I guess this is a concept question. I found MB before reading SAA, because I suspected WS was having an A. When I asked him about OW, I didn't demand that he stop seeing her and he didn't offer to stop. From SAA, it seems the typical scenario is that WS promises to reform on D-day. Not in my case. I gathered Plan A was for ending the A and I started implementing it before he told me it was a PA.

Now, we are in MC and will be attending Retrouvaille next weekend. Both have requested NC. WS is considering it and now I'm bracing myself for withdrawal.

However, I've gone back to SAA and this is where I might be doing Plan A/Plan B if WS contacts OW or vice versa.

Now, when do you decide to start Plan A? If WS is in withdrawal and they have one contact, he could go into withdrawal again and I just wait it out.

So would I start Plan A if it looks like WS and OW cannot abide by NC? Is it up to me to determine if the A is continuing?

*sigh* Has someone written a book for BS'? I thought the first month after I suspected was hard. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to deal with this A any longer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

lbc,

No one could answer your question, it is a personal decision on what you want to do ... we could only suggest you some pointer based on our experience and from reading MB.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Now, when do you decide to start Plan A? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yesterday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and forever unless you need to do plan B.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>If WS is in withdrawal and they have one contact, he could go into withdrawal again and I just wait it out.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, he has to be accountable for his time and money ... POJA for how he could do that. If he found a loophole and exploited, you raise the bar and "roped" him with his own action. If he refuses ... I don't think you have a choice but plan B. Ask Orchid how many time she put her FWH's belonging in the front lawn.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Is it up to me to determine if the A is continuing?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is up to WH to prove that A is not continuing ... the burden is on him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>*sigh* Has someone written a book for BS'?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SAA is not enough ? ...

-rh-

Thanks for reminding me about POJA for NC. I've started coming up with my own list of what I would need him to do. I will find out next weekend if he will agree to NC. And I will be doing Plan B if he won't go for it. What is the difference between Plan B and a separation? I really needed to hear that it will be up to WS to prove he is not having A. I don't want to have to spy on him all the time.
SAA is a great overview of what is going on before, during, and after an A. But I feel it focuses on what the WS is going through. I didn't realize how long and heartwrenching this journey really is from the BS' point of view.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lbc:
<strong>What is the difference between Plan B and a separation?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B is a separation with goal & purpose.

Hope your WS do the right thing ... -rh-