Well we actually have been doing fairly well actually better then that. Do not get me wrong I am still coping with the infidelities but working on our marriage has been going very well. This web site is amazing I wish I would have found it before all this pain and maybe i wouldn't have wrote the word infidelity. But it has happened and there is no way I can change it We are going to talk about the affairs tonight so I can get all my ugly questions revealed. I need those answers so my imagination will stop going into overdrive. I still feel a little numb and a little depressed but amazingly I feel relieved that is opened and out there to be fixed You know I know that the wayward spouse is wrong horribly wrong but if you use a little patience and dig back into yourself you will remember the signs I do and I ignored them and I became selfish and told him all about my feelings instead of addressing his issues at the time. What I want most of all is to thank the people here I know the pain I feel will be here for along time but following these steps I realized I sure ain't perfect and yes he may had the sexual encounters but if people think they all probally replaced thier spouse with someone or something else on some need. Does any of this make sense. Patience and acknowledging the pain without pointing fingers and working on the marriage on a whole is the only way to rebuild what was lost. Just dwelling on the infidelity will just push the other spouse away. did take in all this inforation on this web-site corectly or am I just kidding myself????????

Hello,
I read your post and thought maybe you could help me with plan A. I have read so many post and so many people deal with horrible stuff. My husband has been good to me and has been a great dad. I don't blame myself for the A just the condition that our marriage was in when it happened. This affair I thought was over 8 months ago and he came to me after the death of his father and stated that it was still going on he wanted it over and here I am thinking it is over already and it is not. I have horrible trust issues and yes the difference is the death of his father. I want to believe in him and stop this insane mind play that goes over and over in my head. I want to let go and love him and win his heart and I am so insecure and mad I bring it up constantly and am always asking over and over is it really over. I can't believe it is really over, that kind of stuff. Each day I say o.k. I'll never bring it up and each day I get depressed and wonder and look for things. It is killing me and my childrens life. He says please give him a chance. But there is this little voice thinking yeh is she still around. It's killing me. The sick part of me thinks if she is still in the picture try to be the very best and it will make it harder to continue. We have had a hard year and I have done so much wrong on how I treat him. I wish I had these tools sooner and maybe this would have ended sooner.

Hello I feel your pain. But after infidelities there is no trust nor do I believe there should be. But trying too hard is just like not trying hard enough. He came to you about the affair so there is alot of love there sweetie. I know the pain you are feeling could not touch the pain that he is going through never the less he is still feeling that pain and guilt. How long ago did he tell you that she was still in the picture.
Have you went to your family doctor? It sounds to me that there is extreme depression on your part and maybe even him too!? I still have those thoughts. Did you and your husband read all the information on this web site together? Print them out and read them to together then got to the questionaires and fill them out together remembering honesty on your part as well as his? Taking the sex away was there anyone in your life that met any of your needs may it have been emotional or admiration at the time he had the affair? I have alot more to discuss with you but I need you to give me more information on you and your husband.
My husband had sexual encounters with 4 different women on and around a 4 year period I found out from my doctor cause I had an STD. I was devastated as you could imagine and even more so embarrassed. But in my heart I knew there was something wrong all these years. So what I am asking you to do is think about what got you to this point and dwell on that for a little while focus your energy on fixing the things that made your life this way and remember it takes 2 and you need to do it together. See all my marriage I focused on meeting my husbands need for affection because it met so much to me and doing these questionaires I realized that that was not even a touch on his needs. Please print that out and take a night convienent to both of you and really focus on each other make copies for both of you and when you finish the questionaires trade. You will be amazed at how different the both of you are and how much your needs are different. BUT REMEMBER HONESTY NO MATTER HOW IT MAY MAKE EACH OTHER FEEL WITHOUT HONESTY YOU WILL TRY TO FIX A LIE AND IT WILL NEVER WORK. Well mis girlfive send me back the information and start printing!!!!!!!!!! AND REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS HELP AND HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you thankyou
Funny you say I did print the questionaires off and we are going out tonight to fill them out. When this affair started we had just had our last baby and we have a large family. I am 32 and a stay home mom so I was real wrapped up in not having an outlet and was very hard on my husband. He never told me no and what happen is the resentment built up from always meeting my needs and me being controlling. So I don't blame myself for the affair but I do blame myself for the condition of our marriage before the affair. He told me four weeks ago and he came to me. He lost his father suddenly to cancer within diagnosis to death 2 months. It was horrible and he died in June. H says he has been so sick of the double life and wants to stand up and be a man. I am dealing with some depression but he has a lot death and then this. It was so good to have you write me back thank you and wish us luck tonight we are gonna fill out love busters and emotional needs questionaire. Pray for our weekend and I can relax and try to have a peaceful weekend.