life. When she moved out, she moved A LOT closer to where he lives. She has said she's been looking for other jobs that would keep her here and not in FLA but I don't know if that's truly to be closer to me or OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> And I know it will be that much more difficult to reconcile still living in close proximity which makes FLA somewhat appealing.

Coughlin Yeah, not being available is advice someone else gave me. But it's so hard to pass up opportunities to make Love Bank deposits.

Goodguy Yes, WW knows I'm not really fulfilled at current job but that I'm content. I would like something more fulfiling and rewarding but feel like I'm financially obligated to it now that I'm on my own. I have started looking a little. She did mention that if she found a job here then she wouldn't be so limited on time for things to work out. I know she is very afraid of going there by herself and doesn't want to reconcile just so I'd be there.

Redhat Ha ha, sometimes I feel like just throwing up and getting off the ride <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But I know this is a "in it for the long haul" situation. Temporary discomfort is well worth the long term benefits of a great M.

Yes red, that's me! I know you post to so many people. Shoot, even I forget people's scenarios only posting my measly 100+ posts. I appreciate your continued feedback. OM isn't with the company anymore so I didn't feel the need to report to HR.