Okay, WS has been asking for some time "to think" since before PA started. He still wants a week to decide on whether to work on our M. Sheesh!

Originally, he was gonna go to our condo 3000 miles away. I felt relatively sure that if he said OW was not going to meet him, she wouldn't make plans to go. Well, the condo is booked till the end of October. I don't know if I can Plan A for another month! I was getting to the point that I was gonna start Plan B a week after he got back. Should I just hang on if he wants to go at the end of October?

I thought he could go somewhere locally, but I'm thinking there is even more temptation for OW to meet him. Even if he didn't plan it, I figure by day 3, he'd be calling her.

If I'm truly in Plan A, aren't I supposed to just let him do what he wants? He knows I don't want him to contact OW at all during this week. Do I actively check up on him or does this violate Plan A?

It's so hard to go against my instincts!

I'm not sure how to advise you, but I want to bump you up a little. I think I asked you on another thread, how was your Retrouille weekend? If I remember correctly, it was this weekend. I hope you were able to work out some of these things.
Hmmm. I'm torn. I am trying to think like a fogged in WS. Not easy! By going off on his own, he is distancing himself from you, the love you're giving him from Plan A, and his own guilt. I can see how that is disconcerting. Furthermore, you could not stop him from calling her. And you really couldn't check up on him either. Thinking about trying would drive you mad.
I keep wanting to go back to the Plan A/Plan B thing. CAN you hold on until the end of October? I could certainly understand if you couldn't, but I am one of the less patient people on this site (my H has done this to me twice). If you could, you'd be able to fill his Love Bank a little more. Is he game for waiting that long? Is he talking to/seeing the OW now?

Do you even HAVE a choice here? You might have to start preparing yourself for Plan B.

Another question: does he FEEL what he'd doing to you? I'm asking this for my own purposes as well. My counselor is concerned that my WS does not have the capacity to do that. I am wondering how a WS could even demonstrate that to someone.

Keep us posted!

Thank you, Susan, for your reply.

Well, when I told WS that the condo was rented, he didn't seem too upset. It seemed like he could live without the week away, but he did mention it again yesterday. Ugh!

I know what you mean about not being able to stop him AND I do know that he sincerely wants a week away from all distractions. Like I said, though, his intentions may be good, but I wouldn't be surprised if he called OW.

Retrouvaille added an interesting twist. It is a Catholic program, but you don't have to be Catholic to attend. Priests and nuns can do the program, also. Their 'spouse' is God and the people they serve. Well, the priest that led our weekend, did have an affair. OW wanted him to leave the priesthood and marry her. He ended up taking two months off to find himself and rededicate himself to the priesthood and I think it would be a similar thing for WS.

At this point, I think I can do Plan A till the end of October. I can already see my resolve slipping a little, but I think I can hang on.
I believe he is willing to wait until the end of October and yes, he is still in contact with OW. I will find out at the end of this week, if he will continue seeing her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yes, at the very least Plan A would be a good foundation for Plan B.

I'm not sure if WS can feel what he is doing to me. I asked him this weekend. He is too caught up in his own stuff. He tends to think his problems are bigger than anyone elses. I have been wondering if he is narcissistic. I believe he has tendencies. This weekend did not prove to me that he is, but I'm keeping my eyes and ears open.

At one point, we were talking about his past relationships and he said something. It made me ask, "You don't think you hurt them (he tends to leave everyone)?" He said that yes he knows he hurt them, but it's painful for him to think he did that. Well, no duh!

This is not the end by any means. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm not sure if WS can feel what he is doing to me. I asked him this weekend. He is too caught up in his own stuff. He tends to think his problems are bigger than anyone elses. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't the fog disgusting?????
I get SO MAD.
It does sound like your WS had the fog lift a little over the weekend (I'm referring to your other thread), so I know that gives you hope!
Every now and then I get a glimpse of his face through the fog. Then it comes back....