My husband has cheated on me 4 times in the past 31/2 years. I found out by the doctor telling me I had an STD. Well anyway it has been a week since I have found out I have all these questions He cries and tells me he is sorry I know I can forgive I do love him so. But I have asked him to answer some questions for me in a letter. He did not do it instead he called me at work and said I love very much. I believe in my heart he does. But I can not get these images out of my head. I want to know where when why not so much the how lol! He never used a condem with any of these women I asked him if he even knows if any of them got pregnant and he gave me the stupidest answer I have ever heard "they could not have I did not finish" That through me for a loop it was like talking to a 15 year old boy. Am I wrong for wanting to know the details of these relationships no matter how painful they may be.
We have actually been doing well this week we have been talking using the QA sheets we have not avoided each other even through the pain I look in his eyes and see the man I married and at brief moments I start to fall in love again Then I feel scared and alone all in that brief moment I feel like I am going nuts I just want to know and I think he does not want to tell me cause he does not want to hurt me any more. He is an alcholic he has been sober for 30 days I am very proud of him he did tell me he was two sheets to the wind when these infidelities happened. But it still does not make me feel any better. Will answering these questions help me deal or will they only make it harder for me to heal. He says he will do anything to make me trust him again. I know I am rattling on and on but keeping thoughts straight right now is extremely hard. I figured the people reading this will understand cause they have felt this pain and some still feeling this pain. What I am trying to find out is wanting to know all these gorey details healthy and will they help if answered? He says I do not know any of these women that they all were across town. Which in some demented way makes me feel better knowing that I have not been to the store and ran into her or something! Has anyone else wanted all there questions answered and if they were answered did it help you heal or make it worse? And what kind of questions are healthy and which are not? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to let you know that I share your pain. I've just found out, too, and in a way I want to desparately know when, where, and how. But MC and IC say I don't need to know -- that it is not necessary to heal. I'm seeing a little bit of hope in how WS talks to me and it may be true that when we are in recovery, I will not need to know. But I do know how you feel. Right now, I'm still fuzzy on when it started. I want to know the exact day! And I wonder when the friendship started. Maybe I will get my answers, maybe not.

MC said that some answers may be okay, but number of times and in what positions is not what I should be looking for. I'm so sorry you have found yourself here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Lillian Lee,

Please read How to survive infidelity and read about the basic concept & its links too. Come back here for more support.

Many has travel this road and many survives and happy like a clam ... see Paperband's post at GQII .. she is drunk by overflowing LB$ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>