I am still having such a hard time trying to excute Plan A. Maybe I don't understand it well.
My husband ended his affair 4 weeks ago. He says. This is the part I am dealing with Trust. I hope she is gone but don't know. I am having a hard time with plan A. I am mad and angry and feel a way all you can relate to. Each day I say new day be sweet and little insecurities cause me to confront ask repeated question about ow. I am constantly looking for a reason to find out he is still in contact. He tells me to believe in him and lets try to find a normal life together and I am so caught up in fear of the Ow. I then feel like well he is gonna go back if not already because of my actions. I have posted a couple of times and will respond back this time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by girlfive:
<strong>I am having a hard time with plan A.[/qb</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Understandable, Plan A is not forever and I am MB beleiver, A had to end properly otherwise it will bit you back later. Either he does it or you might do it.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[qb] I am mad and angry and feel a way all you can relate to.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>
Yes, anger comes from unmet expectation. You have expected thing would be different but it still not. Is he filling your ENs at all ?. Actually in plan A you can't expect anything in return ... lower expectation or none at all, everthing above that is a bonus. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Each day I say new day be sweet and little insecurities cause me to confront ask repeated question about ow. I am constantly looking for a reason to find out he is still in contact.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>
This is wrong ... the burden of proof is on him not you ... He has to earn your trust and it is not given.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>He tells me to believe in him and lets try to find a normal life together and I am so caught up in fear of the Ow.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell him you can't ... be honest !. Tell him that you need him to be accountable of his time money and start working on M. I suggest you get a MC if you have not done it already.

Have you read how A should end ? it is on the Q&A section, even print one for him. This is my suggestion, READ POJA & Language of Love then schedule a time and place away from all distractions ... (my favorite place is sauna & hottub for couples, there is one resort hotel in Oakland Hill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> if you live in bay area) ... Tell him that you can't move on and you need his help ... if you read how A should end, you know that he needs to disclose the A to the detail. Let him know that you need it to know and probably for the next few months you will ask him again the same question over and over ... this is not a sign of distrust or disrespectfull but you need it to move on and ask his understanding for it. This is the time to ask him if he is willing to follow MB's principal to fall in love again and stay in love. If he does give him HNHN & SAA book and even ask him to post here is he has any question ... there is many FWS that is willing to help out. Don't forget to hand him the Letter for WS from trueheart (FWS), check my sig.

God Bless you -rh-

thanks for your reply.
The thing is he says he is willing to do what he can to heal. He says that my constant bringing up the past is hindering us from moving forward and that it is causing me to stay in the same place. Part of me wants to never mention the A again and not feed it. I have had problems in the past letting go. I really need to work on my ability to help him see the side of me that he fell in love with. I don't want to have to check phone records and snoop it only makes me feel worse just doing it. I could even contact the ow and I don't want to do this. I want to be able to go on faith and be a good wife and mother and let him see this side of me and forget all this pain and hope that through this we will heal. Am I right to really just move on and move forward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by girlfive:
<strong>The thing is he says he is willing to do what he can to heal.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. I still beleive you still need to have one heart-2-heart talk with him once and for all. He has to disclose everything about A ... it is not to hurt you or to shame him but to heal. He has to be honest since dishonesty will create a wall between the two of you. Ask him as much as you wanted to know and tell him that you might ask him again in the future. He should follow how A should end. NC letter follow by disclosure then start the healing/withdrawal. He should be accountable for his time & money. Give him SAA & HNHN books then call MB coaches and schedule an appointment.

You know that during recovery to start you have to have 20-30 hours of quality time together. Use this time to discuss ENq & LBq & RAq and even financial Q ...

This is the whole basic principal of MB ... if couple does care (Fillin ENq), protect (avoid LB), time (15 hr. minimum to maintain) and radically honest to each other .... both will fall in love and stay in love <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Just look at PaperBand ... she is overjoy with her new and improved M <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Try to work together to understand MB and if you feel you need a coach ... call MB center.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> He says that my constant bringing up the past is hindering us from moving forward and that it is causing me to stay in the same place.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is right and wrong ... bringing up the past is not to hurt but to heal ... The same thing with him in withdrawal, he will have the urge to contact OW. These will fade away in the distant memory, it takes time.

Good luck ...

Thanks for your post. We are going out tonight to fill out the questionaires. I will update Monday.