Greetings, everyone. We seemed to working things out for a while. He changed the phone number on the cell and cancelled the private telephone line to the home.

He agreed to write the NC letter. A few days ago, he told me it was nearly finished. Now, he states that he only agreed begrudgingly and does not see the need to send an NC letter and that my snooping (looking at his cell phone activity) was annoying him. He insisted that the relationship was over, although, as I understand it, he left her kind of hanging. I explained, rather forcefully, that we were not going back to the way it was before. How could we? I can't believe he expects the old trust to just be restored after a few weeks.

I was so angry, I left the house on an errand just to prevent myself from giving him my uncensored opinion at full-tilt.

Any suggestions? Is it time to consider Plan B ?

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: PaulineinPeril ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by PaulineinPeril:
<strong>Any suggestions? Is it time to consider Plan B ?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He has to write down NC ... his A is not over by any mean. You can't force him either but you have to make sure that he understood that it would drained your love for him. It is good to walk away when you hit a stone wall. If you push him with plan B ... would OW be able to pick him up ?. are you ready with plan B logistics plus plan B draft letter ?.

-rh-

Now, he states that he only agreed begrudgingly and does not see the need to send an NC letter and that my snooping (looking at his cell phone activity) was annoying him.
So why do you think it would be different now?
Very, very possible that contact has resumed/never ended.

A few days ago, he told me it was nearly finished
It only needs to be about 6-7 lines.
+ + + +
Our affair was a mistake. I hurt many people and I regret doing it.
I am going to stay married and fix things with my wife.
I am sorry for hurting her and we will work it all out.

Please do not contact me anymore in any way. I will not take your calls or read any emails.
+ + + +

NOTHING should be said about how it didn't work out between them or if it was a different time, yada, yada...

NO mushy stuff about them.

Also, YOU get to read it & stick it in the mailbox (so he doens't chicken out.)

We talked it over today, more calmly. He says that it is finished and he dosen't want to contact her further in any way. He believes that the further away they are from their last contact, the more quickly she can heal and get on with her life.

I understood that and we agreed that if she attempted to contact him again by any means, he would finish and allow me to mail the NC letter.

I explained to him that I didn't want a half-hearted husband. He insists that he's in this with both feet. He wants to take it a day at a time.

PaulineinPeril,

It is good ...

For him ... know that this is a withdrawal and it is normal.
For you ... learn how to fillin the ENs that left void by OW.
For both ... print ENq & LBq and fill one then find a place to discuss them ... as part of "Time". (Minimum 25-30 hours in withdrawal)

Have faith ... if one willing to let the other to do "4 rules of recovery" - Care (fillin ENs) Protect (avoid LB) Time (min.15 hours to maintain) and Honesty (past,current & future) he/she will fall in love. Hope they reprociate.

-rh-