i haven't been here in a while the pain was too much. i kicked my h. out after i put the voice activated recorder under the seat of his car and caught him still talking to other woman. well! one week later he came back said he loved me kissed me passionatly it was over with other woman i was so thrilled but not for long. a few days later he was talking to her again. he thinks that was trying to work on our marriage. finally august 21 i kicked him out again. told him i never wanted to talk to him or see him till he wanted to really work on the marriage. it is hard to not see him because our youngest is 13 so we see each other on the football field 4x a week. he is convinced he loves her. she is from maine we live in mass. she took a job about 12 miles from my home. they live together about 15 miles from my home.i asked him if he wants a divorce and he says what is the rush? he doesn't seem as confused as when he lived at home and was seeing her is this normal? i can't beleive he would through away 28 yrs of marriage and we really had no problems in the marriage. i think maybe i was not kinky and she, is so i here very sexual. he is very serious when he says he loves her. i asked if they talk about marriage he said no. she is only 38 he is 52.she is tiny and works out at the gym. i have lost a ton of weight and i now go to the gym allso. i really look good.i can't help but feel like i have lost him but then he looks at me and i still see the love. i am so confused is this how they all act. he use to be there for everyone of our son's practice's and games. now he is either late or can't come for some lame excuse. any suggestions on what i should do? should i try to switch off days of my son's practice and games so i don't see him? i am really loosing it as for what to do. i have great friends and family so i know i'll be ok. some advice would be appreciated thanks so much, de

Dekicks :

I am very sorry you are going through this again.
I have not read all of your threads but what comes to mind is this. I presume you have been doing a minimum of LB'ing, and also, obviously doing,what appears to be a good Plan A.

While kinky sex may be an emotional need for him, it sounds as though you were not aware of this in your marriage. And,the definition of kinky sex is pretty nebulous. It is like defining pornography. I can't define it, but I know it when I see it. In other words, it is very subjective. So is kinky sex.

It is apparant to me at least,that your H is cake eating and potentially having a Mid-Life crisis.That is to say,undecided about what he wants.

Harley is very clear about this issue.

I think you need to seriously consider Plan B and protect you and your 13 yo son. You have family resources to accomodate allowances to see your son and you can set up what you need to and go No Contact.If you do not,he will drain your love for him.
In the case of my wife,my Plan A resulted in her coming back on weekends during a period of great conflict within herself.

She also has an alcohol problem. (So my situation is much different than yours in that respect). I did get her into re-hab...but she was back drinking and living with OM within two weeks. Returning to OM by itself would have caused me to go to Plan B. But, with her drinking issues returning as well, I had no alternative.So I went to Plan B.

I think Plan B might help you to emotionally detach and while you are considering this, call your Doctor,get some Anti-D's and PLEASE get some counseling for you.

I also have two sons 14 and 7, and I simply did not want them to endure the pain of an absentee Mother who would call mostly when she was drunk.

This appears to be your only alternative right now. I think you need to "steel" yourself and do it.

Please, take care of you and your son.I wish you the best.

Best to you!

Hi De, havent seen you in awhile, and thought that was a good thing.

My heart goes out to you.

I am in no position to give you any advice on how to handle your situation, but, beleive me when I feel your pain (not in a Clinton sort of way either). My prayers and thoughts are out to you.

You have the same situation as I on the football issue, but thank God she does not make practices, only the games, I try to stay as far away from her as possible.

Please take care of youself and your son.

Hopefully that selfcentered S.O.B. will have a thought other than which originates between his legs and see what pain and damage he is causing.

Rookie

D., Welcome to your new world. I kicked my H out nearly six months ago, and he went directly to live with OW. I hear all is not well within the A -- which you'd never guess from the outside. It needs to play out. As they say at MB, "Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see."

I've been subjected to untold public humiliations -- but you know, I think it's made me stronger. There's not much you can do right now except take time for yourself.

I know the A won't last -- even apart from the rumors. The holding pattern is hard -- but then, that's what MB is for!

dekicks,

Plan B to the dotted line !. If you have to switch time to avoid him, do so. A will end ... not now not yet .... my ExW A that she tried to turned it into R start showing big crack this week, 2 years plus 2 days after D-day.

Let it be and let WS gets the reality. Very soon your S won't want to talk to WS too.

Hang in there and post a lot ... vent here.

-rh-

thank you all very much. i did plan b for about 3-weeks but my son wanted both of us at his practice's and games so i agreed it has only been about a week of that. i already called spouse and said no more. he can't go to any practice's and my son will let him know witch games he can go to. if any! my son is fine with this because my h. keeps missing them and he is always really late or leaves early and having excuse that are rediculous. so i told him no more contact. no calls, no seeing each other on the field or anywhere. i am definitly much stronger when i don't see him thank you all so very much i will pray for all of you. love, de

de,

My exW missed 3 years in a row my 2 D's National Roller Skating Championship and last season (this summer) she missed the regional championship too. When they are in the fog you better stay far otherwise you will get hurt too. Let him off the hook if he doesn't want to be a father and don't LB, let it be. You can't do anything to force him anyway, it is futile. If WH was an active father before A, he would missed it whenever OW LB'ed ... the mind of selfishness; what is in it for me and what cost I have to pay for it ?. The most important thing right now is how you could outlast this A.

-rh-

oh my god! when ever i'm down i come on here and i just get so much stronger.i can't thank you all enough. this is such a wonderful web-site.all i can say to anyone else is to listen to the people on here because they have all been through it and know what they are talking about. i have to listen better,and trust me i will from now on. i have no intentions of having any contact what so ever with my h.it is very disturbing to see him so i ended all contact. if he wants to see his son he can call his cell phone and make arraingments with him. but i told my son he can't come in the house my son will wait outside for my h. or he can beep and he will run out. i am living for me now. de

dekicks,

Have you give him plan B letter ?. You need one, actually for him & OW. Plan B is very effective to protect problem of LB from WS ... I could name a few MBer here that gone too far in their plan A and bankrupt their LB$. There is a point you will get stronger and by then you could decide if it is all worth the wait any longer.

-rh-

Redhat. Good advice. Right on !

One thing I'm not clear on in Plan B. Does the WS get to see the children? My WH said that is the only thing that he cares about right now (other than the OW that he is in love with). So I'm trying to decide what to do if I have to Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Suebee:
<strong>One thing I'm not clear on in Plan B. Does the WS get to see the children?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B is fo you to avoid bankrupting your LB$ ... you need to be away from WS. For kids, you should let WS to see the children as much as they want to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... sometime those little angels have some words that pierce through the heart. It is a small dose reality check into your WS & his A. Generally if you have no kids, you should avoid plan B all together until your situation being looked at by MC.

-rh-