My husband and I have had problems for awhile. We grew further and further apart mostly due to my dislike of porn and his lying to cover up his like of it. Looking back I may have been overreacting to it. We never really solved those issues. We grew further and further apart to where I started thinking about divorce. I told him I wanted one, he begged for us to stay together. I did not believe things would be different and made him move out. I then met a man who was very nice to me said all the things I had always wanted husband to say. You know the rest. My husband and I remained separated for a few months, we then talked about reconciling. He moved back in and a woman he had been seeing up to that point started calling. He had told her it was over. We fought about that, but tried to work it out anyway. Didn't work right away he moved back out for a couple months. I thought it was over and moved. I realize now what a mistake I made I want to work things out with him but he says no its done. I feel hes just saying this because hes mad. Deep down I think he wants it to work but doesnt want to admit it in case he gets hurt again. He says he likes the single life clubbin, strip clubs etc. I feel hell get tired of this scene soon enough. What should I do? We have kids, and along time together. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Should I just give it up, or should I fight the divorce? How do I do I?
Please email me or reply I'm desperate for any advice.

I am not one to advocate fighting a divorce, simply because the messiest divorces are the ones that hurt the kids the most.
One thing you can do is not hurry it along. You're right. In time, he COULD come around. I think you need to read about Harley's concepts of emotional needs and love busters and see if there is a way you can build up his "love bank" when (if) you get to spend time with him.
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do if he is hell bent on leaving. You all made mistakes, but hindsite is always 20/20. Marriage counseling would have been a great idea, but still could be if he would consider that.
I wish I had a magic wand!
Take care,

Are you in marriage counseling? It sounds like he doesn't see any hope. At least a counselor could get you talking again.

no he doesnt see the point i live in diff state now

Hi missmyhoney:

Are you a Christian? If not this would be a good time to learn how to turn your heart to God and accept Jesus. This is where I am at. Whatever happens, I know the Lord is changing me for the better, hopefully in a way that my wife will notice and appreciate. I would do everything to learn about the Lord and pray your heart out, for your marriage, for your husband, your kids, and of course for yourself as well.

What about writing him a letter or letters, asking forgiveness for what you have done, and telling him what you love about him? This is probably what I should do in my situation. Is it necessary to be so far away from him that you can't have contact with him, say, once a week?

Also, I agree, I can't imagine any guy that wouldn't get tired of strip clubs. I would pray that he stops doing this.

(Thanks for the post on my thread.)

Gregg