Is it a LB to ask if W is maintaining NC? I guess more specifically I should ask how I should ask her if she is still seeing OM.

I think I blew it tonight. W is at mother's house staying the night again (her grandfather past away on wednesday) and she and I were chatting on the internet. We were having a good conversation and then I just out and out asked her 'Have you been in contact with <OM>?'. It's been a week since I asked her and her response got my acid churning.

First she asked me "Why are you asking me this" then she sends "no".

I reply "I just want an honest answer. We need to restore honesty to our relationship. We need to do this and you need to maintain No Contact in order for of to get past this".

Her next response was "I don't know why you have to ask me this now. I'm not going to answer. I thought we were having a good conversation."

I replied "Yes we were and thats why I asked you. We need to communicate. We need to do it better. We need to do it honestly"

Her reply was "I don't want to talk about <OM> right now....Goodbye"

she then logged off.

about 15 minutes later she logged back on and asked "Are you still being a [censored]?"

her way of asking if the subject was closed. I allowed it to close.

Was I wrong?

Is it time for Plan B?

HarryS,

No, not at all ... you ask it w/o prejudgement & disrespect. NC is a must and she should prove the NC to you ... in this case 99% the contact is still there ... assume nothing less than that.

Next time when she ask you told her that you still feel that she has contact and she has to show you otherwise.

Plan B ... not yet. You have to do plan A, fix the issues that are yours (got nothing to do for being nice). Is A out in the open ? How A is ended according to WW ? Is she open for calling MB ?. R U separated already ?

-rh-

HarryS,
Just so you know up front, I am the WW.

With that out of the way, I do not have any place saying if you were wrong or right. HOWEVER, what I will tell you that my H and I seem to have the best conversations when we are IMing or on the phone. And I have this habit of bringing up "problems" when we are talking on the phone. This is a source of irritation for my H because he seems to think we talk more when we are on the phone than in person. He says, why don't we ever talk about this when we are both at home. Now, the answer to that is this: because we get busy doing "everything else" when we are home. When you are on the phone or IMing, that's pretty much all you are doing...talking.

So...what I was gonna say is that based on how my H reacts, why don't you NOT bring up touchy subjects on IM or the phone. If you want to talk about something, just do it in person. And maybe even have a set time once a week or so when yal talk about the serious stuff. The reason I say this is because I think my H would rather not talk to me at all on the phone or IM if all I do is bring up yucky stuff. Try just enjoying light phone conversation and IMing, and save the "important" stuff for when you are in person.

That's what I am working on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />